jellybeanies
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upon the crack of dawn
i walk along the path that has been blanketed by snow through the night.
dragging my luggage after me
snow collects at its wheels
till i'm dragging tiny mountains of snow

the atmosphere's cold
my breath escapes visibly
i sigh
and look back at the lodge

but walk on, still.

my steps painfully vandalises the smooth coat of the path
but i know it wont be long till the damage is undone
its going to snow

soon.

but not now.

i stare out the window
wondering when i'll ever be back
yet again

there was a great snowfall last night
the view is magnificent
and i try to capture and paint that picture in my mind
absorbing as much as i can
afraid to forget

the tall pine trees
all dressed in white
the christmas trees
natural of course
all dressed in white
the rocks of the mountains
all dressed it white
branches of barren trees
all dressed in white

i wonder
what if i ever get lost in that cold
the irony is in its beauty

then it happens

the trees i pass get greener

patches of white get more rare

unconsciously i actually start searching for flecks

as i see none
sadness creeps in.


quack
them






ohkay frankly i had no idea what to title this post cos its like a sudden last minute post with no preparation wadsoever in my mind so i looked to my left and saw the toy kingdom decorations. the santa village was called nutcracker kingdom.

hence the title.

sighs. remember how i said in my last post that i wanted to know how xmas was last yr?

so yeah i was just reading my past posts, on xmas last year.

and i cant help feeling something.

well yeah.

something.

cos i donno how to name that feeling.

its not exactly sadness

its not exactly ignorance

i dont know what it is

but its not nothing

its definitely something.

like how i was so happy with how things were.

and after reading the xmas post i read jan and the early parts of the year.

and its so surprising how those times seemed like just yesterday.

that just shows how fast time passes.

and how people and our lives can change in a second.

i mean, reading the way i blogged last year and early this year,

i could never have seen this coming.

at all.

haha.....

there's even one part that says something like,

he promised we'll end the new year together and celebrate christmas. and end our lives too. i mean not the killing each other but the being together forever.

haha. for louiza to write something like that, she must have been really in love.

sighs.

sorry for the sudden emotional post.

its just so contrary to what i've been believing in for the past year.

yet the year seems to have passed so fast.

i can remember everything.

everything

in perfect detail.

and then i understand how it could all be fake.

cos it was too good to be true.

even i knew that inside.

that's why i always doubted.

but my objections were always snuffed with just trust me. because i love you. etc.

and thats what i did i guess.

emotions defeat logic in love.

but its just strange i guess.

like reading those posts.

i had so much trust and hope in the future.

maybe thats why i felt so crushed when it all collapsed.

there was even a part which said,

i cant wait to start the new year with him and years ahead, cos i know its going to get better after all the shit i've been through cos now i have martin.

it went something like that.

reading the way i wrote last time, i seriosuly wished me, as the person who knows what has already happened, could contact my past dreamy-in-love-trusting-him-with-my-life person and whack her head.

i really wanna find a new skin which allows you guys to read the past posts.

i bet you'll be shocked too. at the way i wrote.

but i know i have my family.

my WHOLE family.

just now i dropped my memory card.

and ALL of them jumped up to help find it, lifting furniture, getting down on their knees... getting flashlight.

i was really touched.

dropping my memory card could garner so much help.

thats how much they love.

so now i would say one thing.

i know this year's going to get better because i have my family to help me no matter what. and i'm now wiser to not trust people so easily.

p.s. i still owe pictures.

laterx.


i'm curious. hmmm.... i wanna know what i did on xmas day last year.

i shall check through my past posts later.

anyways!

today was well, xmas!

i will post pictures later.

but for now, words will do.

went for mass today, at the st joseph cathedral. at 10am.

well we went at around 1030. was late.

hahah.

it was so funny. when i was walking back to the pew (the seats) after communion like all these guys were staring at me and when i noticed, they looked down and pretended to pray. hahh.

after mass, we walked home.

and while waiting to be fetched to our friends' place, (they invited us over for xmas) we watched elf! and had like breakfast!

bacon. (:

i love the movie elf. its so cute.

oh talking about cute, del was talking in church. like going balhablhablah during the sermon.

dammn adorable.

kay so when it was time to go, we all got into the cars.

me bro and sis rode in uncle victor's sports car. vw.

its so cutee.

and we rode it with the top down.

wahhh inspiration for me to get a car just like that.

or betterr.

we went to their house first to check it out, then we went to the nearby marina.

thats where all the yachts and private boats are parked.

after thereafter, we went to the friends' house.

for xmas lunch.

after lunch we stayed for awhile, just talking and stuff.

then we went into the neighbour's house to meet the family.

they are soo nice!

seriously.

its like warm.

a warm family.

just like us.

i notice that blacks here are really really warm people.

really enjoyed the time there.

then we made our way home. like around 6 plus.

got back, and opened a game of blackjack.

in fact i just finished gambling.

lost a dollar.

not bad.

and now i'm here blogging.

i think i might study later.

i have a history test and i havent even touched the topic notes yet.

bleahsx. going back to school sucks.

but i HAVE to transfer pix to my laptop later.

so i dno!

i'm driving up to lake tahoe in the morning so

i'll bring my laptop but i cant guarantee connection.

ughsx.

you know whats so sweet.

seeing how my family, esp my parents, love del so much.

really its like.

so nice.

ohkay. pictures coming up!

i love god!


everyone's asleep.

shh....

i've finally uploaded pics. as you guys can see.

wow. i've blogged ALOT.

hmm... its 1230am now.

4.30pm in sg.

and i'm wondering how the people over there are celebrating xmas.

orchard must be really lit up.

people must be really happy.

visiting, presents, blahblah....

HEY!! OMG!!! ITS XMAS HERE NOW!!!!

YAY!!! WAIT I GO WISH MY PARENTS. IF THEY'RE STILL AWAKE!

K BACK!!

YAY!!! ITS XMAS!!!!

im smiling.

the plan was to drink hot chocolate. remember ex-darls?

im doing the exact opposite.

ice water. hahahah! and its freezing outside.

i really need someone to scold me man.

lol!

yayy!!!!!!

i shall sleep soon.

oh btw you know, posting all that pix about flying.

i seriously dunno why i spend so much to fly united airlines when it sux big time.

sg airlines beats it hands down.

like when i go in the plane right, i feel so squirrmish. just like how viv is at the food court.

like i dont dare touch anything.

but no choice got to touch the seat.

its all disgusting.

and no tv

and old.

and the flight attendents are old.

and not pretty.

i mean sg girls are not say damn hot but compared to these, like eww.

total eyesore.

and they suck.

they lost my uncle's baggage.

then they delayed our flight.

and wanted to split us up.

ughs!

united sux.

anyway its christmas!!!

im smiling.!!