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aye! today was like a so lethargic day... like 80% 0f the time i was like soo fucking sleepy... seriously man. i have no idea why. had to go sch at 9 today. martin was making fun of khairiah in the bus. but seriously i think she kinda deserve it la. according to my frens she's still going around bitching about me. seriously man... even though i dont do anythg. i dun even bitch tt much about her.. quite frankly i'm too caught up with more important shit in life to worry about wad some nerd bitch in jc is spreading about me. my life is not even in a jc. like martin said, my lifestyle is so not jc la. can call it ite lifestyle. anyway, went for pw... meeting was ok.. normal shit... but sadiq's scaring me abit. but no hard feelings la he's a responsible fella. which is good cos i'm not so diligent. well... went home after sch, first time in many days. wanted to study but seriously i cldnt concentrate at all!!! fuck sia the fucking weather was damn hot! and my history is like so screwed up. so i ended up watching dude, where's my car? haha... then i tried to study again but i kept being distracted by the net... and also, like i said, i was DAMN tired. everytime i try to study, my eyes shut automatically. its like i'm super exhausted. totally totally exhausted. so i guess all i did today was try my hardest to study history. i tink i studied this much ----> ....... hahaha. more dots than the last time. so i guess tt's an accomplishment.... rite? well i stopped studying at 8. went to watch sg idol. OMG PAUL TWOWALL ROOOCCCCKKSS!!!! I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM!!! i loved him the moment i saw him!! soooo punk! so fucking cute!!! and when he sang rite, i dint expect it to make it at all. cos like the rest of the chinese guys SUCKED BIG TIME!!!! they were so out of tune. but this guy was like O.O really damn cute!!! n martin's jealous. hahahaha. omg he damn cute la.... but martin say he only like 3 girls. me, Mother Mary, and joy(his dog). haha. so ya. YAY!!!! went to walk dog with him at 9. came back at 1015, bathed and watched project runway. then went online... prem says we'll ride tmr! and martin says "dun do anything stupid or i'll exterminate flatlanders in pasir ris." one.. two... three... everyone go "WADEVER!" hahha. so yea. tmr gonna ride. hope i dun die... :( and found out frm council tt i'm gonna represent eurasian on racial harmony day. ok like wad the fuck is a eurasian costume? martin says its sunday best. so wad? goth? punk? ska? i'm racially confused.





martin is the most energetic shit around. make me wake up so early at 630, to go 24hrs to eat breakfast. damn tired. then i went to sch at 810 for hist lecture. was like sleeping during the lecture. then after the lecture went home la. but martin decided to pon sch and meet me for brunch. so he called me to go beach. fucking hot weather.... tt was like around 11... went to the beach. sun was being a bitch... and martin got bastard by me. turn on but never do anything. hehehe. ok then decided to go 24hrs again for lunch. really damn hot weather. was so pissed off. but the whole time martin was like some active shithead. making so much noise and being soo active. seriously man i need a switch off button. when vivian and kartik called he kept answering the calls and being a lame retard. haha vivian told me tt my phone operator sux. lol. well then walked home from 24hrs... fucking sweaty. my sister was watching tv so decided to join her awhile. i was supposed to go meet prem to do my bike but like my fucking com rite. starhub called and said tt someone is using our network to send illegal business shit so now i'm like stuck at home. havent bathe yet cos daddy wants me to wait for the starhub to call. haiz... finally can rest man. supposed to meet viv, cheryl n norman at orchard but like seriously the weather is so fucking hot, i'm tired and anyway i already watched X3. oh wells.... and yea suddenly i really miss him... ham.



today.....igot skrewedby life......firstly ...theday began nicly then the bitch called 'life' came and skrewed it up for me.....don't ask to explain....it's complicated......its FUCKING CONTRIDICTING!!!!!!!!! ARGH.........I HATE LIFE.....it'll turn good on the 06/06/06 TOTALLY....but for now got lots of shit to settle......i love u louiza.....so *muachkxz take care.......and thanks for really bein dere for me.












hahaha. as the title suggests, yes martin was rather quiet today. it was sooo scary like he was possessed or something. but abit nice la. like a small child finally quietening down. ok well had to go to sch at like 940 for math.. haiz tt was so sian. martin brought me to sch again. haha he cook for me egg!! :D then walked to buy cigs den i went sch. sch was ok la not bad. had peijin to entertain me in class. hahaha. she was telling me how she bought for her gf some 7o-plus ring. haha her gf cute la. den after that the WHOLE day i hint to martin. hahaha. ok well anyway, mostly we talked about the great sg sale and how we wanna go SHOPPING!!! :D. wellxz, sch ended me and martin went to meet prem who gave me bmx pegs. tt guy is sooo sweet. haha girls shld really look out for him. totally cool dude. cant wait to learn flatland. ><. (love u prem!) then me and martin went bugis... eat long john silver's... again!! really damn nice. but martin was like damn quiet la in the restaurent.. i tink its like cos in the bus i was listening to country. den he like got soothen down and calm.. haha damn funny and strange. then.... walk walk.. i was like hinting to alot of jewellery shops to make fun of him. he was like "shaddup la louiza!!" "go away la!!" "u buy for me psp la!!" i was like yea i nearly bought tt for aug. we walked around bugis it was totally cheenafied. totally ah beng and totally ah lian. i tink martin fitted in. hehe. the misfit ah beng. but he was like shouting "this place too many chinese man!" when he himself is chinese. so ah.... wad shall i say? CONTRADICTORY!!!?????! when we got bored of bugis... we decided to go home... so took the fucking long bus trip allllll the waaaayyy hoomeeee..... here's the funny part. i fell asleep in the bus on martin la. den we were actually listening my mp3. the slow side of it la. all the not rock songs. then i woke up after a long time. hahaha. martin was just staring out of the window... being sooo quiet... haha. den i checked my mp3 songlist. he was like listening to like westlife... vertical horizon... tracy chapman... and all that slow pop. hahahah. damn strange leh. like here's a guy who like mp3 only got blink la... bullet for my valentine... nofx and shit like that and he's listening to slooowww... peaceful.... music. hahah. like i was stunned. and wads more surprising. he dint try to do anything funny considering the fact he has "wandering hands". scary man. really. its like the day martin was quiet. went to central.. bought him bubble tea then took a slow walk back. and martin was like he wanna buy matching ring the stereo from bijoux then i was like yea rite, u and ur smoking... then he said he will not buy cigarettes for like some weeks to save up money which is like 200. haha. ok la we'll see la. haha. gonna meet him again at 5 to cycle.. :P
this blog is actually for a reason. and oh ya vivian ask me to post some html codes up... lets see wad they do....

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kay today was really great. i'm totally enjoying the single life man. today was like no sadness... no ppl making me feel like shit.... it was all 100% pure smiles and laughter! went to miss quek's house for ki! was fucking fun! tt izhar made us walk long long to her house. -.- plus he came late -.-' goondoo. haha but really he's like one of the few i respect in ki. well... went to her house... damn fun. first time i touch diamond water. haha. we ate marshmellows with melted chocolate... and bananas.. and grapes.. damn fun. den we watched the matrix and like yea damn cosy. did some work den fahmi and i were bitching about a certain member. haha. den we went home. but we got lost cos we took bus from the wrong direction. well finally we got on the right route.. in the mrt izhar fahmi and i were bitching somemore. hahah. den well i went home! ate my dinner den went walk dog with martin
it has been like soo long since i walked the dog cos of all the stupid exams and tiredness. so today's walk was a first in a few days... while we were out, martin solved his problems!!!! yay!!! so now there's like nothing about him tt's keeping me from being with him!!! but yea i gotta recover from augustine yet cos i'm currently too hurt to be in another relationship. i can tell martin really really really loves me but i dun wanna jump into another relationship yet. but i'm fucking happy man!!! cos he makes me smile!!!! wooo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! martin rox my sox!!!!!!!!!!!!


today was cool. totally rock. went to macpherson ite for martin's rock competition. i was like so freakin extra in the audience cos i dint noe anyone. haix. martin next time can u like get at least two tickets so that i wont be alone and fucking emo!! but the ite ppl were nice la. some girls in the audience were talking to me. oh well. even tho i was extra dat dint stop me from shouting at martin. haha wah i dint noe he was dat talented. always heard he only noe how to pose. =X. haha well guess i was fucking wrong man! i still got his drumsticks here. i feel the same way my bro felt when he saw martin play the yoyo. dumbfounded. haha.
oh well anyway. after tt, went to long john silver's with martin and some of his bandmates and frens. they were pretty nice. oh and i met ritzuan's band. they were a good band too man. i met their keyboard player, hakim. nice guy he was asking me how was his playing all. hha. and we both agree that the champion band was a gay band. haha. and ritzuan's also not bad man, considering tt he tinks i bastard aug. he intro himself all... nice dude. i dint bastard aug la. he just dint trust me. do i look like i'm with kartik now?
well went home... aug went up to martin's house to find me. i tink he's really mad. one moment he tells me he dowan see me ever again the next moment he's being kaypo asking me where i am, wad time i coming back, waiting at martin's house, coming up to martin's house. i wasnt even doing anything. he's just trying to attention seek. i noe how he feels la. because i felt tt way too. when things just got bad i was like so sad but he always ignored me or hurt me even more. then now i'm just trying to move on with my life and now tt i'm not sad, he is sad. but i tink he hurt me enough tt i dun have enough love in me to help him. unless he does something really great.


have u ever felt like ur heart was so heavy, it was weighing u down so much that it is literally impossible to breathe normally? today i went back to kc with vivian. i went to collect my cert and to visit the place. so i collected my cert, met vanessa wong the fucked up bitch who told me that "she's going to london for a theatre degree" up my ass la. ok anyway, i also met a few old friends who are sec 5. then me and vivian went in the chapel to put our bags down. when i went in there, it was like a rush of emotions. that place had been my cca area for 4 yrs. me and vivian took pics in there, then we started our memory journey...

we went up to the hall, where i fooled around with the drums and the organ. haha. i even called martin to test his skills(guess which drum i hitting). haha surprisingly he was correct.

then... vivian and i went to the gym... we took pics and i even got crazy, i started balancing on the stupid dance bar. haha. its a miracle i dint fall off. but the main thing we did in the gym was to vandalise the board there. haha. we graffitied everything. and i told vivian about my choice and we wrote his name on the board. and i wrote norman also. and we even had our own hate list which comprised of vanessa wong. haha. it was damn fun. felt like two small girls again. we even wrote a msg to mrs sng because we vandalised. hahha.
we walked to the ulu toilet under the stage that used to be our hangout. it was quite a freaky experience but we even managed to take some photos. haha.

then we went up to the gallery where the exclusive 4/6 always sat. and i remember i'll sneak my 4/4 frens up too. those were the days man, when we slack up dere cos assembly was fucking boring. we would all squeeze up there and ignore the prefects asking some of us to go down because there was no space. but today when i went there, space was all i saw.
thats when we got caught by the stupid security guard. she called us to go downstairs. on the way down, we met mr pang. i showed him my council badge and as expected he was surprised. well i was also surprised tt he was from my sch. haha. but tt man refused to reveal his age... like as though he damn old liddat. he gave a speech on why we shlnt take Fmath. who knew tt mr pang was an engineer. respect man. then i went to the malay room and had a chat with cikgu rathia. she also was surprised at my council badge and she told me to send my regards to a teacher frm tpjc. she told me tt she knows i can do it. all my subs except malay is damn pro. unfortunately i didnt get her photo. anyway we finally got caught by tat security and she brought us to see the OM. and we were like told to go get pass or some shit. so oh well we saw mrs teo, and talked to her too. she was fucking shocked i was a councillor and yea she taught at tpjc before. but she drove off before we could really talk to here. so to end our day, viv and i walked back to the chapel. it was nearly sunset so the sun rays were beaming into the chapel, perfecting the right angles to make a nice picture. so this is what i got.




this time we really really wanted to see mrs sng so we went to the foyer. bumped into a few teachers who recognised us and we talked awhile. then we waited quite a while for mrs sng to come but she did not. so we decided to write her a letter.











waited for her a while more and we ran into mrs tan, who was ALSO SHOCKED TO SEE ME A COUNCILLOR. but hey she was damn proud that i dint let her down for my O levels. i got an A1 for her SS and Hist. tt just shows was a good teacher she is because i'm not the studying kind. so then we really had to go after awhile so we asked the office to pass the note on for us and well went out to get our stuff.

vivian's mom came to fetch her so i slowly walked out of sch. the sky was a light shade of lavender by that time. i felt sensations of regret and attachment like sudden whiffs of air rush through my chest as i walked to the bus stop. i then remembered more memories... memories of augustine fetching me after sch, waiting for me at the bus stop. but then today, the bus stop was lonelier than ever. it was like loneliness was playing a game with me and i really wanted it to stop. just as luck would have it, the bus came like only after 45 mins so much tat in the end i had to take a cab. i hugged chanel close to me as i watched my sch slowly be engulfed in the cold darkening sky.

have u ever felt like ur heart was so heavy, it was weighing you down so much that it is literally impossible to breathe normally? i did. today.

ahh today i feel so loserfied... its really a useless dumb dumb day. went to sch with martin and got caught by vignash the moment i went sch. was really damn freaked out la so pei jin help me solve my probs. haha. even mr koh kinda helped. and now yensen supposed to "protect" me. then today at sch damn slack again. wanted to study during free period but in the end ended up slacking with harinder and kartik then martin came and i escaped from sch. then kept him company till i had to go back for ki. damn loserfied man. desmond ask me stay in sch to study so i brought all my materials to sch. i even brought my beloved chanel to sch. (my laptop) but u noe wad, i spent like 3 hours on the phone with vignash telling him tt i dint wanna be with him and explaining why. there's no chemistry.. and he's not my type etc. i really feel damn guilty for being so harsh. at first i was nice but like after an hour u kinda just wanna end it... oh and like joshua and kartik were making sound effects. i feel kinda bastard cos sometimes i would just start bursting into laughter even though the topic is supposedly a solemn one. so yea i feel so loserfied cos in the end, nothing accomplished! kartik came to meet me and brought me home... i had to tahan not falling into temptations like a 10000000 times. dun ask why.. but in the end i managed to la.. den martin called me when i reached home around 9.15 ask me go walk dog with him so like since i havent bathe, go walk la. so went to walk... came back, bathe, dined, and now i'm planning to stay up all night to study. not going sch tmr.
well i got a prob now, i dunno who to choose. its kinda clear who my options are-kartik or martin. kartik is gradually becoming nicer and more tolerable. martin was damn nice from the start but he is attached with a screwed up life at the moment which might prevent me from being with him not because i wont want to but because he might have other obligations which are more important. i gotta make a choice cos i dun wana lead anyone on and i also cant handle so many ppl. but u noe wad, at the end of the day after the choice is made i'm still not gonna commit to a relationship just yet. i just need a focus on one so its less burden than 4. i still need my time alone, still traumatised by augustine... not over him...


hey. hahaha. new beginnings are all about change man so i've started a new blog to mark this new turn in my life man. yea well lets record day 1 kay... hm.. today sch was like one of the best days ever! mainly cos of the fact tt it was freakin slack! in the morning abit of confusion la cos like 2 ppl came to bring me sch- martin and kartik. abit weird but martin has been like bringing me breakfast like since... thursday? hmm cannot remember.. but anyway he's fucking nice la. its scary man, like the person u broke up with 1.5 yrs ago suddenly is the nicest person to u. yea la den... sch was damn slack. had math tutorial me and pei jin most of the time talking about our love life. haha. she talk talk about rhoda i talk talk about how weird martin is. i feel quite guilty cos i think mr koh was abit pissed cos in the end he just walked out of class... alot of ppl were not paying attention... man.. oh wellsx. then our lit lecture was cancelled so MORE FREE PERIODS!! den slack slack with vignash kartik and harinder.. wah those two bastard vignash sial... i dint noe wad the hell to do, abit weird to defend a guy. details are confidential.. dun tink i shld elaborate. oh well lets just say i'm starting to get paranoid. that fucker harinder went in girl's toilet with me to watch me change into PE haha. but kartik pulled the bugger away. then... during PE.. also damn slack. me and xiao hui like pon awhile go toilet and went jalan jalan round the sch. then at 1050 the fun started!!! cos like our sch got some dumb policy tt pupils can only leave after 1250 so like i ended at 1050, den martin came frm his ite to my sch la. damn fucking fun sia. we sit down slack all... den i intro him as "bodyguard" to my classmates(again long confidential story). its amazing he dint get caught by teachers man. den my frens came join us... slack slack at table all... then at 1250, martin was like bugging me go tamp lib for dunno wad shit reason so like ok fine... just go... den i like slack slack dere... tried to study la but i tink my knowledge gained is like (.) then we went eat kfc! then martin went to eat some disgusting shit i made cos of a dare. hahhahaha. punkrock. then i went home.... tried to study but like damn lazy... so slack until 6... den my ex came over to my house and things got ugly... then 8.30 i was quite sad la, went to walk dog with martin. fucker sia he bring me dunno where damn far my leg damn pain cos he dunno the real way. then like he still walk me back all.. haha so nice dunno wads his problem why he change so much. den went home la... did my stuff and now writing dis la. i promised myself i'll study tmr cos my fucking exam on thursday. cant wait for the damn holidays to start man. i have like so many fun stuff planned already. ;p



sucka!