jellybeanies
icon, resources, host, host.

MUAHAHAHHAAH i'm crazy

jumping around to avril's girlfriend

like i said i'm crazy

jump with me?

get lost with me?

in a world of our own?

hahahahh.

i neeed an mp3. my life's lonely now. no company for long rides.

but apparently i shouldnt ask my daddy.

hmmph! i want one.


today was duck tours day. quack!

lol. once again delilah was like confused to suddenly be in water. cuteee >.<

oh and tomorrow stupid appointment. 2.25.

HELP!!!


ironically the evil person in the movie is the future mother-in-law.the partyspread cam-whoring! my victim.
delilah: my mom's crazy. wth am i doing so high up??


ohkay i have a proposal to hand in by tomorrow. and its not done yet. :O been too busy these days. :/ evil in harry potter! rarr!!! so i gotta blog fast fast then do.

but it is vital that i blog cos i havee to update about stuff that's been happening.

today was family outing day. with the family that actually stays together. (: we went to the balloon today!!

that DHL balloon at bugis. u guys know about that? yupyup!! thats the one! the high high one!!! then there was this kindergarten school who were brought there to fly. and the teachers were like dont be scared! must conquer your fear of heights!

41 storeys ohkay. hahahh.

soo when it was finally our turn, we scrambled into the balloon. hahah. and floated up!! you guys should really really go for it.

really. its kinda a short ride. but its cool being really really high. bring someone you love up there. the feeling's magical.

so when we were at maximum height, vicente and i started walking around the balloon. joana my sister was like scared lah! she didnt move at all. just hung to the railing. like forever. same spot. but me and vicente were like charging around. hahah and taking pics and looking directly down. lol. so cool!!

and delilah came ohkay!! hahah! she looked so shocked to be so high. cried abit. it was so funny!!! hahahh!!! but she stayed with my mum and sis as bro and i like ran around like crazy people. lol.

then on the way down i talked to the guy. apparently he's only working as balloon man to escape his father who is owner of some company and is forcing him to take over the business cos he's the only son.

LOL!!

but isnt it good to have like a future prepared for u? like even if u dont work so hard you already have an economic empire waiting for u.

and he works as balloon man. -_-

when we were finally down we went to suntec cos we were supposed to go for the duck tours. lol. but then the nexxt ride was like at 5 and my sister couldnt go for it cos she was gonna have piano.

but we're going tomorrow!!! :D

so bro sis and i went home in a cab while parents decided to do grocery shopping at carrefour. i dont like grocery shopping. i only liked it once in my life. like walking around buying snacks to stock up!! hahah!! i cant wait to meet someone who will do that with me again. >.< prince in fairytale.

when i got home like delilah was so damn naughty!! whole day i had to be next to her if not cry. that girl ah.

finally parents took over and now i can rest. but not for long cos i'm gonna have to do that stupid proposal by tonight so tomorrow can go out in peace.

talking about plans. i got the appointment at skin centre again. like on thursday. i guess i have to go alone. sighs. 2.25pm. all the way at novena the most boring place on earth.

then on 4th dec 2pm i gotta go see the college councellor by order of the school. please lah... i'm not mad or psycho. and i totally dont like the councellor. she's VERY kaypo. she asks irrelevant ques that doesnt make me feel better. makes me feel more awkward and uncomfortable. i rather talk to my principal. but i think she's too busy.

suddenly i feel alone.

BIG SIGH

oh wells i cant change reality right.

ohkay i'm gonna post pictures in a new post then gonna do my work. i wont post all the rest will be on facebook when i have the time.

enjoy.

sorry couldnt drink with you today karl. no one at home while parents go carefour. ya. but we do another day kay!! cos i still wanna learn FLAIRING. is that it? the throw bottles thg? lol. u can drink. i'll FLair.


:)

let me start in the beginning. last night. when 3 of us were chatting online till 2 plus though we were suppose to meet at kallang at exactly 0930hrs. somehow we werent tired. the plans for the day filled us with adrenaline. like total excitement. yeah i was feeling fuck about my birthday. but after hours of deliberating from 1230, we had a plan. a nice one.

we were to meet at 0930 at the bus stop near vivian's house cos she lived at kallang. then rush to leisure park to ice skate when it opened at 10am. stop skating at 12 and then rush to plaza sing or marina sq to catch the 1.25 show, enchantment. then from then, we would play by ear.

as for me, what i was really looking forward to was watching the movie. that i wanted to watch like since FOREVER. the ice part, nahh... i so dint wanna get injured since i'm like so noob while those two were like pro.

while chatting with them, i suddenly heard a song by the everly brothers. k actually not heard but a song suddenly came in my head. lol. then suddenly i was hooked. so i dug out my dad's old cd and played it on chanel (which you guys should know is my laptop). yes yes everly brothers are old but their songs are just sooo nice! so cute! the tunes and everything. very very catchy.

in fact i would so be listening to them now if del wasnt slping in my room. cos if i listen then if she cries i may not hear. :/

k finally at around 2 plus i was getting a headache so i finally decided to sleep.

***fast forward***

woke up at 7.30. actually i wanted to wake up at 7. but couldnt. haha. reason for waking up darn early as if i'm going school, the stupid leisure park is so damn unaccessible, like 1.2km away from the mrt station. so i had no choice but to take 12. and cheryl had no choice but to take 14. meet vivian at the bus stop, and walk together. oh but at first cheryl was like saying, "not bad wad 1.2 is like napha. can finish in 6 mins." -_- like hellooo!!! my minimum for 1.2 is like 7??! then vivian and i started teasing cheryl on How she can run damn fast. hahha.

so i got dressed, made my makeup nice nice, then left the house at 8.30.

thankfully God's kind and the first bus that came was 12. as i got up the bus, i prepared myself for decomposition. the ride to kallang is damn long ohkay!! and its been like forever since i took a freaking long bus ride. plus i was going to have to pass that stupid school. ughs!! *vomits*

so for the first 10 mins, i msged vivian. i was complaining i had gastric so i asked her to bring food for me. then suddenly karl called. so yay company. he couldnt sleep so he was watching the stupid ellen degenrasefsdfasd however u spell that name show. and i was going ewww i hate her!! she's such an ugly butch!! lesbian blahblahblah.... then we started talking about talkshows about how now everyone in hollywood has a talkshow. tyra... oprah... ugly butch... oh karl likes oprah! hahahah! he tinks she's kind for giving out gifts to the audience like imac all. lol.

then like finally i reached the bus stop i was supposed to meet vivian and cheryl at. i thought cheryl would have arrived earlier than me cos she lives like at tanah merah and she was also leaving at 0830. but i was first!! :/ and cheryl came like a thousand years later cos apparently she took the wrong bus. over and over again. hahahah!! vivian and i were like complaining and sending her pictures of us sitting at the bus stop with sianed expressions.

so we sat there... vivian reading her driving license manual and i chomping on koko krunch that she managed to salvage from home. no i'm not taking my driving license. i find it so ew if i dont have a car but take license. like so driver wannabe. i will take when i can buy my own car. and ambitiously i plan on making my first car a lambougini. karl dont laugh.

finally!! like cheryl came! we started saying like we've been there since 6am and she actually believed. lol.! luckily, vivian's mom decided to drive us to the leisure park so we didnt have to walk like a thousand miles to it.

then we went ice skating!!!! hahah! my first time kaaayy!! vivian was like the pro one lah. like obviously. super blader wad. cheryl and i felt so bad for like pulling her down from performing to the best of her ability. lol!! cos most of the time she was like taking care of us. well me mostly cos cheryl's quite good. better than me. i was the lousiest. hahah. so ya she spent like a lot of time stuck with me.

it was so fun. 3 of us were laughing like mad.

according to her, i learnt fast. hahah. from knowing nothing, i could move myself. lol. well thats cos i saw everyone, even small kids gliding damn fast so i was like ohkay! za! you can do this! all about the balance! like skate boarding! like cycling! no difference.

then i just moved further and further from the barrier. but i kept turning against my will. -_-''

but after awhile i got the hang of it. yay! pretty proud of myself.

oh after this i plan to blog another post. about what i've learnt from ice skating. ya. look out for it.

then, cheryl and i died. actually 3 of us. bisters on our ankles. >.< so we decided to rest awhile. then after resting for like 10 mins we went in again.

and died shortly after. but i told vivian the key to iceskating is speed. so she who can skate fast found out i was right. when u move fast like super fast it doesnt hurt.

unfortunately cheryl and i have not reached that level of expertise. hahahh! so we decided to stop. after skating for 1 and a half hours. and watched vivian glide so gracefully. hahah. ordering her to do some stunts which she attempted to. which was so cute to watch. hahahah!

after she was satisfied with her skating, a happy vivian came to meet us at the bleachers.

then we made our way out. limping and feeling that our shoes were the best things on earth.

from inside the leisure park we could already see that it was raining like hell. but we wanted to go to town and the only bus stop was like some distance away. and there wasnt direct shelter.

so cheryl was like. nvm lah we quite damp from skating i think if we walk in the rain not much diff.

-_- like please lah there's a huge diff between damp and drenched.

but we decided to test it out and see if there were like routes we could take that were sheltered cos we desperately wanted to get out of that place. it was so boring. so Vivian led us out. see i'm innocent.

so after walking under the bit of shelter we had from the ledge of the building, we had to cross unsheltered road. so vivian was like run!! so i used my jacket to cover cheryl and i and we like walked fast fast to the shelter of the bridge across the road.

yes walk fast fast. me as a mom knows that floors can be slippery and she doesnt want anyone to fall.

reached the bit of shelter but like the stupid wind was damn strong it was spraying rain on us even though we were under the shelter. hahahh! so we were laughing our asses off. and we were like wet. like really really soaked.

so we were contemplating, maybe we should go back to the leisure park and eat while waiting for the rain to stop. but then cheryl and i were like reluctant cos that means we suffered for nothing and the bus stop was just like 70m away from where we were. but unsheltered lah. so it was like we were stuck in the middle.

then suddenly we saw the only bus that came. 16!! it was like coming!! so 3 of us suddenly started screaming like OMG OMG OMG THE BUS RUN RUN RUN!!!! so that gave us the push to run in the rain. and omg that was the biggest mistake ever. the fucking rain was so fucking heavy lah! it was like swimming i swear!! water was entering our eyes like hell and we were practically bathing with our clothes on

and best part. the driver saw us. but then he didnt wait. wad a bastard right!! thats why i dont ever run for buses. cos even if u run they dont wait. so unkind lah!!!

so when we finally reached the bus stop. we were DRENCHED!! to the bone! and my nice nice make up!! gonee!!! and our eyes were like washed out with disgusting rain water. and we were cold. our jackets were like soaked!! and our jeans felt disgusting!! u noe the sick feeling when u wear wet denim!! it becomes so heavy and stiff. ughs!!!

so cheryl now u see the difference between damp and drenched?!?

then and there we made the decision. we definitely couldnt watch a movie like this. then vivian suggested going to her house to dry up.

so instead of catching our planned 1.25 show, we detoured like wet cats.

a nice cab agreed to take us even though we were soaked. and when we entered the cab, 16 came behind us.

i hate sbs.

went to her house and was greeted by the dog that speaks canto. wah she's smarter than me sia.

dried up, borrowed her clothes and started planning. at the same time made coffee and played around in her room, with her dog.. blahblah...

in the end we decided to go vivo to catch the 3.30 show. so far from what we planned. after having coffee, vivian's mom drove us there.

and the rain stopped. what bitches.

the 3.30 show had whacked up seats. so no choice had to go for the 4.20 one. in the meanwhile we went to eat at carl's junior.

for once!!! i finished my burger. :D and saw that swinging man from upstairs again. of course eating came with talking and talking and talking. then we made our way to the cinema.

thats when we realised we were very tired... very very tired... from all the running in the rain and laughing and screaming. sat at our seats and nearly fell asleep. so many stupid advertisements.

and finally the show started!! omg so niceeeeeeeee!!!! >.< i would really want to live in a fairytale. hahahah! the girl was soo cutee. so naiive to think that true love came by being cute and nice.

i must say i'm kinda like that. thinking that if i be good someone will take care of me like a princess. *slaps self* i gotta stop thinking like that!!

anywayss, after the show i was soo missing delilah. she's MY princess!! so vivian walked us to the mrt then cher and i said bye to her!

and cher was so nice. followed me all the way to pasir ris. hahah!! we had weird people standing close to us in the train which was damn crowded.

then waited at the interchange like super long for a bus to come. then i went home and bathed.

ate chicken, talked to viv, surfed the net awhile, OF COURSE PLAYED WITH DELILAH!!! SOOO CUTEEE >.<

apparently she called my mom and sister daddy today. i think they were dreaming.

and now i'm blogging this. will upload pics later.

so ya. my birthday went totally out of plan. hahahh!! all the hurdles and difficulties like rain and buses and stuff. but we were together. thats what counts right? dont leave the people u love alone.

is there really a prince out there?


i love the everly brothers.

they're hot.


i have exactly 60 minutes before i turn a year older.

one thing about having a blog, you have the sad ability to look back into the past. well, its sad if you look back and find a shitty past and compare with the present and find out "hey, things are still shitty."

just looked back at exactly one year ago. this time, i was walking with martin to our spot, the playground near kartik's house. we were carrying our purchases from 7-11. ice lemon tea and cadbury chocolate. and in one hour's time, martin would ask me to be his and i would say yes.

if i could turn back time, i would say no.

i'm not ready to be 18. neither was i ready to be 17. my 16th year of living was shit too. got my heart broken more than 3 times that year. i was typing the same kind of blog posts that typically screamed I DONT WANNA BE 17!! I HATE THIS YEAR!! I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO MY BIRTHDAY!! I'M NOT EXCITED AT ALL!! LIKE HOW I USED TO BE!! HOW I USED TO GET EXCITED AS EARLY AS OCTOBER!!!

haha... i actually feel a sick nostalgic feeling just typing those down. perverse familiarity.

comparing it with my pre-birthday post this year, i dont see how things have improved.

i'm not looking forward to being 18. the age majority of persons look forward to.

i'm not done being 16. 17 came too early. and now i'm being forced into 18.

i guess time waits for no one.

there's so much in my mind right now, so much that i dont know what exactly to pin point and blog about. i shall just leave it as that. if any significant one highlights itself, i will blog again.

i have exactly 45 mins before i turn a year older.


a very late post. was too engrossed online shopping and chatting with vivian.































































and saw my baby!!! >.<>

















my hair is gonna grow to beat this length!





Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year
Love, you never know the minute it ends
suddenlyI can’t get it to speak
Maybe if I knew all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give.

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?

If you just don’t talk to me, babe.
I flow through my act
There's a question: Is she needed?
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did
I could never see us ending like this.
(Do you know?)
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that’s never ever happened to me.
(Do you know?)
But after this episode I don’t see
You could never tell the next thing life could be

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know?)(Do you know?)(Do you know?)(Do you know?)
Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know how it feels?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know how it feels?)
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)

i think i know.


the weather today's good, i woke up shivering my ass off.

after getting ready, i said goodbye to delilah and made my way to college for philo.

then the weather sucked. seriously its something to do with that stupid school. its forever hot! the whole year i've been dying there. its the hottest place i've ever been to, besides chinatown. and now when the rest of singapore is enjoying cold weather, i go there and sweat my ass off.

like i said its that college. its like a heater.

i arrived early so i waited outside the office for directions from adrian tan. (my teacher) then while waiting i suffered in the heat. and talked to karl. who was suffering too. he was trying to sleep but then apparently the room he was in had no fan. -_-

after like 15mins i was told by this year one person from philo that the lesson was gonna be held in the conference room in the office.

like THANK GOD! i was literally dying.

went there where like 8 students already were, and sat down at the head of the table, next to one girl. yes, i didnt know any of them at all.

but thankfully they were friendly. like seriously, introducing themselves etc. good nerdy people. and smart. some were funny too, in a lame way. which was cute. i'm starting to think maybe it wont be so hard fitting in again next year. but then its a total different story. cos philo class is like the smartest of the level which means nerdy goody two shoes. so they are nice. fitting in with the other classes and the school, total different story.

i thought i was turning nerdy ever since the breakup, with the increased studying and shit. but i was beaten hands down by the people there. they were hardworking as hell, i heard one of them even used vitamin drips to stay awake while studying. and they were all talking intellectually, it took awhile for me to switch to the clever intelligent mode.

it felt different suddenly conversing with intellectuals after so long. had a rather knowledgeable dialogue with a guy there on the communism revolution in china and the universal nature of evil. wahh, sounds so cheem just typing that down.

speaking of evil, i've decided on my harry potter topic which is, evil. :P talked to two teachers and finally made a decision. yup.

after which, i finished rereading stupid philo notes. during which they were all playing laptops and watching gundam seed. -_- but it was pretty new and interesting to be in a class like this. took a book from adrian tan by philosopher nietzsche. u guys should check it out if u're into metaphysics. if not dont waste your time. looks like i'm gonna spend time reading this german dude.

there was even a short discussion of the rape of nanking. freaky man. a girl was doing on it and i was looking at the pictures and suddenly the whole room was talking about war astrosities. bleahx.

so it was a good 3 hours and a half of exercising my brain. they were going out for lunch together but i did not. instead i made my way to east point. though its a freaking boring place, i was missing delilah.

parents took her and bro to east point to buy winter clothes for her. yeah she's coming to US. felt quite sad walking around cos you know this wasnt suppose to happen. :/

ate lunch, then went home. and thats when parents thought it'll be fun to dress delilah up in her new hot clothes. -_-'' i might post up a picture later.

now i'm gonna rest on the bed with my baby.


the wind's blowing through my window.

i smell the beach at low tide.

i love the weather. its the weather i've been waiting for all year.

pity he who was suppose to share it with me isnt here.

he left.


WHY DO I HAVE THE CUTEST BABY ON EARTH?!???

i'm like playing with her on my bed now. soooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee >.<

at the same time chatting to viv and cher.

:)


Hey, its like 5pm? and i've finished drafting out ideas for my philo proj already. gna go through them with adrian tan tmr at school. see so hard working right? haha. gotta start somewhere.

anyways i went to the dentist just now. alone. sobs. but luckily God's kind and didnt make me wait long. went to my old dentist!! yup the one who did the cosmetic surgery on me. :) nice to be back. and i cant believe 2 years has passed already. like so darn fast. and so much has happened in my life. sighs.

talking about time, vivian and cheryl have been best friends for officially 3 yrs! must go out for celebration alright! the uniting power of v wong. haha. and cheryl and i have been together since like.... p4? does that mean i've known her for half my life?? that's scary! and so fast!

after that went to tm to buy tix for bro and sis. they gna watch bee movie later. i wanna watch enchanted and bee movie!! vivian cheryl i order you to come bring me! the guy from enchanted is from grey's anatomy. haha. wonder whether he acts good in movies. he looks like a dog/wolf.

walked past that stupid 77th street. with stupid people who pierce people's noses. i think they should start a consent form policy. like need to get signature from the girlfriend to allow first. cos they're life-ruiners. or maybe its just him being stupid.

ya i think its him.

then i came home cos i hate going out alone. >.< not used to it. came home and finished my philo work. now i'm here!

hola!


i'm mentally exhausted, i think. i dont know how mentally exhaustion feels. long time since i've really worked my brain out. but anyways, i've been doing philo for hours. that was the subject of the day. stayed home and did philo. read, and drafted ideas for my new project. plan on going through them with my teachers on friday when i go back to college so they can help me pick the best topic.

k see lah. i stopped work to relax but my mind is still working even though i'm listening to rock. ughss... k gimme one moment to clear my head and switch to stupid mode.

mmmm...
mmmm....
mmm....

eh! if i dont talk about work there's practically nothing else to blog about cos that's all i did today. ??! wah sounds like i got no life. hahahah!!

i ate koko krunch though. while watching search for the next pcd. -_-''

and talked for like nearly 2 hours with my dad on the phone?? hahah! my new bf ah. see! karl wanted to talk to me today but i said busy. even that stupid kartik called but i say busy. but father, can talk long long.

basically i was asking for stuff. haha! and he was bitching to me about how work was damn busy cos of the ASEAN people who were flying in with their own planes.

so that's my day i guess? haha... i'm thinking. i've done mistakes in the past. i wanna set life straight no matter how suck it may be now. like study study and take care take care. even if its not the best, its my best. and i actually didnt give up. i know i'll reap rewards in the future.

then baby and i can live happily ever after.

i never saw education in this perspective before. aka, a job that gets me necessary salary which is a good future.

love. makes you do everything.

you know, let me digress awhile. i know shit happens. in life. yeah i knew that. but i didnt know shit like this would ever happen to me. to be betrayed so badly. to be left to fend for myself. it still makes me feel surprised, thinking about what happened.

xmas plans... haha.... plans of sharing everything... laptop, psp, house, father, car.

all crashed!

im so smart some people say. but i guess i'm not smart enough to not believe in people. i did things the way i was brought up, which was with love. lots of it. parents did not teach me to hate or wrong others. so that's how i was, believing in people.

i'm so smart.

thought if i loved, i'll be loved and taken cared of. actually u noe, i think i still believe that. there are good people around right?

i wanna have xmas plans with someone. i want to share my life with someone. i want someone to call me babydoll. (haha today i saw a show where the guy called the girl babydoll)

but now after being trampled on, i dont know if i'll ever want to try again. maybe when a person who's really good comes along. and proves it. and is honest with it.

till then, i'm working for the person i love most now. delilah. isnt that what love is? doing all for that person? and not leaving when things are difficult.

no matter how i feel "i can't breathe", i think i've breathed too much before and now its time to pick up the pieces. besides, life's just beginning. there'll be plenty of time to breathe later on. when things are perfect.

but things can only be perfect if i work now.

for the long run. ya that's what i learnt today. for the long run. philosopher boethius believes that true happiness is gained when we fulfill all our desires. to do that, we have to have discipline and eliminate desires that are unhealthy. cravings. selfish desires. then we should work on the healthy desires and fulfill them. healthy desires are what pays off in the long run. and what can be achieved through good virtues. only by being righteous and true to ourselves, we can reach true happiness.

shit. see back to stupid philo. bloody brain cant stop thinking.

k i shall go off now, before i bore you guys with enlightenment.


hmm so what did i do today.


















i type fast. really fast. and i'm so not used to it. my new password that is. i keep signing into blogger with my old password. and they keep redirecting me to the "type-ur-freakin-password-again" page.

anyway, let me tell u about my morning. you be the judge of it.

today's papsmear day right? well the thing is i couldnt get out of bed at 7.30. so i overslept till 9. which was my appointment time. and i learnt that it was a big mistake to.

because i had a dream. or to be more precise, a nightmare. which fucking sucked. i dreamt that it was all my fault, the whole world was blaming me and the person i loved left me. and even worse, he did some blackmagic thing and turned into a baby. that winked at me and said "i'll be back for you honey"

freaky right?!? and i was shouting WAIT TURN BACK!!! I DONT WANNA BE 38 BY THE TIME YOU RETURN FOR ME!! THAT'S TOO OLD!!! LETS TRY AGAIN!!! PLEASE!!!!

then when i woke up to find that it was a dream i was relieved. but then inevitably sad. so lesson one, dont push the snooze button.

but feelings of sadness had to be pushed aside cos i realised i slept right into my appointment. and i totally didnt want to delay my papsmear for another week. so i got out of bed and dialled the polyclinic, made a later appointment at 10 then went to bathe.

subsequently, all feelings of sadness that came later all arrived in manageable bite-sized portions. walking there was fast cos its just across the road. but walking IN to the clinic, that was when feelings came in. cos well we always go poly together. but luckily i didnt have to wait long and while i had to, i occupied my mind with philo notes (what's new) and solitaire. (on my hp)

i've been playing solitaire a lot recently i think my brain power's increasing. lol. yes. solitaire for the solitude. poor me. -_-.

im not a fan of hp games. but it certainly gets my mind of that.

my afraidness to go for the papsmear was neutralised by the bite-sized sadness. :/ confusing eh? but i felt a bit alone in a sense that every procedure i ever had to go for since the pregnancy was accompanied with him. oh wells.

so i was nervous about it, after all its my first time. but the nurses were really nice. like surprisingly. my past encounters with these poly people are like ughs. but today it seemed like they were having a good morning. or maybe God's kind to me.

after that awkward session, i was sent to payment with best wishes etc. so since i didnt have any medication, payment was pretty fast. went up to the counter and paid.

then i turned to leave. and that's when i think God was really being kind to me! LOL. he made my eye-candy sick and go to the polyclinic and stand a few feet behind me!!!!

omg! hahaha!! instant happiness! all the shit feelings from the morning evaporated! i wont say it publicly but his name starts with O. =D and out of all my exs, only augustine knows i have a crush on him. cos he always threatened to tell!!! meanie!

best part, O was staring at me!!! yay me!!! hahahahah!!! he was dressed simply in white shirt and white bermudas and looking so nicee! > <

so i had the enjoyment of a few seconds to walk out of the clinic and glance at him from sidelong.

then as i was walking to the supermarket to get something for my dad, i started to feel ew. like omg he saw me dressed in like wad? fbts, and oversized shirt, slippers and specs???! and my hair was in a bloody mess!

then i thought to myself, screw it. like i told karl yesterday. i'm done with trying to attract guys. so i shall just enjoy the view. LOL.

besides, i heard O's a stupid bf.

on the way back, i decided to pass outside the clinic to get a second serving. but sighs, he was hard to spot. stupid glazed glass doors!


vivian just made me realise somethg

my bday's on monday.

I DONT WANT IT TO COME!!! CAN GOD TAKE IT OUT OF REALITY?!??

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! I'M DAMN DESPERATE!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!

FUCK!!!!

FUCK!!!! I DONT WANT IT TO COME!!!!
FUCK!!!!!
JUST BECAUSE.!!!! UFKC

im scared. please dont come.






ughs! who knew stupid appendixs were freakin long? i'm still stuck reading it but i just stopped and i dont think i want to go on cos the thing just went onto a new section that is rather touchy to me right now. FREE-WILL. its hard to study it when u've just been hurt by someone who thinks he's programmed to do harm. and dont even wanna try do good.

"i tried so many times already!"

is there seriously a limit for tries then u get successful? ughsx!

k anyway that aside, i think i shall move on to math. at the same time chatting on msn. lol. i think vivian still hasnt realised i wrote her a rather embarrassing testimonial on friendster. haha and that was like so long ago?? hahaha. i shant embarrass her here on my blog. cos i think that'll be too much, no friendster will suffice.

speaking of msn, i feel happy. i've helped someone. or someones. or people la. a group to be exact. to feel good about themselves! they keep saying they're a band THATS STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE. -_- like who introduces themselves like that?? so poor thing right?

so i gave them a motivational talk. HAHAHAHAH!

and now they recite, WE'RE A BAND THAT HAS GONE THROUGH A LOT BUT WE STILL HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF US.

lol. i'm good. but seriously i heard a couple of their songs and they're not as STRUGGLING as they say they are. seriously its the freakin free-will thing. u make ur own life. and there's no limit to failures that like once u reach a certain number u're officially a permanent BAD PERSON. ughs!


i didnt know love was about abandoning when you think its too hard. even if it is i thought u're suppose to stay on cos u committed already.

oh ya the breathing problem.


oh wells... yawnsx... on to math.


blogging cos i'm sick of reading my stupid philo book. was reading on the nature of human science and actually its quite interesting. i might consider going into psychology if law doesn't work out. or business. haha ya business is the 2nd option. but i think psychology's more interesting. hmm...

well today was sunday, so once again went to church. 2nd time going to church without him, 2nd time with family. haha the one that actually sticks together through thick or thin. well and there was this new priest and i have to say the sermon was very helpful. it said that we will always have problems in life cos its part and parcel of living. we need to make sacrifices and we shouldnt make ourselves miserable by analysing it with our own human wisdom cos it will only cause us to make judgements that we think is right. instead we should use God's wisdom and when we do, we'll know what to really do. because if we do what we think we're suppose to do it'll make us bitter people cos we'll be wondering why the problem's like this.

the priest said that is for God to wonder about. he will deal with it when judgement day comes. and the readings even assured us that such a day would come and those who didnt follow would be burnt like stubble in the fire. so now our job is just to use HIS wisdom and not ours which is inferior and selfish, and do what his wisdom asks of us.

i found that really comforting. the part that problems are part and parcel of life. cos then it gave me comfort that my life is just like any other normal life. cos life is made out of problems. but maybe my problems and challenges came at an earlier stage than others. but still its a normal life.

and i shouldnt be feeling anger at those who hurt me and think of ways for them to learn their lesson cos that's God's job. my job is to learn and move on.

and also i see my reward for my work as watching delilah grow up and be happy in the future i want to give her. yes it means giving up a lot but if its for someone i love, why not. i may not be great as a mom but at least i'm here to try.

k religion aside, after church walked to tm and had lunch. long john silver's. lol long time since i ate there. then siblings n mom wanted to go vivo but i dint feel like, plus we figured it'll be too crowded for del to handle. so while they made their way there, daddy brought del and i back.

she was soo cute in the bus, staring at this pregnant couple who were smiling at her. lol. like in a few month they'll be having one for themselves. i felt so happy and excited for them.

after going home, dad washed her up while i went online to help him find some song. then when he went to work it like started raining so nicely! perfect scenario to watch a movie and snuggle.

del was asleep for most of the afternoon so i decided to continue my math and guess what?? haha finished "learning" another topic again. hahaha! ya " " again. so then i decided to jump to philo.

and that's when i started to get bored for awhile. and now i'm here!! :P

k i shall continue with a bit of philo cos now i just realised there's a stupid appendix for the human sciences.-_- so much for being done.

i shall use isqueeze at the same time.


just finished "learning" functions. haha. notice i put the " " cos i dont think i remember a shit. haha. did all e examples in the textbook i bought last week. but i'll admit i didnt do it without help. haha had to keep glancing at the freakin worked out answers.

but at least its a start right? hahaha. i hate functions la. hopefully the next chap INEQUALITIES will serve better. la la la.

so i'm gonna head to the next chap now. and i love vivian! and delilah! and listening to oi music now man.. haha something new. they wanna cover it. never knew no doubt sounded this gd.

delilah was such a good girl today! love loves! later~


there's this stupid small flying thing that's attracted to my laptop's screen cos of the light. its so irritating!! i keep shooing it away but it just comes back. i dont wanna kill it though. quite poor thing cos its been here last night too. so like a bit used to it.

but if it crosses the line it'll dieeeeeee......

so what did i do today? the usual. take care of the baby. she's super pretty. like thanks to yours truly. haha. read my philo notes too. and now currently reading up baby notes. yup on baby development n shit like tt. i'm a good mom ok! i actually study baby. hahaha.

well its actually just to make sure del's progressing smoothly and that i know all the illnesses so i can recognise them.

what a nerd right.

but i love my baby okay! like i said before to an insignificant person, "i didnt suffer 9 months to watch the baby get sick." yup, get the logic?

played with del like a lot. she was like so awake todayyy!! hahaha. then played com while she took an afternoon nap....

and and just now watched the see no evil. the movie kane acted in. freaky man he. go around gorging people's eyes out. watched it with vicente. and del. ya she was in my arms and i nearly pinched her when the freaky parts came. hahahaha.

talked to debbie today, and of course loving my vivian! suddenly we're so into high fashion and "window shopping". i want a prada bag i saw yesterday!!! and i plan to get a new wallet so hopefully daddy buys me a nice one. ><

k hint hint people. i may be performing at baybeats 2008. just a small possibility. ><

but only if delilah allows. :D

k back to baby studies.


so lets talk about today! :) my first official happy day since THAT day.

chio right...

cyclopsi met my twin todaytts freakyhand thingyyours trulymy evil twingoofyshe's prettyhehe stealing ur board suckaDONT BANG MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye