jellybeanies
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many interesting stuff on the news. firstly, paris is like suddenly changed. haha. quite amusing. makes you wonder really? or is it just some dumb blonde attention seeking thingy.... to gain sympathy and proclaim that she's been enlightented while being in there. quite cute personality of hers. oh wells i totally understand how it feels for people to talk and discuss about you, as if they can totally make out the sort of person you are, or what your real intentions are. so whatever the case is, good luck paris in whatever the hell you're trying to do be it reform or what. but yeah i for one totally believe that people can change really drastically so who knows, maybe she'll raise eyebrows. only time will tell.

and i totally hate hate hate chris benoit. what a loser. i hate him for what he did to his family. how can u kill a 7-yr old?? and like u're so ruining the rep of wwe and all their plans. now people are gonna think wwe breeds dangerous murderers. i mean ya take steroids or wadever to build ur stupid muscles but why not in moderation?? i so feel sorry for all the kids out there who were great benoit fans. like what a freakin let down. its like they've been idolising a madman all this while. how disgusting. and cos of him, wwe plans of mr mcmahon dying were like so ruined and forced to look ridiculous. i mean ya its obvious vince didnt die but just cos of his stupidity, he had to make vince emerge sooner and cock up the whole show. i hate him.

21 july. thats the release date for the last harry potter book. hmm... i hope harry dies.

so ya, those are the stuff that caught my attention in the news today.

its 10pm now, but im too lazy to bathe. martin went home a while ago. came over to steal my fries that i cooked. STEAL ok. he was eating and playing with my brother psp. the stupid need for speed carbon or wadever. yawns.... oh wells at least he helped wif the dishes.

today we spent the whole day at home sleeping. cos last night we talked all the way till like nearly 4, and i had to wake up at 6 today for my stupid malay exam. but at least its the last paper. but then work carries on again. like now. bummer. and the weather is like damn blardee hot. lucky i was sleeping in aircon the whole day.

i've been slacking since thursday. so after i bathe tonight, i hope to do some work. (=

k now i'm gonna bathe. but not after chatting with darls. just called daddy. i want milk. cos i might wanna read later. or maybe i should do work... see! lazy me!!!


tomorrow's my ki exam. i havent studied. neither do i plan to. i just dont feel like. so tomorrow i'm going to get up at 9 and do some reading. yes i'm being complacent. i'm hoping there's enough logic in me to allow a pass at least. or a C. after all its just a logic paper. yes rather arrogant. but quite frankly, i'm not feeling fine emotionally to commit my mind to a subject that requires 100% concentration.

today was the first day back at school, and also the day of my economics paper. dont think i'm gonna do very well because i started studying like so few days before the exam. how much knowledge and skill can one acquire in that amount of time? unfortunately for me the paper was rather doable. if only i studied more. funny how life is full of "if-onlys".

gets quite frustrating at times.

my first day back wasnt so bad. but maybe that's also cos i only spent like 3 hours there. hard to judge in such a short time.

well, i'm going to read my novel now. 6th harry potter book. yes i'm that staunch on not studying. gonna get a glass of milk and be on my way.

by the way congrats to my cousin who gave birth this evening.



my heart is beating from me
i am standing all alone
please call me only
if you are coming home

today i stayed home. trying to study. well i did one econs essay which totally sucks. and after that my brain stopped working. for 2 hours it has stopped working.

the weather's nice though. that's the only good thing

i have to sit for the exams. i have to go school. someone save me.

i've accomplished negatives. remember? now the number 2 thing to do is to pretend to be deaf. you cant stop people from talking.

i'm gonna do this, i'm gonna do my work i'm gonna pass i'm gonna make it.

i will right?

but for now i cant study. brain has stopped working. so i'm going to get some fresh air. gonna meet martin like any time soon. havent been spending much time together. stayed home yesterday too to do work. yesterday was more productive.

everything's so last minute. but i'll do my best. right?

one day at a time.


im happy with the weather. very. the moment i woke up i was greeted by the grey clouds and the day remained pleasant. not a single minute was there the heat from the blazing sun. the frequent drizzles made everything feel nice and wet. kept me happy throughout the day. even now i feel contented hearing the rain as cars drive by, wheels running through the puddles.

today after lunch spent the whole afternoon drafting THE letter and finally sent it. now waiting for a reply. hmm... relaxed for awhile and at nearly six, met martin for the awesomest time ever.

it was like slightly drizzling... we took the dog for a walk. longest walk ever. all the way to pasir ris beach. strolled there and took nearly an hour. on the way there, stopped by at downtowneast to buy snacks.

it was damn funny walking there, joy kept walking on wet terrains and kept getting all wet and gross. when we finally got to a bench on the beach, joy jumped up to the bench and we kept laughing, cos we didnt want her to walk on our laps and dirty us with mud so we kept pushing her to each other. but finally she settled down between us.

ate until it got quite dark, then decided to make our way back. quite tiring though. took another route, as usual making ourselves more tired by laughing and what not....

on the way back we stopped at central for bubble tea, then went home.

after taking a long bath, had dinner and have been reading the fifth harry potter book. but now, decided to come online. chatting with darls now, maybe i'll window shop online awhile later. and if i'm in the mood maybe i'll fold some of my mountain of clothes.



life's getting harder as the days go by. these days i'm like getting sick. like now, i'm having a real bad sore throat and the cough isnt making anything less painful.

time's like 12am now. been lying in bed reading the 4th hp book. i seriously need to get started on some real work. tomorrow i shall. i hope.

today had to last-minutely go down to the newater plant to plan for the service learning project. more work. sighs. exams are like in less than 2 weeks. i feel far from prepared.

like i said, tomorrow i shall.

blogging's becoming a bore. only cos there's hardly anything to blog about. life's changed that much.

i will not give in.

good night.


its one of those days that i'm drooping around wondering what's all this for?

do we really get happiness from all this trouble? when is it the end? when do we know that we've accomplished what we're supposed to? or are we just going to be forever chasing something....

is it all even worth it? i hate these feelings. makes everything seem meaningless. then, what happens after we've accomplish what we wanted? where do we go from there....

just some stuff that has been running around in my mind today. think i'm staying at home too much.

but i hardly have energy to really go out. plus the weather is sweltering. yuck. i hate it. i'm in my room and i'm pespiring. hate this sick feeling. cold showers dont work no more.

finished reading the 3rd book today. maybe i shall go on to the 4th. and that's only cos i dont wanna do math. or econs. or history.

i'm such a lazybum.

and once again i shall push away potential negatives. (=

oh yea! yesterday was fun. we had dinner with dogg again.


there's always so much to blog about. funny thing is, when i actually get down to do so, almost nothing come's into my head. is my memory really starting to fail?

weather's really hot today. i cant believe its only 3.15pm. time's moving so slowly. martin went to work today. lonely day for me. i went to college at 8am for math lect. for ppl who failed. yeah how dumb can i get. what happened to the days when i was aceing math? gone i suppose.

didnt stay all the way till 12 though. today was one of my mood swings day. felt really shitty in school it was so frustrating. really. thank goodness i was msging vivian during the lecture. really made things a lot more survivable.

the lecture wasnt that bad either. i finally know at least know something about sampling and hypothesis testing. i was a total idiot for sitting the exam without even knowing a shit.

back to my loneliness, i dread him being like so far away. worse still he's uncontactable. sucks not having him to cheer me up. especially just now during the lecture.

oh and pleassseeeee dont ever leave me again without saying a proper goodbye! cos i really miss you now. )=

its like 2nd week into the holidays and i havent accomplished as much work as planned. total disappointment.

just before coming online, i've completed reading the second book of harry potter. not for fun mind you, for my stupid philosophy project that i've barely started. fahmi intimidates me. he's been consulting the teachers on his project like since forever. makes me feel more useless that i'm so darn lazy.

work work work. never blardee ends. guilty part of me just whispers i never even started. sighs.

well since i have like the whole day to myself, i might as well do some work. maybe i'll study math after this. i ought to...

and another motivational thingy i've devised to keep my spirits from falling (like it always does these days) is to push all shits aside. meaning, avoiding contact with things that have high potential of making me feel like shit and more worse about myself.

so the key is to concentrate on me me and me! yup. 100% louiza. no crappy shit.

by the way i finally understand the true essence of fashion being therapeutic. random but true. so i plan to get some therapy done soon.

i just know there's so much to blog about but i just cant seem to remember anything now. its quite irritating.

oh anyway, martin and i watched men in white yesterday. disappointment. very very lame. but certain parts were quite funny. lol. just glad i had him. hardly complained even though i know the movie sucked. sorry for dragging you around darls.

aite im gna start on my work soon. no point blogging anymore. nothing's entering my mind that's worth talking about.

sorry if these days my blog is boring and boring. i think its the moodswings. hahs.


the weather really sucks. these past few days it has been getting on my nerves big time. its been so freaking hot, even in the night its hot. even at 3am when i'm usually freezing its hot. and so

and so!its the funnest. and the funniest. the funny shit we do tgt. if u look at the last pic, we bought her a dog treat at the nearby pet store cos the irritating stray cats were PURPOSELY walking around to make her bark and we didnt want her to blow her cover.

but if all else failed, the plan was to pretend we didnt know THE DOG.

oh shit i shld go now. gtg get ready for church.

and for the record, mister martin i do read your blog. and please keep all dirty laundry between us and not post it up for attention. people read invisible ink. and by the way i didnt want to dirty talk i was just saying u were my pervert and was wondering what could happen from there. apparently you didint care and u just said ok. -_- like come one... which guy says ok??

love you lots lots! muacks muacks!!!