jellybeanies
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happy birthday anas! today was anastassia's birthday.
i woke up late cos i fell asleep while trying to study and forgot to set alarm. i was late but despite that kartik insisted on following me to sch. so we went sch tgt walked all the way to the main gate cos it was nearer to the assembly area and found out it was locked. so we were so lazy and sian to walk to the other gate so we just watched the ending of the assembly while sitting down at the bus stop opposite sch. my class was like staring and pointing at me. haha. abit embarassing but i cleared that matter up later. today was anas birthday!! during econs the kool row decided to take a formal group photo! finally right? haha. here it is...

from left to right : justine, peijin, louiza, anas

we are the kool row. the coolest in class. hehehe.

oh yea and now cos i'm in the midst of studying for ki, i'm irritating them with my philosophy telling them they're non-existent and floating brains. haha. only justine gets it that i'm talking about the scepticism behind the matrix. haha the other two just get irritated for example peijin. haha. she tickles and disturbs me until i declare her a living organism. hahaha.

well then i went to slack with anas sam and casper until recess ended then i went to accompany kartik cos he sprained his wrist playing soccer. i helped him do his stupid gp and i even went to get bandage to wrap his funny looking hand up. then i went to pw after making sure he was gonna stay alive then after that had history. man... really have lots of assignments to do sial...

after sch suddenly became damn busy. had to meet kartik, but then martin called asking me to follow him doc, then peijin wanted me follow her find for some teacher to excuse her from mt oral, then anas wanted me down at the canteen for her cake. it was really really really stressful. plus the sun was so hot. so i was really flustered. so i rushed through peijin and anas to go meet kartik. and tts when i got abit irritated cos he was like showing me like ego attitude so i kinda got pissed also la. and the whole day was ruined in the end i just went home. ate my lunch quickly met martin and went to the polyclinic. ok la i felt abit more cheered up when i met martin. we were as usual crapping around. long time since i've let loose and just acted like an idiot in public cos i've been hanging out with kartik lately to study and stuff and he isnt the sort who likes me making a fool of myself in public. but still i noticed martin wasnt really as nice as before. i guess its cos i already rejected him. well then i totally understand.

we were cam whoring.

well then we walked home and i went home. was then supposed to go out again to study with kartik but really i was sooo tired and shacked already that i had to cancel. so i practically to the rest of the day to chill... long bath... tv... dinner.... net.... yup! stuff like that.

tmr i have a sort of date with sean.... hmmx.... ahh.... will keep y'all updated.

=)

now is like 6pm but i'm bored so i'll blog about my day so far. kay today was damn hard to wake up. seriously. no idea why. i could hear my alarm ringing like fuck but i just couldnt get up to shut it up. well managed to eventually, and i went sch with kartik again. hehe these days he's like nicer. carried my sch bag cos it was like soo freakin heavy. again, no idea why. then like went to sch but then dint have the mood. so we went to N2 macs for breakfast then went to sch.... i had early council meeting regarding racial harmony day and now i gotta find like ppl to sing for that event.. shit. council is so leychey... met my class for pe. me peijin and anas wore the same shirt. =) so fun. but the stupid teacher dint even turn up so we were like cam whoring... then we decided to like run one round. then she still never come so we just walked off. haha i think i'm a damn bad chairman. so slack and everythg cos the rest of the class stayed behind. oh wells, i try my best. so the 3 of us kinda had early recess. haha. then went mt. got back my papers. i'm like the worst in class. lol. our class only 3 ppl. glen scored highest for paper 1 sulaiman scored highest for paper 2. dunno why but during mt i was damn lethargic and sleepy. so i was bored most of the time. then... after mt had 2 periods free... so went to eat lunch with anas and peijin, then me peijin kartik went to library to study. see so good girl rite? i really wanna start bucking up. hehe. i'll TRY!!! lol. then went to history. but miss cheng dint come. so one more free period... then went to econs. got back my paper. gawd u noe wad i was so expecting to fail. i dint study econs at all!! i dint even touch certain chapters!! at tt period of time i was like fighting with augustine everyday and being so fucked up that i dint even study! i remember that day before the exam my classmates were studying like shit but i dint even touch cos i was so freakin sad and not bothered anymore. me and evatte went out to smoke. its tt bad. when ms tan was giving back the papers i was like "shit shit shit i gonna fail shit shit shit....." then i got like 47/70. i was like O.O how the hell did i do that? i couldnt believe it at all i was like checking over and over again. cos like i got a B and there was like only a few ppl in class who got A or B. i was like omg dis is so not real la. my teacher was like "louiza i noe u wanted an A" and in my head i was like "err... i just wanted to pass" and guess wad. i dint really feel happy. i felt so bad and guilty. cos anas was next to me and she was disappointed with her marks even though she studied so freakin hard. i felt so bad. really. i dint noe how to comfort her. i mean, i cldnt say "at least u dint get as bad as me" so i left her alone cos i really dint noe wad to do, i was like stunned and confused. i think she deserves to do better than me cos i dint study at all. i feel really bad.
anas i'm sorry ok if i wasnt good at cheering u up today. i just felt really guilty and i dint noe how to cheer u up cos i got higher i dint noe the right words to say. i hope u forgive me. i'm sure ur hard work will pay off in the end.
so then i decided to pon lit partly cos the teacher is damn boring and also cos i needed to go to tm for some private mission. kartik followed me. and then i dint go for council meeting at 4.30 cos i felt damn tired and was about to have a headache. haiz. looks like i'm a bad councillor. so came home around 5... bathed... now blogging... going to loyang point macs to study with kartik soon. laterx.







sorry anas
=(

anas looks cute with braces.


pretty disappointed in myself.

today went to sch early which is quite rare. kartik and i went sch together. assembly was like so freaking long. dunno wad that idiot talking so much for no one was even listening. malay lesson was fucking boring... just went through the exam paper... glen dint come cos he was late but not sure if thats true... pw was more fun cos had more friends... then history came and found out that miss cheng dint come. so i had like 4 periods free. kartik and i went out of sch to slack... he bought chicken rice... i was just being a zombie... went back to sch, met some of my classmates and like we waited outside the math class for mr koh to come cos we were like early... so we were like talking talking... then like mr koh came to our table and he like stood there and me and peijin quickly got to our feet and ran to the class then the rest followed. math lesson was ok but i think mr koh's losing his patience with us cos we like always make alot of noise.. hmm... i'm starting to feel abit guilty cos frankly he gives our class alot of face. like let us pon sch and stuff... well i think i'll msg all my classmates later to give them a talk. but hey this was the first time i paid attention in math tutorial and i'm glad i actually learnt something. it pays to pay attention. then after that we had math lecture. and i paid attention again! weehee!!! it helps actually. dunno why i wanted to pay attention. just that after the common test and how i screwed that fucked up paper, i wanna pay attention cos like no matter how hard i try to learn by myself this jc crap is too hard to understand. so after that i went home and had lunch. then i took my ki stuff and went to kartik's house where we're supposed to study.

and i'm not proud of myself. cos i hardly reached my aim. i hardly did anything. i'm pissed at myself. can i say that i'm abit disappointed that he dint stop? haiz... i hope he isnt using me... i hope... i really don't wanna get hurt again.

then i walked home around like 5 plus... and guess who i saw. jovian n oswald. totally ruined my day. jovian is like a backstabber. all he wants to do is act famous. when he asks something from me, i do. when i ask something, he doesnt care. please la you were like so nerdy before la. don't come and pose now can. it just makes me puke. and oswald. the clown who bastard about me to augustine. just mind ur own fucking business can or not. its not like u and augustine are damn best friends or wad just don't anyhow come into other ppl's life. and ur own relationship is not say damn stable. always fighting and quarrelling. and augustine. lagi best. with me for nearly two years. and he prefers to trust a clown who whacks up his own gf. i wonder where he learnt to slap me. seriously man. wad is the world becoming into. u think i'm so dumb a girl to throw away 2 yrs. seriously man.... u don't even know me. and yes before u say it. i don't know u too. and i wish i never did.

felt so fucked up. my life is like upside down. i went to look for martin at the courts maybe he could make me laugh just for one minute would be fine. but noo... he wasnt there. haiz. i really feel damn useless..... wads love? how do i know if someone really loves me? cos i was never loved by anyone. NEVER. my whole life.


i so dint study for my lit. i wanted to wake up at like 7 to study but instead i woke up at almost 11 which was like one hour to my paper. damn dead. cos the thing is i never finished reading that fucking dickens book and the last time i actually touched the book was like dunno how many yrs ago. so i was preparing for my doom. left my house at like 11.35. kartik accompanied me to sch. he was sick these past few days so he dint take his exams. went to sch totally brainless about dickens. then found out. oh gawd. in same exam room as vignash. so uncomfortable. his class also dere. but nvm lucky i had my class too. if it was like just me, i think i would like probably just not take the fucking paper. cos u see, guys think its damn easy to reject them. they dont noe that after that it'll take me alot of courage to face them again. they think i got no feelings. like emotionless. they think i purposely wanna hurt them. like please la. i never ask u to like me and i dont think its like so compulsory for me to like u if u like me right? okok gotta stop venting my frustration. arghs!
k anyway the fucking paper had this stupid poem which was so eww. it was like literally in another damn language. like wad the fuck is this idiot talking about. so i sat there like for almost 20 mins staring at the stupid shit. i could see alot of ppl doing the same. dumb teacher... i think its for revenge cos alot of ppl always pon lit lectures and tutorials. even today quite a handful were late for the paper. but seriously lit is like so damn boring. the stupid teacher makes it boring. like get a life la. then my stupid dickens section, cos i hardly read the book i dint have any quotations from the book at all. i just crap crap crap. after the paper, met kartik and went to tm for lunch. then there was like this stupid guy we were making fun of him. then i tink we look at him alot of times. i think he tot i liked him. then we were like laughing laughing. stupid lame idiot. oh and the funniest thing is, i kept bumping into peijin and her gf. haha so lame. everywhere noe! everywhere i turn i see the two of them. haha. then peijin was like "wahlau! damn gross la! again! " haha. and i was like laughing my ass off.
went home and ran into martin. haiz... i feel like we're drifting away from each other... i duno how that ever happened... maybe cos we never meet for so long and also hardly call... hmmz.... he's a friend i'll regret losing. MARTIN CALL ME KAY???? EVEN THOUGH I MIGHT HAVE REJECTED YOU, YOU ARE STILL BREAKFAST MAN AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS SEE U BASTARD ME U AH BENG!!
kay.. went home then slacked online awhile... watched tv... bathe.... then i fell asleep cos like i've been slping like 2 hrs for these past few days. woke up... ate my dinner... then watched the brazil vs ghana match. omg brazil can u like improve ur game? u're like practically just scraping through the stages. look at germany!! they play damn fast and they're shooting like every single minute! look at portugal!!! (i love u) their play is damn strong and they have good defense and attacking skills!!! argh!!! oh but i want germany's long sleeve jersey. no idea why suddenly i like long sleeve jersey. hehe. and daddy bought me portugal socks. =) actually its his but i beg beg beg. sooo..... MINE!! brazil won 3-0.
so now i'm like here.... so boring.... haiz.... wad shld i do with my life man.... i'm like so eventless... nothing to look forward to anymore... not like last time... no one to fall back on... i noe i got my friends though and i love them very much. no one to take late suppers with.... haiz.... my life is like at a stand-still. no direction. just aimless.

Louiza Maria Alexandra Joseph.... what a nice name... but not a nice girl....


I HAVE NOTHING TO POST TODAY COS THIS CHEEBAI BLOGGER DELETED THE NICE POST I WROTE.


today is damn lethargic. slept at 5 plus last nite so woke up late and dint go church at 1230. slacked and tried to study. went to church at 6. came home. watch tv. slack. den blackout. slack. den now. slacking. not gonna slp. exam tomorrow. fuck. gonna study.

ya rite.








slacking


i'm also gonna need to make this quick cos i need to start studying pronto. last nite, was up till 8am trying to cure chanel. bryan was online half way trying to help me with my stupid viruses. haiz. well finally manged to kick those fucking viruses out but tt meant i wasted a nite not studying. i am so gonna fail my exams. then woke up at 1.40 found out vivian was alone at airport already. so i rushed to eat lunch and quickly made my way down. and omg! u wouldnt believe who i met at my bus stop taking the same bus at me. i ran into that church dude. haha. the stare stare one. again!!! so sway man. damn paiseh cos i was like dressed like shit. using my dad's shirt and cargo pants cos i was rushing and couldnt be bothered to dress up. met kartik at airport also. cheryl came after awhile and we attempted to study. but we were all so damn distracted. it was so hard to study!! then we all went to T2 cheryl and vivian had to leave us at like 6 plus so me and kartik went to try carry on studying at macs. still couldnt study!! seriously man today i have like no mood at all to study! i tried la. only managed to study abit. then went home like around 8.30... reach home at nine... slack with my music la... eat dinner.... all... until 11pm watched the germany vs sweden match! goo germany!! germany rocked man! they were damn efficient. then now gonna try study la. haha.and btw i suddenly sooo love angels and airwaves. martin i'll slap u if u say they're a pussy band. their vids all suck big time la but their albums rock man!!! i love tom!! i love tom!! i love tom!!! tom delonge!!!! rocks!!! muackx!!!!!!

I LOVE TOM!!!!

but travis is still my number one drummer boi!




just had to put sean's medicine up.


k i'm gonna make this kinda quick cos i'm really damn fucked up right now, alot of things on my mind. today, ah beng martin woke me up at like 11.40 am.

HARLORH!! U LOUIZA AH??!! U LAZY PIG!! U WAD TIME WAN WAKE UP??! SLIP SLIP SLIP!! CHAOW CHEE BAI!!!

yea so he wanted to meet me to pass my his FAMOUS drawing and he wanted my surveys so he can help me do. really i was quite surprised he still care for my project even though i hardly contact him these days. so anyway i was supposed to go meet vivian, cheryl, abel at airport at one to study again. so i decided to meet martin on the way there. went to airport, had lunch. vivian bought the kids meal and gave me the toy, some garfield thingy tt can move when pulled so i clipped it on my jeans. oh yea and i ran into tt guy in church who always stare at me. haha i remember aug will get jealous cos i'll say tt guy damn cute etc. haha. the chinese guy. lol. he saw me and he had like tt u-look-familiar expression on his face. den he stare stare at me again but he left after awhile. so the whole time i read through my history lecture notes, now i roughly noe the history of philippines and indonesia. but long way to go... played alot though haha. so anyway, like around 8 we stopped and made our way to t2 for dinner. on the way i went to meet my mother she was working at the checkin counter. den met her collegues etc. haha. abit weird though cos viv cher abel also there. haha. but very funny. then we went t2, i went to the entrance of swensons, haha. den vivian and cheryl were teasing me cos my last time eye candy was working, ashad. lol. but seriously i dont really like him but cos viv and cher were attracting alot of attention i was abit paiseh. den he wave at me den i was like wave back den went to macs cos i was already damn hungry. after dinner we parted and i went home to watch the spain vs saudi arabia match. duh of cos spain won. 1 nil. then bathed. then from 12.30 till now, i've been trying to cure chanel cos she's infected with virus. argh!! so irritating the files that are infected are like important components of windows so i'm abit fucked up. been trying to scan and get it out of my system. then leon had to call and make things worse. seriously he was damn irritating. and in the end we started arguing, actually he started i really dint have the mood to argue cos i'm like already in enough mess with chanel. den i just asked him to put the phone down. and now i'm like waiting for a windows safety scanner to scan my com totally. so i'm like writing this now. actually i got alot of photos of today but i really got no time to put them up. wish me luck for chanel's recovery alrite? i'm really really damn sad.


oh man!!! i cant study!!! cant focus!!!! lalalala~!!!!!! so crazy! i'm like surfing... etc... doing anythg but studying! yay! louiza is dead!


hmm today went to airport to meet pei jin to do the stupid econs project. both of us were like late. cos i ate lunch at home and she thought i was ditching her. haiz.. pei jin pei jin.... but i love her! haha. she's my closest in class. oh yea i bumped into sam and anas. so hardworking noe they. from 1130 to 3 studying. while i the lazy pig was asleep till 12.41. so we were like talking talking about world cup la... blah blah... and about sam getting an indian gf. lol. then pei jin came and we started work at 3. wahh i tell u we are GENIUSES!! we did the whole damn stupid shit in 2 and a half hours. haha with breaks in between. lol. then we were making fun of nerds who were taking damn long to do the project. wah we are pro man. then at like 5.15 i was at a loss as to where to go. vivian and cheryl were like studying at parkway but like i dint noe how soon they were leaving so i just decided to go home. so now i'm like at home!! finish sending our genius work to miss tan already. hopefully we can pass la huh. sekali genius genius den we fail... basket.... so wad i plan to do now is like maybe.. chill.... study.... yea i think i'll study. its only 6.45pm. so maybe i'll give an update later alright? see yarx!

this is my fellow genius! two slackers... with high intelligence.... lol....



i am so pissed at life, so pissed at ppl, so pissed at myself. woke up today late. realised i'm late for vivian and cheryl. wad made me later was tt i quarrelled with my parents for dunno wad fucking reason. my dad just totally pissed the shit out of me. i'm already so freakin stress and he wants to make things more difficult for me then my mother also like extra come join the fight. so fuck it la. tt's pissing off fact number one of the day. then went to bk, took out my notes. the notes are so fucking complicated and useless. tpjc notes sucks. i saw the nanyang and serangoon ones were so much more comprehensible and more detailed. mine has so many missing important points. screw tpjc la. so no matter how hard i tried to understand the fucking crap i just cldnt. then wads more i saw some J2 fuckers there. ppl who like kartik and hate me. fucked up la. then like so many damn distractions it was damn hard to concentrate. in the end i also dint learn a shit and thats why i'm fucking pissed off. its like no one bothers to make me happy anymore. or maybe its just me la. i'm just a fucking emokid.





yes i am fucking pissed off so go screw urself.


aye! haha. today was super duper fun! went to orchard to watch silent hill with voldemort. and it was really damn fun sial. made fun of alot of ppl.. etc.... walked around... then went to plaza singapura... took 14 wanted to go sempang bedok then in the end decided to go airport for dinner. ate macs then went viewing mall to chill awhile, haha cursed planes to crash etc. then went home. hard to make a really long post about this cos it's all pretty confidential. but yea! cool man. and yea soo didnt study. so tmr me viv cher kartik are gonna mug mug mug. vivian called desperately, i was also desperate so we're meeting urgently tmr and i'm dragging kartik the great along. argh! we gotta get something going man!.


ok haha. my day was quite fun actually. hehe. but i dint do any work at all!!! argh!! lazy me. seriously, i'm so not cut out for jc man. haha. too playful. so i woke up around 1 and kartik forced me wake up to go his house study. so yea ate my lunch quickly then made my way there. and my time there went something like this...

took my bks out but started playing on the bed. kartik was on the other bed and was apparently studying... see such a handsome pose rite. lol. then i was like disturbing him most of the time. hehe. so he came over and we were playing playing until i looked like crap. haha. hair all messy.














then i decided to start studying. at least try la. haha. but then cos kartik was up since 8 so he was pretty tired so he fell asleep. then cos i'm so mischievious and playful, i got distracted again and started disturbing him more. hehe... kartik if u're seeing this... HAHAHAHA!!!!




lion is gonna get u!!!! ARR!!!!













STUDY GUIDE FOR YOUR A-LEVEL!
THE MUST HAVE FOR ALL NERDS OUT THERE! MAKES YOU COOL AND FUNKY! AND MAKES YOU SLEEP!














chemistry <3 kartik











i so needed to take a photo with my masterpiece. haha.














i am kartik and i'm studying. hehe...















the smart gal behind the mischievious photos.... hehehe....




yep so basically played alot by myself until kartik woke up and had to go meet his mum. so he got dressed and sent me to my stop then he went off. hehe. and nowwww i still havent studied! was watching tv. but i will i will i will!!!! ahhhhh!!!!!!
louiza under kartik's big uptown boi shirt.


haha. today was soo lonely.... as in no fren lonely. but i had my family though. haha. went to church late today. cos i was like freakin tired. damn slpy cldnt wake up. mainly cos i was msging someone till 4 am. argh!! no idea why. haha was just damn sian and cldnt sleep. so we were online and chatting and we were damn bored we started playing stupid msn games haha lame shit. den msg until like 4. if u're wondering who is this person i cant quite say cos i swore not to mention to anyone. so lets call the person he-who-must-not-be-named. in short, voldemort. so thanks to voldemort i was late for mass. oh and argh i went mass alone. cos cldnt contact martin. so ahhh alll byyy myy seeelllfffff. =( den went to meet my bro and family. then went tm for lunch den i walk walk wif my bro awhile den we both went home. and like since then i've been watching tv... etc. kartik's gonna bring me go study tmr. cos like i havent been studying all weekend. wad a loser sial. so now... basically wad i'm gonna do for the rest of the day. is s.l.a.c.k. until the brazil match later. gooo brazil!!! wooohoo!!!! and yea i'm gonna try to hint to voldemort to buy me snacks so i can eat during the match. lol.





emoshot


i am so damn disappointed in myself. i did not study anythg today. not even one sentence. argh!!!! haha. i'm a fucking procrastinator man. later.. later... later... i am so gonna fail la. whole day i was playing guitar. my electric. haha. was like learning new songs etc... fucking fun sial... then i would shift. if i get bored of guitar, i'll go to the piano.. den watch tv.... surf internet. i recorded myself playing something corporate's punk rock princess.
oh then i watched the protugal vs iran match.... ronaldo was waow, refering to his talent. and yea he looks good too. but his skills were damn nice to watch. they won in the end 2 nil. so now i'm back here. hehe... hm... so wad shld i study or continue my slack day?


I’m like feeling so negative right now and also I’m on the phone with kartik so this post will sound very unfocused and dumb. But its just me spilling my feelings out. Today I went to study at airport again with kartik, met Debbie and Abigail there. And like all of us cldnt really study man. Seriously. Ok la maybe kartik could. But like 3 of us were fooling around. They were taking photos of the stupid storm figurine and me most of the time was drawing…. Taking photos….. listening to punkrock. Totally man. Nothing. Den after like 5 hrs of trying to study, we all decided to give up. Wanted to go swensons eat but the queue was freaking long. So we went home… then ate my dinner… went doggy walk. Walked to like totally in loyang rise… slacked at a playground. And he was telling me stories about his exgang… etc… I was like a small girl listening to stories small girls shouldn’t be listening to. Haha. Then went home… and that’s when the pissed off shit started. Cos my com suddenly had that msn virus fuck shit and my msn was like so screwed. Kept running and sending msgs by itself. I was like trying to fight it with lots of anti-spyware and shit. Was quite unsuccessful but yea at least now the situation has stabilized. And in the midst of all that martin was like talking to me on the phone. Things were pretty contradictory and irritating and in the end I was more pissed than usual. So ya. Lalalalala. I’m emo. Fuck y’all.


mr koh told us that watching the world cup will cause us to fail our common tests. i think for my case, its so not related to soccer. i think i'll fail cos of my fucking lazy attitude and also my fucking emo nonsense due to recent events. that is why today, i decided to start studying. cos my damn exams start again in like wad... about 10 days? haha. so today i met kartik and went to airport to study. it was like the first damn time i've touched my math notes man. except during lectures la when i would scribble some notes when i was really bored. so yea i was soo dead. for like almost 30 mins, all i was doing at bk was dreaming... drawing... listening to punkrock.... etc.... while tt kartik was like all into physics. then he came to my rescue and explained to me wad the hell a sequence was. then that got the ball rolling... for the next like one hour he taught me some stuff... then i got distracted again!! started drawing like stupid designs... until kartik confiscated my mp3. then i started some questions.... i think i'm getting the hang of it man. just need more practise. so i plan to continue studying. =) then went home around 9.... ate dinner... watched lost.... played guitar... slack slack.... until the england match at 12... watched it. was a pretty lousy match until like the last part. hm... looks like england's through to the final 16.... and so now i'm here, and i'm planning to study till late... ok not so late cos tmr i plan to go out study again. so tts the update for now.

oh yea... today in the bus.... i saw someone really familiar.... i just couldnt put a name to the face... its like as though i knew him like in some other life or world or something.... like he was from some lost memory.... but like when he got up the bus, i dunno why but intuition made me drop down the next bus stop.... hm... its a mystery... its like i woke up from a long dream and he was a character in it.... but hey, guess all it was was a happy dream that never happened.
:]



see thats me goofing around while kartik the great smart ass is concentrating deeply on the laws and shit about alternating current.











tts me hiding in the toilet so kartik wont force me study. =p








i wanna thank my dear dear dear darrrling CHANEL!!!! i love u soooo much!! u're there for me 24/7 thru thick and thin and u're soooo efficient! i love u i love u i love u! and u got a new best friend called portia who belongs to vivian and also cheryl's laptop!!!! k??! i looveeee u!!!!!!!


to God ---> thanks for taking away my pain and making me feel better, i love u so much. and thanks for listening to all my prayers no matter how shitty and informal they were even when i talked to u like as though i'm talking to my fren. but then, hey, thats wad u really are. =)
to daddy ---> thanks for taking care of me while i'm sick. giving me the food i wanna eat cos other shit are too painful to swallow. and walking all the way from ur room to the kitchen cos i'm too lazy to take my medicine.
to mummy ---> thanks for so not bugging me to do housework or anything cos i'm really damn freakin sick.
to vicente ---> thanks for taking care of me, giving me food and making me breakfast, and doing well wadever i ask u to do cos i'm either too lazy or too in pain.
to vivian ---> thanks for the advices girl, and thanks for making me happy whenever i'm sad. i noe i've been shitty lately. but heck i love u.
to cheryl ---> thanks for being there for me for like forever! like since wad pri 3? u've always had my back. dunno if i always had urs but i really really really love u for being dere and life wont be the same if u suddenly just left. so thank you thank you thank you!
to kartik ---> thanks for saying u'll study with me. i admit i was abit of a bastard when i rejected u. and u're still dere to study wif me. u gotta help me with my math ok!
to martin ---> thanks for being that happy thing in my life. cos u do make my smile with ur laminity and stuff.
to prem and zenn ---> thanks for teaching me bmx. u took my mind off my troubles. u guys rock but i wonder if i'll ever be as good as u.
to shahrin ---> thanks for always sending me funny ass videos when i'm down. and thanks for watching my back. i appreciate it like soo much
and finally
to augustine ---> thanks for going. indirectly, u gave me my life back. u're right, i'm not myself anymore. i lost myself when i was with u cos i gave u everything until when u left i had nothing. but now, i'm out to get a better life. so thanks.


in a perfect world,
louiza will be strong, strong enough to fall and stand up on her own.
louiza will perservere, persevere through the strong winds and study.
louiza will never stay sad for long, she'll cheer up and not hide away in her room.
there'll always be someone to pull louiza up, give her that nudge so she can take baby steps.
tonsilitis wont exist, so there's no chance louiza will get it and suffer.
cruelty wont exist, so augustine will have the heart to not hurt me.
God will come down in person, to hug his child tightly and dry her tears.

in a perfect world,
augustine will see that louiza is pushing aside her hurt and dismay and crawling to him to cheer her up cos this world is not perfect she's not strong she cant study she's damn sad no one's around she has tonsilitis she's hurt by him and God cant come down,
and he'll push aside his hurt for just a peaceful heavenly moment to make the little girl which was his smile again.


in a perfect world,
the word perfect wouldnt need to exist...


today was a sick painful day... my throat was and is still killing me. woke up at 12.30 and i was like in a shitty state.... throat was freaking pain... cldnt eat breakfast... cldnt get out of bed... finally got out at 3. tried to eat lunch but it was like damn painful... took a bath and went back to bed.... man i felt so fucking miserable and lonely.... no one to take care of me... etc... except my bro he made sure i was ok and stuff.. gave me water... i think its cos before bryan left me he told him to take care of me... well it does help... but i need someone to really be there to care for me... and hug me.. haizx.... life sucks la. i went to the doctor found out i got severe tonsilitis.... no wonder its so freaking pain... all dis will be easier.... if only i had someone dere...


"augustine is out" is really very unconvincing. i admit "augustine busy" worked better. although its abit old. i noe... but "augustine is out" is not gonna work 1 min after i chatted with him online. so y'all gotta change that u noe. like maybe have variations. "augustine's eating..." (so he got no voice to answer) "augustine's slping" (dude its 4pm)... or even "augustine's in the toilet". i mean the most i'll just tink he's having severe diorherra. but hey. hahaha. "augustine is out"?? abit um.... lousy. hey i'm cool with all the lying man. i really am. i still love u guys. i noe blood is thicker than water so even if AUGUSTINE IS A BITCH, u're all still gonna be great supporters! now thats wad family is all about. rock on dudes!

p.s. sorry i just had to get tt off my emo chest. and augustine, if u have balls dun hide behind ur family. after all, i was steading u. not ur sister.


Lord pls help me. i'm sorry i dint go mass. i'll go later at 6. my head is still spinning and my throat is really reallly reallly really damn freakin pain. i have a damn bad infection. and its really pain even as i type this. but u noe wad, when i swallow rite, i cant help but cry. its really really dat pain! i cldnt get out of bed cos of my condition and i cldnt talk to anyone without cringing. pls help. and thats not all. my dad is angry at me for leaving my ezlink behind at the skate shop. and even though i'm sick, he's scolding me and forcing me to go there. i feel like dying. i'm so sick but i'll have to walk so freaking far to the shop at east coast. its not my fault. the person forgot to return me. i really really want all this to be over fast. pls make me better cos i've been feeling sick for many days. and today's the worse. please Lord pleAse grant me a miracle and allow a pair of helping hands to rescue me from this shit. but i'm really begging u. pls take away my throat pain. amen.


just.woke.up.i'll.post.abt.yesterday.cos.yesterday.this.fucking.blogger.was.down.again. yesterday.was.a.total.screwed.up.day. i.was.100%.emo.and.i.tink.i.gave.hell.to.a.few.ppl. the.whole.fucking.day.i.was.in.bed. only.got.up.to.eat. i'm.serious. i.wasnt.slping.or.anythg.i.was.just.clinging.on.to.memories. vivian.n.cheryl.called.me.out.to.suntec.to.have.fun.as.usual.but.i.really.dint.have.mood. i.was.idiotic.as.usual.i.called.him.again. he.told.me.not.to.call.again. so.i.just.went.back.to.my.hideout.to.be.sad.which.of.course.was.my.bed. life.sucks. by.the.end.of.the.day.i.had.headache.neck.cramps.sore.throat.and.fever. i.felt.so.fucked.up. last.time.he'll.come.take.care.of.me. now.all.i.have.is.my.bed. also.yesterday.was.the.day.i.let.another.go. simply.cos.i.wasnt.ready.and.things.were.not.suitable. i.stayed.up.till.3.looking.at.photos.and.crying. i.cried.alot.last.nite. tears.just.rolled.down.when.i.looked.at.pics.

today is a new day. same shit different day.


louiza is an emo fuck
louiza is useless
louiza fell into temptation last nite, and unblocked him
louiza then got damn hurt and was crying till 3.
louiza is so soo fucking weak

today louiza went out with martin to try get him off her mind.
but it didnt work much.
louiza was still very sad even while she was out.
cos louiza is a fucked up emo kid.

louiza went home.
and dint even bathe.
just lied down...
sian.
but no louiza was a fucking brainless stupid girl.
she fell into temptation.
she missed him too much,
she still havent got over him.
so she called.
he answered.
and said he was busy.
so she went back to being sian.

watched tv.
had a fucking trobbing headache.
then at 8
louiza was a fuck up stupid emo useless bitch
louiza fell into temptation again.
and called him.
he said he was busy.
louiza was soo fucked up and stupid.
so fucked up and stupid.
louiza started begging him not to put the phone down.
louiza wanted to see him for 5 mins.
louiza dint noe why, she just missed himm toooo fucking muchh.
louiza really needed him.
louiza promised to not make him sad.
he kept saying no
but louiza begged and begged cos she's a low ass fuck.
so he agreeed.

he came dwnstairs
louiza kept quiet most of the time.
martin kept calling
louiza killed call
louiza couldnt take it
then he left.
martin mesged he's coming down
louiza said its ok dont he's gone.
then aug came back
he kept telling her how her actions hurt him
over and over again.
louiza got sadder
louiza started to cry
louiza told him she went out with martin
aug got the wrong idea.
martin appeared out of nowhere.
aug left.

martin tried to console me
but louiza was unconsolable.
she just cried.
then martin left
louiza sat there in the dark
thinking.

louiza went home
still sad.
beginning of the day. in the bus. quite happy. psyched to try have a good day. see. we were trying to act jap. cant make it.













i start to give in to my fragility... he creeps into my mind... now i get sad during lunch....













going home. look at how fucked up i am. sad mostly. this is a real pic. i dint purposely hold an expression saying "i'm fuckd up" its a natural look. and yes. my eyes are not nice in this photo. i look like a fucking zombie. this is wad being fucked up does to u. i guess martin dint help much.







end of the day. after aug and martin left. sitting downstairs in the dark. fucked up. stupid me. useless me. fucked up girl.


so much for a good day.





temptation is a really bad evil. i've been tempted like countless times today to call augustine... but i'm proud of myself that i managed to overcome the temptation and not do it. i just recalled all the hurtful things he did to motivate me not to. i noe its sad and unfair, but its the only way to move on. i really wouldnt wanna call his house again and get ostrasised by his family. i wonder wad they think of me right now. i have a feeling its negative. oh wells... but i cant say i'm really strong yet. it hurts really... out of nowhere aug will come into my mind and i'll have that sad longing feeling again. but then i'll try to push it out cos i dun think he's feeling that way. i think he would rather me out of his life anyway. and anyway i have to confess, i fell into temptation. i saw aug online... and i had to unblock him.... at least for 15 mins... just to see if he'll respond. i spent 5 mins staring at his chat window watching whether he'll type something... even now he's unblocked.. i think if by the end of this post he doesnt reply, i'll block him again and not unblock again... at least i'll try... ppl say i shld delete him... but i'm not ready for that step yet...
well today was sian again.... the whole day i was like literally bumming.... from the bed, to the couch to the tv to the fridge to the phone.... seriously man. i need someone to push me to study. and ya leon contacted me after so long. and now he wants to stead me. u noe seriously, ppl think i flirt... and play... etc. but they dont noe my side of the story. i dunt call for these guys to come. they just do. and right now i dont have the strength to tell them to go away. i've told 3 to give up and 1 to give me time. and here another one pops up. seriously man.. cant i have a break... when i was with aug it was easy for me to turn a guy down. i had support. rite now i'm so weak and fragile. and there's guys who wont stop coming... really i'm not trying to boast here. i'm just abit fucked up by all the unwanted attention. well... today slacked around the house.... all the way till like 5. supposed to go orchard with martin but he cldnt make it in the end. den at 5 he called me to his house to watch movie... so i went... my whole family was at tm buying my bro's psp. lucky ass. then went for a drink and came home.
seriously man. i need motivation, strength, anything. time, could u fast forward to the future so i can see if i'll ever be truely happy?


i'm proud of myself. whole day i managed to resist not contacting aug. i stayed home and tried to mug for my history exam. haha. is mere reading, with sweets and msn considered mugging? haha well at least its a start rite? well tts wad i kinda did the whole day... watching tv.... oh and yea i started drawing the famous stars and straps logo and have been stuck drawing it since 7pm. still not done with it. then... walked the dog with martin for awhile... then i went home to have dinner... carry on drawing... and watch tv!! hehe. then yea actually 060606 is the day i'm supposed to tell martin whether i wanna be with him... but yea... i duno... i'm not ready yet... so i told him i need more time to recover and be myself again. and the surprising thing is, he understood... so yea, we'll see wad time does ya. so it was back to my drawing... and chatting online.... with like soo many ppl... i tink i'm really gonna quit msn one day. haha. oh and bryan was online he was at sch and we were making fun about how we first kissed. lol. damn paiseh cos the methods we used were really damn lame. like. u move nearer... i move already! nearer... ok we try 5 secs.. den 10... k i do first den later ur turn to do longer. hahaha shit like that. damn embarassing to talk about it. hahaha. but funny la. no doubt the kisses were planned and not really magical but it was darn funny. and unique. ahahah. but for now, louiza just concentrate on ur life ok? just have fun being an average girl. ;p
btw, have a new hp. yay!


today sucked because i was still fucked up and sad over augustine.... i went to church alone.... so sad no aug... i was so lonely and miserable... saw a few cute guys. (martin said he hates me, he's on the phone now- "hi. any guy want to take louiza away, he'll get it") like wadever rite... he's an action ahbeng. back to the story. i went home straight cos had no mood to go out... then i just bummed around... sianified myself on the bed most of the time.... then augustine called... and ya things got ugly again... so fucked up. how to get over him over him when he keeps lingering behind. and i'm not strong enuff yet to completely block him out. (martin says he loves me) then at the end, i dunno why but his mother got involved and seriously i think thats the last straw for me. i really felt damn low at that point. i was like damn sadd... i continued to stay in bed feeling screwed... then kartik called me out. and i have no idea wad made me go but anyway he made me walk all the way to 7/11 and to the bus stop where he left me to walk all the damn way home. alone. but seriously i dun really care cos i was already so fucked up. the world can explode and i wont care. i went back home. was supposed to go to my father's fren's house but i really really dint have the mood. so i went to sleep. (btw martin's being so nice now. he's like listening to me blogging which is like 90% crap) then i woke up feeling all fucked up and fucked up. then... family came home and i ate dinner. then i thought about while i was bathing. why the hell am i being sad over someone who doesnt respect me? i gotta get over it. so i got a plan. i'm gonna like wipe augustine out of my system. and like just concentrate on the priorities of life. and maybe stead martin cos it will be damn fun. but first the main thing is to be able to move on. yea! see thats my plan.
so i went to watch pirates of the carribean. and now i'm here. and yaa. happier.


help... i'm getting weak and sad again... i'm doing my research, trying to start doing my work, and i notice aug's online... it hurts tt he's ignoring me... i wanna talk to him so badly... but i noe he'll only hurt me... telling me he dont wanna be with me.... i need to get over him quick.... vivian says that i shldnt msg him.... i noe she's right.... but it really hurts... i'm so sad.... i really really really need to get over him quick....


30 mins ago, i would have come here and wrote a damn saddening post. the past few days have been the saddest days of my life. i cant get over augustine... he's hurting me but still i cant move on... seriously... today all i did was bum at home. dint go sentosa, dint go bmx. nothing. i just stayed at home at rot. was like mopping around.. literally... like i dint eat lunch until 5pm. tts how sian and sick i was of life... then in the afternoon... found out martin is in shit again... how much worse can my life get? was so fucked up, i went for a ride after dinner alone... just to clear my mind.... but its not really working.... then came online, cheryl n vivian cheered me up abit.... we've made plans to try make me move on... we'll see if they work... mainly i'm not writing emo negative fuck here cos they've made me kinda cheered up abit... but really.. i cant get over augustine.... shit man.... i hate the way he plays my feelings....


I'm lost at sea,
the radio is jamming,
but they won't find me
I swear it's for the best,
and then your frequency
is pulling me in closer till I'm home
and I've been up for days,
I finally lost my mind,
and then I lost my way,
I'm blistered but I'm better and I'm home

I will crawl,
there's things that are worth giving up, I know,
but I won't let this get me,
I will fight,
you live the life you're given with the storms outside,
somedays all I do is watch the sky

This room's too small,
it's only getting smaller,
up against the wall,
I'm slowly getting taller,
in this wonderland, your skin feels so familiar and I'm home

I'll crawl,
there's thing that are worth giving up I know,
but I won't let this get me,
I will fight,
you live the life you're given with the storms outside,
somedays all I do is watch the sky,
and somedays all I do is watch the sky

and I think I,
I could use a little break
today was a good day
and I think I,
I could use a little break,
but today was a good day...
and it's a deep sea,
in which I'm floated,
and still I sink to think that I must...

crawl,
there's things that are worth giving up I know,
when you can't bare to carry me,
I'll fight,
you live the life you're given with the storms outside
and somedays all I do is watch the sky

today was a good day
today was a good day...


tts me talking to u on graduation... :)
i'm glad things are settled. i was just hurt that you kept pushing me away even though i was trying to be nice. u came into my life, and left permanent marks behind. can't believe u're gone. but at least now i noe u still care.

today is such a random useless day... nothing much to blog about... what shld i do tmr? go sentosa for a tan wif da gurls? or go biking with da guys? honestly rite now i'm so fucked up i just feel like bumming at home... we'll just see wad tmr brings...








today was fun and nice. forced to get up at 9 cos some construction ppl were outside my window painting the block and making so much fucking noise. kaupey.... so got up... and went to sch la. went to sch, found out the lecture i supposed to go was a jc2 advanced gp lecture. nonsense la i dun even take gp so i decided not to go... anyway alot of ki ppl also never come. then i went to 24hrs... to buy my family lunch... met kartik there... still dun understand his point.... dun think i ever will.... then i went home. weather was freakin hot. vivian and cheryl called me go meet them at kovan to go kc after tt. tt was like at 12, but then i realised i got bmx riding with prem and his ppl so cancelled out on them. man tt session was damn cool man. learnt quite alot abt flatland... prem and zenn damn pro laa... but i'm so proud of myself! i noe how to do forkglide and barspin!!! :D yay! hahahaha. all i have ta do is polish up. dammn happy.


<------ tts me being soo tired












P.S. i noe u'll be reading this... u say i've changed... got influenced.... i am back to my old self... i promise u i'm not... i'll always remember wadever u advised me... i think u've changed... u started to lose ur temper at me more.... dint trust me.... dint understand... u slam the phone down on me all the time.... i'm still trying to be nice.... u're not. look who's changed.