jellybeanies
icon, resources, host, host.

louiza is 0% near breakdown.

and i'm worried about that figure.
0%!!! that might mean i'm not doing enough work!!! that i'm taking things too slow and slack. AHHHHH!!!!!

and it so doesnt help that right now i'm waiting for my moviee to start. *slaps self*
yup so i decided to blog, and chat with viv darls for awhile.

HAHAHAH she's adorable.
i got into NUS pre-admissions law faculty....
OMG OMG OMG OMG ZA ZA ZA!!!!! I LOVE U!!!
HAHA i'm really really touched that you think i'm that smart. lols. but really out of us 3, the smartest is cher. always was.
KC. lol. elaboration is unnecessary. hahahs.
i miss those times.
lets go buy the uniform, alter like hell, and go shopping alright?! hahas.

anyyways, i've spent like the past few days drying out my brains with art philosophy.

i realised i love buildings.
castles to be exact.
gothic castles.
so i'm going to travel europe one day and take pictures of these castles.

ouh talking about travelling, vivian cheryl PLEASE plan our trip soon kay?! hahas

just now reluctantly i started to plan the stupid philo essay i'm supposed to write.
amazingly i did it in like 15 mins?
omg! i thought i would take hours as usual.
i guess all that reading paid off.

anyways, just some food for thought, did you know there's something called the curse of the ninth?
composers last time wouldn't compose more than 8 symphonies, cos there was a trend that composers died after composing their 9th. some lived for awhile but died while composing a tenth.
cool shit huh.

alright show starting soons, i'm outta heres.

Labels: 0%, brain food

Labels: 0%, blood ties, inspiration

UGHSX!!!! AJFADJFKDSJGHSKDVGHALKJHFWIEUHFSM,DOWEKFDA;LDKFGJKDHFASKHJFADJHFKDHF

I 'M SO SO SO IRRITATED!!!!!!

i know its a bit of my fault but i'm STILL VERY VERY RETARDLY ANNOYED!!!

SHIT!

Labels: 30%, blood ties

sometimes i feel alone.

just sometimes.

its the pms. i'll admit.

but it'll be nice to have someone who'll get you through it.


How many children had Lady Macbeth?

somehow i feel that the tone of this short question brings a mood of darkness and mystery. cold and dampened.

Labels: wordsmagicallyspun

no words can fully embrace the feeling of being offered that last chocolate piece of the birthday cake by an 11 year old brother.

Labels: blood ties

I CAME, I SAW, I CONQUERED.

that is one of the most well-used verses in popular culture today, that it has become a cliche.

but few know where that verse originates from.

many like it for its structural, poetic feel.

but few are aware of the authority that it connotates.

VENI, VIDI, VICI.
JULIUS CAESAR

i came, i saw, i conquered.

Labels: brain food

louiza is 0% near breakdown.

BUT I'M 70% TIRED THOUGH! HAHAHAH! but i dont wna sleep. i want to use my time efficiently to relax. i allocated tonight, and maybe tomorrow for relaxing. whatever the case is, latest by monday i have to start studying. by latest sunday a study plan.















































3 of us. mp3-ing. during our econs essay test. my history essaystabbed by the pencil

Labels: 0%, cher, eyecandy, loss

louiza is 30% near breakdown

should i study for history tomorrow?

i seriously got no mood....

seriously....

but i really dont know anything ANYTHING about the topic being tested. its some shit about SEA and i hate SEA history.

so i dont know anything

so i should study.

but i really have no mood.....

):

no mood to the point i dont mind giving up the throne...

just write one stupid paragraph and stone all the way.

no no i cant must study!

ughs!

someone give me an excuse not to.

Labels: 30%

louiza is 60% near breakdown

yeah i'm having a bad headache.

but i'm glad i got through the day and its impromptu obstacles.

i rushed back for philo, was late but miss quek was very understanding.

then i rushed from philo to the hall for my math test.

it was all so hurried. i hardly had time to catch my breathe, it was already time to start the paper.

glad its over.

after the test, i felt the headache engulfing my mind.
and i'm still having it, though its a lot lesser. i took panadol.

after the test, i went to TM. qashrul followed me.

(:

i'm so so sorry i took a long long time to pick out my stuff!! i'm like that!!! shopping with me is killerr. hahas.

and that wasnt even shopping.

thanks for listening to me go on and on about the different products, and makeup. though u're like a man and obviously doesnt apply to u.
hahas.

then i went home, bathed, had dinner and now i'm here.

history test tomorrow. i think i'm going to just throw it away. i dont feel like studying.

forgiven right?

(:

anywayssss, todayy a nice perk was that a guy i find quite cute actually talked to me more than usual, asking me about my starr etc.

seriously he's cuteee... the sort i like now. cute and smart.
but he's not my type i think. like attitude wise. thats the turn off.

not that he's an idiot or wad. i just dont like the personality. its not a bad one, just doesnt fit with mine i spose. too different people.

oh wells.

Labels: 60%, eyecandy

louiza is 20% near breakdown

time does not stand still.
the passing of it pressures you.
its the pressure you feel that discomforts you.
and in that threshhold of deciding,
time stands still.

things just got a whole lot messier.
philo got postponed to 2.30pm.

now its like i'm def not going for the 4pm test.
and 80% not going for the 5pm test.

relax louiza relax....
worse come to the worse, i'll just take an mc.

relax louiza relax....

now i'm waiting for the gate to open. 1pm.

i'm going to go home to watch del for awhile, then i gta rush back here at 2.30 for KI.

whether i go home staight after philo or sit for test depends on my dad's officer.

alright gate lady's here.

later.


louiza is 15% near breakdown

i'm not doing PE.
im sitting here under the shade with the cool breeze, using chanel blogging.

just didnt feel like volleyballing, still having a bit of a hangover from two nights ago.

though if i actually went PE i would trade volleyball for an hour of running along the track.
yes i'm weird that way.

but anyways, no energy or fitness to do any, so i'll be here. after blogging i'm gonna run along my math lecture notes.

blogging needs to be fast, i need the battery for philo later. i didnt bring my charger. i just need a piece of paper which i was too lazy to print out. so just brought chanel. lazy to install my printer. havent done so since chanel got back from servicing. i tried to but for some reason the CD is like dead.

ughs

i think i'm just going to buy a new printer.

anyways yeah talking about lecture,

oh shit i just told aisyah im blogging

PLEASE DONT ASK FOR MY BLOG ADD PEOPLE!!!! PLEASE!!!!! ahhg

k anyways about the lecture notes, the math test. there is a possibility i may not sit for the test.

daddy comes back from work at 6. mom has to leave for work at 5. paper starts at 4. bro and sister in school.

so i need to rush home at 3. and i'll only be able to leave when dad comes home. and the time he comes home depends on whether he is able to leave early. so hopefully the in-charge is nice. if not i guess i wont be sitting for my math test.

oh wells.

k i better go now.

ciao!

Labels: 15%

louiza is 70% near breakdown

still feeling like puking

seriously last night was ewwish and it split over to today. so it was like a hangover.

k my mind just went blank for a few secs

i cant focus on words longer than 10secs, it makes me giddy and i feel like puking.

and my hands still feel a bit numb.

so last night's sleep wasnt really what u would call a good rest.

my mind's too busted.

anyways, moving on the the real post.

(:

here's a way to debate with someone who's not willing to change his/her mindset.

switch yours.
to the individual's context.

and argue with logic from there.

so using his/her context, he or she wont be able to deny the logic, since its in his/her mindset.

yup.

but of course u must be arguing for a TRUE cause first.
no point arguing for something that's false. it wont work that way.

this procedure is mainly to convince the other party.

try it.

i did today. (:

k anyways today i went to school like an ultimate zombie.

i tried to relax, like not think. but the passing of tutorials forced me to think.

like for eg start of the day i had to present a math question on the board. then i had countless questions from the people around me as the day passed.
obviously wouldnt turn down helping others. also since tomorrow is math test day. and i love math. so yeah.
sorry isaac about not really answering your econs. takes more brain power, which i couldnt give. math is more natural u see. and i really really couldnt look at words any more.

i hope it doesnt affect my history. i have a test on friday.

i need to learn to not think so much. like even when i'm not doing work, i must learn not to think of other stuff.

i need to learn how to be totally blank.

and somehow i'm becoming more objective and outright.
i think.
and is it scary?
i dont know.
like i would rather not beat around the bush, i would rather know things now. here and now.

maybe its cos i dont have the time to beat around the bush, even though it may make things interesting.

does that make me a boring person?

i dont know,

but yeah

bear with me ohkay?

try to be straightforward with me, it'll make my life so much easier, cos i really got too much other stuff to handle.

straightfoward will simplify brain processing.

straightforward is good.

Labels: 70%, brain food

louiza is 80% near breakdown

5 hours of writing.

i'm panting.

but at least a great deal of the agenda for the day is completed.

i doubt i've ever felt this way before.

i feel like i just ran several kilometres.

u know when u're feeling like u cant take it anymore, and u wanna stop.

that shaky about-to-die feeling.

yeah i had that as i was ending my mental marathon.

omg i feel so mentally tired. i just forced a whole load of shit into my brain.

my brain really feels tired.

now i know the meaning of that.

i'm going to bathe. i need to cool off.

i dont think i've ever worked this hard before.

its like mental exhaustion actually transferred to physical.

omgg my hands are shaking.

shit.

Labels: 80%

louiza is 0% near breakdown

but i'm getting sleepy tho. (:

i finished a substantial amount of math, so i thought i'd carry on tomorrow. i may require the aid of a library book anyways.

thus i decided to research on the philosophy of truth.

sorry about the formality. i'm in a bit of a ki-mood.

anyhows, i came across a quote that i deem apropose to superficial individuals out there who are so stubbornly persistant that they dont have to account for the things they do.

“Actions are the fruit of all truth, it is by your words you may be heard, but by your actions you will be judged.” Joe Maclaine

this is very very true. and i'm so not going on about how true it is, u go figure for urself.

Labels: 0%, brain food

louiza is 0% near breakdown

okie quick one. then i'm gna bathe. then im gna distribute samplingly till the wee hours of the night.

i think cheryl is right. i'm blogging a lot. i think my laptop's becoming my emotions ventilator. its like everytime i have something on my mind, i blog it out.

of course its like only the happy nice things, or things that are not too private. when things get shitty the wrong way, thats when i dont vent here. and since i dont have anyone to vent on, it just remains inside and i feel shitty. for example 2 weeks ago.
ughs i hated that week. i mean i HATE that week. even when i think about it i hate it.

anyways where was i?

oh yeah, i came here to say that i was studying, and after 3 and a half years i decided to listen to the radio. 98.7.

and i realised things havent really changed.

songs then are still being played now.

conclusion, time passes really fast.

then i heard paramore.

then i felt sad about my band breakup.

plus visa's band has like SO MANY UPCOMING SHOWS!

ugsh.

and i'm like stagnant in the music scene.

yes. i decided to be stagnant, till As are over.

yes. and i feel happy u know why?

cos listening to the radio made me realise that

TIME MOVES FAST.

VERY VERY VERY VERY FAST.

its amazing.

seriously.

thats the good side.

i love time.

ohkie back to math.

Labels: 0%

louiza is 0% near breakdown

im eating dinner now. hahas, yes laptop is here. and im talking to my bro suddenly about reindeers.

i miss switzerland. reindeers walk the streets during xmas. with santas. the xmas spirit there is awesome.

i want to go on a hol.

maybe after the As.

Labels: 0%

louiza is 0% near breakdown.

so i just decided to take a break from all that math. to come here and announce something VERY VERY important. and i'm happy cos it this and i so so so cant wait for this.

AFTER MY TEST ON FRIDAY, I'M GOING TO WATCH ENCHANTED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN~!!!!

hahaha. yes go on say i dont have a life.

but fairytales make a huge part of my life.

so yeah.

hahas. i'm looking forward to that.

a lot!

and there are like so many effing chic-flics showing!!!!! omg i wna go watch!!!!~

made of honor!!! another dempsey love!

i dont care i'm going!

but i want to watch enchanted! i'm going to watch it over and over and over!!!

i'm gna have a damn movie marathon once this week is over. (:

yay.

u know today there was in fact a movie marathon at miss quek's house.
with my last year fellow philo mates.

6 of us. the elites of the level.
HAHA.

but i decided to skip it cos of my mugging.

hence the enchanted MARATHON!!!! WHOO!!!!!!

K i'm gna get back to my work now.

oh by the way, the importance of education is so vivid and obvious. even in NS u get better stuff.

Labels: 0%

louiza is 5% near breakdown

he doesnt deserve this.
all of this.

he doesnt deserve anything.

i have to learn to be less kind.

Labels: 5%, jujubee

louiza is 0% near breakdown







I NEED TO ENSURE THAT I DONT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED OR DEPENDENT.







that done, i wont have to worry about anything.







i cant afford distractions.







anyways, today i went to church with vicente.





k i love auto-save i just accidently shut the window and my post is still heree!!!!





anyways ya. church with vicente. ahaha. AND TODAY WAS FEAST DAY!!


so fun looking carnival everywhere! shops everywhere!~ shops that i so love to see see. all the small interesting things.





damn u know who i love looking through those stuff with? hahas. (:


then in the end we'll just end up going to tm and buying some expensive stuff.





i cant blog long so i'll make it fast. delilah's waiting.





i was in church and i saw a cute guy. actually two cute guys, but i only managed to snap a pic of one. the other walked away before i could snap.





its THE SORT I USED TO LIKE!!! The emo skinny people!!! with the cute fringes!





i'll put a pic up. (:





oh and one more thing. i decided that since next week is like so test fied, i got hist and math, i'm going to postpone exercising the the june hols.


not really hols since i need to go back to college and stuff, but it'll be less test fied. also i think i'll need to balance work with exercise since i plan to finish studying for As by july and i have no more band.





and i plan to go out too.


whee! vivian and cheryl!! _-- and whoever!


(:





k baby alert. delilah's crawling all over me. AHHHHHHHHHH.


GET AWAY FROM MY LAPTOP THE LAST TIME I LET U PLAY I HAD TO TRAVEL ALL THE WAY TO JURONG!!!! DUMB BABY





k picture picture wait.....

okie! mummy time. (:

oh btw, lotsa ppl read my blog so if its U in the pic, im sorry for stealing a pic of u. but its in a gd way! (:

Labels: 0%, eyecandy

louiza is 0% near breakdown

i just talked with the twin from far away.

long.

and we had our feelings sorted out.

and i'm glad i'm more organised these days. it helps me prioritise.

i really want whats best for you to move on. i'll never let my trivial needs stand in the way of that.

well now that i've spent so long on the phone, i think i'm going to do loads of math to make up for the time.

but it was really nice talking to the one who knew how to take care of louiza BEST.

thats the standard, reminding me what i'm worth.
that makes me happy
that makes me smile.

thank you.

Labels: 0%, jujubee

louiza is 30% near breakdown

ohkay he said sorry. hmmph!

Labels: 30%, blood ties

louiza is 40% near breakdown

i hate you. i hate you when u're like that. i dont have your support AT ALL. and the best part is you dont know how important that is to me. move on already! i really wished you understood. i really wished u had a taste of what i have to go through.
oh wait no i take that back. i dont want you to go through wad i went through. i dont want anyone to. cos its damn damn damn hard. i'm not so evil.
but still can u like try to understand and like not be such a bitch.
i'm going through so much right now i dont have time to endure bitchfits from anyone. unfortunately i cant ignore ur BF cos u're like significant to me.

UGHS! i wish it didnt matter what you think.

Labels: 40%, blood ties

louiza is 0% near breakdown.

back from college day, now i'm using iSqueeze again.

college day wasnt as bad as i thought it would be.

at first it sucked cos the weather was really hot and mr ali told us like to go there at 1 when it actually started at 1.30. then the library wasnt open when i wanted to borrow books.

ugshx.

but then it got better from there.

saw the alumni.
so many were lawyers and sucessful people.

really really inspiring.

then saw the awards being presented etc.

i saw glenn. (:

but on the serious side, seeing all those awards really inspired me to work really really hard for my As. and then maybe just maybe, i'll even get one next year!

but most importantly i just want to secure a future for delilah. thats most important.

then i saw the choir, they're really good. listening to them brought back memories when i was in kcp's choir. now i feel like going to see them at the esplanade on monday.

i miss going to performances.
both gigs and high-ended arts performances.

i miss gigs for the adrenaline and hyperness it gives u.
jumping around laughing dancing like a maniac.

i'll miss u guys. (band)

i miss dressing up for shows. wearing a nice dress to go see some musical.

those were the far away days.

i saw loads of people who graduated last year today.

time moves really fast.

then i saw the dance club perform.
haha i remember first year i was in modern dance. but i quit halfway cos i joined council.
omg i loved their damn outfits!!! so morbid!! they did this freaky dark toyshop dance.
I WANT THE SKIRT!

k anyways, really inspired to do work so i think i shall start now with math. (:

im like in this going out mood, but i cant decide.
confused yet again.

As here i come.

Labels: 0%, inspiration

louiza is 5% near breakdown

i just spent an hour and a half researching on philosophy. i dont think its enough!! what i've achieved for one an a half hours!!

but i'll cut myself some slack i guess on the account that philosophy is hard to digest.

then how come i dont feel like i've learnt anything?!??

maybe its because philosophy is the realisation of hidden truths.

yes ohkay i'll try not to kill myself based on that.

thank God its the weekend.

anyway i'm going to get ready.

gotta go to college for College Day.

waste. of. my. effing. time.

i'm bringing in a book or so to read. i dont care.

Labels: 5%

ohkay, a few new words for the world to learn!

or rather for louiza to learn. (:

1. ergo
means therefore. so use it in essays instead of therefore therefore hence hence -_-

2. apropos
appropriate. even better than appropriate. (:

USE OHKAY!

k i'm gna get back to my philo. ;p

oh one more piece of info. i think science ppl will know so its more like just for me.

taxanomy.

classification.

and i FORGOT wad qashrul told me before!! about more does not mean better. =\

its the something conspiracy.

or fallacy.

or something!

learn learn learn!

(:

Labels: brain food

louiza is 15% near breakdown.

i just had a chat with the twin.

i appreciate it a lot.

now im going to do philo.

yummy.

when i'm with you i'll make every second count cos i miss you, whenever you're not around.

Labels: 15%

louiza is 10% near breakdown.

i had a long day. no break from 9.30am right up till 4.30pm.
i finally did that stupid econs test. though it was done halfheartedly and effortlessly. it was the very last thing of the day and i was really too exhausted to bother much.

so i just got home not too long ago.
just finished to bathe
but not before stoning at my window for a few minutes.

strange me.

i feel exhausted but somehow in me i feel its not my limit yet.
like my limit is far far away.

thats a good feeling.

but right now i'm lost.

i dont know what to do.

so many options but i just cant decide. and its the undecisiveness that's killing me right now.

go out or stay in.

if go out, i cant make up my mind on the plan.

and i irritatingly know that i should be doing work. and that i shouldnt just leave delilah at home alone with dad after he had worked like night shift. i know he's tired.

but i'm tired too.
i think.

like i said i'm not so sure. its like, i should be tired right? after my long day and everything. but somehow its like its not a clear tiredness. i dont detect the heavyness i think being tired brings.

i think i just cant stop working. until something has officially been achieved.

like As.

till then i wont be able to genuinely relax.

yeah i'm a perfectionist like that.

i used to not be a perfectionist about work.
my relationship was for that.

but now my work is what matters so i guess i'm trying to be as efficient as possible.

i'm scaring myself.

seriously i feel confused.

i want to go out but i dont want to waste time.

but i know i need to relax.

and i cant decide on the people to go out with.

its SO stressful.

seriously if this keeps up i think school work is less stress and more systematic than social life.

maybe i'll just devout all the energy to work.

till i'm really tired, then i'll go out.

now that i have the energy i better use it before its gone.

yeah i think that'll be the plan for today.

i feel like i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve.

Labels: 10%

louiza is 20% tired, 80% sianed.

so i'm going to sleep soon. i'll study for the damned test tmr.

i really dont wanna do it. i think i'll just leisurely do it.

ughss.

my complexion is dying. i havent been keeping to my regular regime. for months.

stress makes it worse. and the fact that i dont eat fruits or veg doesnt help.


today i'm 30% exhausted.

bonjela works.
i've been so lazy to apply it i've been suffering for a week. and also increasing the pain by eating countless amounts of chocolate. it got so so painful i couldnt take it anymore, i walked to the drawer and took the bonjela out.

its kinda the same for eating.
i'm lazy to eat. i only eat when gastric comes. thats why i need u john.

my econs test, the one i didnt sit for is tomorrow.
i couldnt get out of it. shit. i told my teacher i dont mind getting 0. she seems really keen to make me sit for it. irritant.

elfie's bday's tomorrow.
i have yet to get anything, i havent been anywhere but college for ages. so he'll have to wait.

today i ran for ages.
i didnt want to play volleyball. i willingly told my teacher i'll run for the full 2 periods.

delilah's 30% cranky today.
and she climbed on top of me and then on top of the bed. she likes to climb.

i feel bored with life.
hence i did the math quiz in white ink. my teacher didnt like it but anyways i got all correct so i think white ink helps.

my hp's awfully quiet.
i'm getting used to the peace.

i'm beginning to lose my boy-craziness.
its hard for me to fall for someone who isnt perfect. after all i've been through, i'm not going to settle for anything but perfect.

i love alex starr.
its just me and alex starr.


oh shit! i forgot to add another thing.

bryan looks hot!

haha he just had his prom i think.

oh wells.

damn tonight is so boyfied.


hahahah! ohkay i know i was just here blogging a few mins ago. and i also noe its like effing past 1am already. but i'm SO IN THE BLOGGING MOOD RIGHT NOW. lol. dont try stop me.
i remember how he'll forbid me to blog too late at night cos must sleep. hahas...

OHKAY! as u can see i'm so martinfied right now but thats not the reason why i came back.

i wanted to say that, today i brought chanel to college. and and then this person like started explaining to me what the labels on my com meant....

I HAD NO IDEA WAD THE HELL HE WAS SAYING BUT IT SOUNDED NICE.

HAHAHAHH!!!!

see!!!! thats the revolution of louiza's guy liking.

i also cant ask that person for help in math. cos i wont absorb any of the explanation.

neither can study with the person. cos i'll be watching the person study.

suddenly its like this smart intelligent thing going on for me.

i had a bit of it for kartik.

but this is more seth coheny.

HAHAHAH.

martin!!! i so wna show u!!

sighssss........ i really really miss the stuff we did together.

seriously. and now i'm missing how you entertained my guy fetishes.

u know, he even brings me to walk at peninsular on saturday nights?

its called "scene kid" night.

cos thats when all the posers come out to play. and jam.

hahahas.. from punks to skins to goths.

and he knows i like to see.

so we'll walk cityhall area together.

ya. i cannot go alone cos dangerous.

so i'll be led here and there.... oh gosh i miss the small girl days!

when he'll like explain to me here got drug dealers blahblah so must be careful... stick close.

then i'll SEE the people!!!!

hahahah!!!! so funns!

then sometimes he'll know them so when they say hi i get a closer look.

(:

i was really happy man.

oh today atikah and a few others told me they're going backpacking around SEA after As.

backpacking sounds FUN!!!

though i dont want to carry any stuff. i want to just walk. HAHAHAH

and can it like be in the states?

lol.

i cant wait for As TO BE OVER~!


i am exhausted. i can actually feel my hands and feet trembling slightly.

i also discovered today that coffee takes effect a few hours after consumption. so i guess i gotta start doing predictions of tiredness, in order not to feel tired.

ironic not?

anyways exhaustion aside, i'm trying to stay as happy as possible to keep my sanity.

oh by the way, the presentation today went more than perfect, if you're wondering. (:

i'm drinking iced water now. just finished dinner.

oh something strange happened today. i scored 10 upon 25 for some history essay i did a few weeks back.

strange..

i'm not disappointed, just amused. its so funny. to see a 10.

oh wells wadevers. (:

oh ali's a really nice form teacher.

not too pushy, as long as things get done.

that's awesome. no pettyness. very man.

for example today he wanted our history files. some people were asking for the arrangement etc. so things got like complicated and confusing. at the end he was like. ok wadever as long as u have this and this and this inside i dont care how u do it.

hahas. and that day the incident at the flagraising with elfie and i. omg ali's reaction was classic.

we love him for that!

(:

oh tomorrow i might be going woodlands. innova jc. for history. might cos remember i didnt do that stupid econs test on sat? well the stupid thing's rescheduled tomorrow afternoon. seriously i would rather go ijc than take some stupid test that wouldnt give me any intelligence. the ijc thing is a lecture by ASEAN ambassadors so yeah. i want to go for that.

and i miss john. though you're being such a bitch. i miss you. so fucking start acting like how you were! i dont care what stupid thing you're dealing with thats so darn important just effing show some sign of life.

UGHS!

then again i dont bother.

i am so damn confusing.

oh today i told elfie my shift in guy taste. like official.

i find the hot nerd attractive.

the seth cohen kind? hahas. i've always liked this sort but now its at optimum. i totally lose stability when confronted with one.

oh wells.

oh but then i was in 12 going home today and i saw this st.pats guy. THE SORT I LIKE! hair uniform everything!

obviously not the hot nerd.

the louiza kind. as in before the fetish for hot nerds recently. like what i've always found cute.

YAAA!!!! he was with some girl. that looked so darn mistreated by him. ughs! stupid man. or maybe i'm just too high-maintainance.

but seriously why cant guys looking like that be total sweethearts? like the way i want it?

then i realised oh shit i'm suppose to be liking the hot geeky kind now.

but then i realised that hot geeky kinds are not satisfactory either in terms of treatment.

so then i started to wonder while walking, can i like model my perfect guy?

hahas so then i figured out that louiza is waiting for someone who will give her everything.

pampered not? lol.

but seriously. i want love to be like that. the guy cant have the mindset i'm trying to control his life. rather, he should love me enough to let me. and trust that i wont take advantage of it and always do what's best for everyone.

YEAH! louiza's like that. the whole profession of love must come first, then i'll really take care of u.

that's why that woman's love song is like so apt to my feelings.

i heard it and i was like

WOW!
haha.

does this mean i'm like not the only one who feels this way out there?

but seriously its really rare aye. to find someone who demands a lot first before giving anything.

BLAME DADDY!

hahahah.

ohkay omg i realised i went on and on and on! i need to do work! hahas. and i realise my post has been EVERYWHERE! like random bits of info with no link here and there.

hahah! sorryy!

oh one last thing, i realise that some people only look hot in uniform.

maybe its just my desire to dress boys up the way i know will look hot on them. and that the way they dress up now doesnt emphasise and bring out their hotness.

BUT SERIOUSLY ITS TRUE!!!

though i admit its coming from a subjective point of view.

but still!!!!! *whineeeee*

i think i'm studied enough in high-ended fashion to make these judgments. styles of D&G and GUCCI for guys are just hawt.

oh i miss martin.

as in not martin martin. but the martin thing about him where he could detect the sort of guys i like.

classic.

i miss that!

everytime we were out, then i'd start smiling or giggling. then he'd start looking around WHERE WHERE! WHICH ONE!! SHOW ME!!! I KILL THE FELLA!!!!

hahahahahh!!! then even though i dont say anything he'll spot the person. and go eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! emo gay shit!

but then he wouldnt realise that he was dressed like one too. cos yours truly dressed him up. and shopped his clothes.

HAHAHAHAH!! he's so cute that way.

or sometimes if he's feeling generous, he'll go eh louiza! that one see that one! you like right! CONFIRM THAT ONE YOU LIKE!

HAHAHAHAHH!!! tell me which guy is so nice enough to point out to his gf a potential eyecandy?

And he's 100% right.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHOM I KNOW CAN DO THAT!!

k i notice i put gf. actually it was fiance.

now ex-fiance'.

=\

anyways yup. it was always louiza and her eyecandies.

hahahah. being my bf, u must put up with that.

seriously its nothing really. no emotions attached. i just get all giggly when i see a cute guy. ITS A GIRL THING!

i can keep it inside, but martin was really nice. he was my bestest bestest friend so like he'll tolerate my giggles and make me laugh even more by wanting to go whack the guy or something.

hahah! for making louiza look at him.

HAHAHAHAH!

and also he wanted to know who i liked and stuff la.

we had no secrets. on my part at least.

OMG WHY THE HELL AM I BLOGGING ABOUT THAT IDIOT!??!

oh wait before i end of, i also let him look at girls.

HAHAHAHA! see i'm not selfish ohkay!

but must be with my permission.

like i must direct one.

most of the time the situation would be like. i'll see some horrific looking girl then i'll go. eeeee! babes babes look!

then he'll go eeeeeeee!!!!!!!

then we'll both scratch and pinch each other grimacing. then we'll say LAST ONE TO SEE!!! (inside joke)

hahahahahahhH!!!!!

yeah he's the only one who tolerates my scratching WITHOUT COMPLAINING!

yeah used to be a sweetheart.

aye! sometimes i let him look at hot girls kay!!

remember i like to stare at hot people guys and girls alike?

well on the rare occasion that i see a girl that i find hot, i'll go aye babes... she's hot right? i like her outfit... etc.... i like her shoes... etc..... she's quite chio.... etc.....

see! i let him look too. at hotstuffs!

then after that he'll go yeah i like her clothes, the sort you like also. i buy for you later k?

SEEE!!! SO SWEET!!!!!!!!!!

another thing from the guys i like, he also knows the clothes i like.

we can be shopping then he'll pick out my stuff! and 80% of the time, i really do like it.

oh then if my comment was that the girl was chio, he'll go aiyah babes... ure hotter lah! see her face! eee!!

hahahahaha! he really did know the right things to say. whether true or not is another matter altogether. but yeah. really knew how to make me smile.

then i'll actually say half-smiling no!!! she's hot!!!!!........ must say yes!!!!!!!!!

then he'll go no my mummy's hotter.

aww.

yeah he was really a bitch in the end. but one thing i knew he never lied of was his dedication to me. never ever once did he stray. even though sometimes i feel threatened by hot girls around, he never ever looked twice at them.

and there was no porn.

yes im sure.

he had no hp cos we were always together anyways. and his com was used to play stupid online games. -_-

but that was wad made him my cuteness.

i guess even though its ended, i cant deny he knew how to treat me right the best.

the best.

n he made me breakfast everyday!!!! ):

hahas until i was sick of it.

ughs stupid bread!

so i forced him to stop making cos if not i would have just died!

HAHAHAH.

then sometimes stuck in college i'll want instant mee.

he'll cook and bring down!!!!

hahasss..... and its always comforting to see my ahbeng standing outside waiting for me after sch.

even though i'm in no mood to talk, post KI syndrome

he'll patiently wait for my mind to clear.

omg this post is so martinfied.

i'll stop now.

ughsx.

oh for the record, yeah i liked this. i loved this. i loved him.

but this him is dead. never returning. and even now, no matter how much he tries to come close to be this him again, its not the same.

so i'm waiting.

for this perfection. and better.

from someone out there.









God's being kind to me even though i admit i'm neglecting him recently.

im thankful.

i'm waiting for chocolate to defrost.

yup fresh from the freezer.

just had lunch, now going for a bit of choc.

got home from college before that.

spent a long time doing math.

tho i wasted 2 damn hours trying to figure out at econs essay question. so pissed. my teacher last minute tells me she wants a presentation on it from me by tomorrow cos the VP's coming in.

nvm if i do this there's a bit of chance she'll cut slack on me in class.

and its good for practice too i spose.

but the question is damn damn hard!!! ughsx

anyways, today is much better.

much better than last week. LAST WEEK SUCKED SHIT.

remember?

yeah i got a feeling this week will be better.

i saw the counsellor again today. she freaked when i told her my daily schedule. she's scared i'm going to break down soon.

i think i did last week.

but i think i have no choice but to pick myself up and just press on.

by the way, my plan is to finish studying for the As by the end of the june holidays.

feasible not?

brb choc check.

ok first piece in my mouth. mmmmmmmmmmmm...........

hahss....

ohkay 2nd....

haha IM A FAST EATER!

when it comes to choc that is.

by the way my pieces are huge!

3rd!

k um yeah wad was i saying.

yeah the impossible.

my counsellor thinks im going to break down, she's probably right. i can feel the strain.

but im just going to push.

prioritise. i need to do that.

this is delilah's future. not mine.

mine can fuck up for all i care.

its been fucking up anyways. until this year.

has to has to has to change.

so slacking has GOT to stop.
and wasting time unproductively. especially on things that are not worth it.
and the band sort of disbanded yesterday.
so i have more time to focus on work.

and i need discipline.
God give me discipline.

oh and im getting used to this whole friends thing.
not pro at it, but better.


my first mother's day.

delilah didnt do anything

/=

maybe next year will be better.

HAHHAHA who am i kidding?

(:


alright! i have a feeling things are going to get better from this moment on.

the most major of my probs has been just solved. yay!

my com!!!

whoo thanks yum!! so so so so much.

ohkay im going to dinner with vicente now, and later, i'm going to make things work. (:

yayness.

note: today was a dark gloomy day. skies were largely grey and it was nice to ride in.


feeling very full. dad cooked a lot.

i feel much better too.

i went to elias mall with vicente.

brought him there to look at bikes.

thats where i bought my faithful bmx.

yup.

i used diamondback again, he used the scooter.

the exercise made me feel better i think.


let me take this awkward saw
run it against ur thighs
cut some flesh away i'll bury this piece of you with me
so all i can say today is i hate you
will that be alright
we can see each other
some time

if i can somehow make you mine

and if not i'll take my spoons
dig out your blue eyes
swallow them down to my colon
they're gonna burn like hell tonight
cos you're beautiful just not on the inside
yeah

ohkay i dont know why the hell i wrote that for.

i've been stoning for the past one hour, wondering where the hell i'm heading to.

wondering what i should do.

feeling lost as hell.

should i go jamming
should i go for the gig
should i go to yum's house to get the office
should i just go fucking buy the office
should i study now
should i eat
should i sleep
should i watch tv

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!


i didnt go for my econs test.

i woke up late.


i know you're doing all you can in the way you know how to. i know its wrong of me to ask you to do something you're not good at. yeah you can teach an old dog new tricks. you can only appreciate what they know how to do. and i appreciate it a lot. i guess i didnt want solutions. i wanted a listening ear cos right now u're the man i trust most. and when i'm sad, company is better than solutions. but i know you'll always be my daddy that wants to fix things. so i understand that.

i hate guys who attribute my bad moods to period. seriously dont do that. honestly i hardly suffer from PMS. so most of the time when i'm upset i do have proper justification that doesnt have anything to do with hormones. and i'd appreciate it if you thought so too, instead of just telling me its period. i admit, period has a big part to play. but for me, my pms often just makes me feel worse about a problem. but there has to be a problem to begin with. take it this way, the problem is the wound, pms is just the salt. so dont ever say its period cos i'll hate you for life. seriously. louiza likes to have her problems taken seriously. only i get to say if its period. thanks qash for taking me seriously that day when i was feeling like shit.

yup i'm really really feeling like shit. things are not looking better. there are many people who are willing to hear me out if i need a listening ear. i really appreciate that. but i guess my probs are really like big, i can only tell them to a person. a person that i tell everything to, a person that knows how to make me feel better, and a person who can make me feel comfortable enough first, a person who reads my mind, and that person was martin.

sighs. and now i'm alone. with no one who fits that criteria to just shed all my problems on. yes i know, i can call him and talk to him. i know he will want to help me.

but things have changed. and even he isnt that criteria anymore.

when times get really bad like this, i just wish i still had the old martin.

thanks dad for helping me in your own way.

thanks vicente for buying me chocolate.

this week totally sucks.


my day's not working out, neither has the week been working out.



really really really fucked up week.



just when things started to look up, they are so shortlived it makes me go crazy.



then the things i hope for also doesnt work out.



its really really fucked up.



it doesnt help that i got an econs test on saturday.



doesnt help at all.



i've seriously been in a bad mood all week, and everyone can tell.



i am so frustrated.



and it doesnt help that all the shitty things in life are coinciding with PMS.



get better already!

oh guess what, i just tried to publish the post but blogger says theres an error.

so much for getting better.

TAKE 2.


hey, i'm in the college canteen right now.

yup i brought chanel to college with me today.

(:

just had PE and i'm going to have econs tutorial in a while. like 10mins to be exact. so i gotta change soon.

PE was tiring but refreshing. had 2.4 today. didnt do well. i have to start training again. ughs. i feel so slackk.

nevertheless, i think a run was what i needed to like restart my mental engine to do work more efficiently. yup i think there's actually a correlation between the two.

today's much better. yesterday SUCKED SHIT. today i'm feeling better. not exactly estatic, but fine.

kay gtg. later!


12am. econs work. yum's birthday.

DEEDEE'S BACK.

im stunned.

im stunned.

omg.

he like just popped up.

ahhh!


i'm having a very bad headache.

instead of staying in college to study till 4 as planned, i came home cos the pain had started to become unbearable and i would have just died if i was to concentrate for another 2 hours.

so im back now, i'll be resting for awhile. then its delilah till sundown.

then work till the wee hours.

vicious cycle huh.

vivian calls it systematic.

i call it torture.

im really missing yesterday's movie. even though my outing was oh so short.

he lets me do anything i want. (:

watch anything, go anywhere, do anything to him.eat anything, well except ice cream. cos i have to eat proper meal first before i get it. (:

BUT THEN HE'LL FORCE ME TO EAT SO SO SO MUCH TILL THERE'S NO MORE ROOM LEFT FOR ICE CREAM.

):

cheater of my feelings.

yup he's my mr anything and im his laziness.

im not in love,

but i cant deny that i've not felt this way for a very long time.

and its nice.

ohhkay. looks like i deviated.

rarr!

k wad was i saying.

oh yeah.

i brought the topic of the movie up cos i was saying i was stress right, yeah i cant wait for the next time i can go out and relax.

its like rewarding.

(:

like after a week of non-stop mummying and work, i get to have fun.

(:

u know i was in class today and i decided.

after As, if i feel like i've worked like DAMN DAMN DAMN hard, im going to celebrate louiza bad girl day.

hahahahah! sounds perverse.

but i decided that i will!! (:

im going to take a day to be BAD!

not this good self.

i want to do BAD things!

oohhhH!! sexay! AHHAHAHA.

so catch me on louiza bad girl day.

haha.

but thats only if i feel that i've worked really really hard for As.

no point celebrating and letting loose if i feel like i did shitty for my As.

the aim is to get STRAIGHT As!!!

k k maybe philo thats impossible....

kkk change change.

the aim is to get STRAIGHT As AND A C!

hahahahahahahaha hows that sound?

a bit shitty man. since philo's like very relevant to law.

-_-

yeah well anyway, talking about louiza bad girl day, for months i've been wanting to hold louiza's appreciation day.

what is it?

well its a day where i write special notes to everyone i love and give it to them.

(:

and maybe roses and sweets!

to show appreciation.

what was the inspiration behind it?

well i've gone through a lot end last year and adjusting to new beginnings this years would have been hard if not for the people around it who made it smoother than expected.

i seriously had a disaster in mind.

so i'm really grateful for these people, and a few months back when my life was at its highest, in family, delilah, in college, results and friends, i felt like a total winner.

and of course, didnt forget these people.

so i have yet to really have time to celebrate louiza's appreciation day.

but its not forgotten. no worries. (:

so 2 days.

bad day and appreciation day.

ouh elfie says he'll bring me seisha one day.

im so curious!!!

i want to see! he always goes with his mat friends!

like so much smoke!!! ewwww!!! hahahs!

well we'll see how things go.

for like an hour and a half today i had math with mr koh again.

and we did REALLY REALLY HARD QUESTIONS!!!

from the ancient book he got me that has questions from UK universities.

whoo!!!! feel so pro.

but really really hard!!!

it was quite funny. two of us sitting on the bench stoning at how to do the question.

YES! it was even challenging for Him! the greatest math person i know!

but it was fun!

AND DEEDEE COMES BACK TOMORROW!!!!

la la la! how fast time flies.

i was talking to bak chun and OMG JUNE IS LIKE NEXT MONTH!

As is like so roud the corner!!!!

ARHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

PANIC!

but i cant wait eithers.

bring it.

*devilish smile*






del's taking a late afternoon snooze, so im sitting here on my parents' bed using the com for a bit and she's here next to me.

im like trying not to make any noise.

heex.

im feeling kinda tired and sorta having a headache. i think its the lack of sleep. =/

i just took panadol.

please work fast!!!!

anyways, i had a nice early part of the day. (:

went for mass with vicente.

i borrowed his shoes today!!! I CAN WEAR THEM!

my bro's really growing up man.

so then after mass we bused down to white sands, where we walked around for a bit, checking the stuff i wanted to buy.

oh i want a brown pen. for school. (:

then he bought his kfc to bring home, and left me waiting for ahmad to come.

he was supposed to meet me at 11 to take his stuff back but ended up coming at 12.

-_-

so pissed. as a result, my next apptmt with j-ent had to be like late.

ughs!

but then that was fun.

I FINALLY WENT TO WATCH A MOVIE AT THE NEW DOWNTOWN EAST PLACE. YAY!

i didnt really have the whole day so we couldnt watch over her dead body like i wanted. in the end we just decided to reluctantly catch IRONMAN since the whole world's been talking about it and like saying how fantastic it is.

they

are

so

right.

it was awesome.

everyone knows how louiza is just so not a sci-fict or superhero sorta fan. but the storyline, and the plot and the effects and the power was just

awesome.

seriously.

GO WATCH IT.

thank gosh we didnt catch The Forbidden Kingdom. that was like our second choice. cos according to him his ancestors are from china so we should watch.

-_-

wad a lame reason. and not say like damn direct ancestors right.

probably like GENERATIONS AND GENERATIONS.

-_-

i bet the movie would have sucked.

oh the cinema is awesome. sounds are great and if im not imagining things, i think the seat actually moved!

like vibrated a bit.

goshh coolness.

i want to go there more often.

oh wells after that, i had to go home soon, so we decided to walk home.

(:

yup it had been hot for like SO MANY DAYS. but somehow when the movie was over it kinda started to cool down.

so it was nice to walk in.

yayy.

then i was saying how it has been damn long since i walked from downtown to home..... like cutting through the blocks.... and also how it usually happens only at night like when there are no more buses anymore. and how just walking home would take like a few hours cos we were too damn sianed to walk properly.

hahas.

how have i changed.

it was a nice walk.

so yup, thanks for coming all the way down to pasir ris to like make me happy. i had a great time.

oh wells so yeah thats my day i spose.

i should be doing work now, but i dont really feel like it. cos of like my headache.

so never mind i think i'll just blog for a bit moree.

oh by the way, i was at popular today and i saw a book called why procrastinate?

omg im so gonna get it! apparently it motivates u not to procrastinate.

I SO NEED THAT.

but then again i doubt i'll actually have the time to read things that are not college-related.

busy busy muah.


silence.

that's what my day has been so far

well until john just called to chat for awhile.

but since i awoke at 8.30am, i've been savouring every second of quiet.

its therapeutic. especially after so much commotion.

anyway.

i've been reading economics since like 10.

i'm beat.

and tonight, work starts again.

for now i'll just relax.

and i cant seem to write nice sad songs.

they somewhat still have a happy tune though the lyrics are sad.

and when i try sad tunes, they just really sound like echoes of boredom. ughs.

i think its blink's fault.





k i just ate.

very very full.

but not as full as yesterday's lunch.

vicente and i went to buy food.

with my bmx and skatescooter.

(:

so so funs.

we travelled to central, but our fav food shop didnt open yet. it was going to in half an hour so we decided to wait.

in the mean time, we travelled to pasir ris park, the pond there, and ate ice cream and ice lemon tea!!!

yay!!

so so fun!

but the weather was really hot though.

but remember i like the sun these days?

haha so it was ohkay.

finally we got back home, then i jumped straight into the shower.

we bought alot of stuff, i think my bro's gnna be a gd bf cos he carried everything! hahas.

yup whenever i used the bike, i didnt have to hang anything. same for whenever i used the scooter.

ouhhh someone can bunny hop on the scooter.

u can stop me from doing extreme sports, but you cant stop me from the extreme. ;p

iheartvans


i feel like im stuck in a chinese soap opera. one of the channel 8 series.

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