jellybeanies
icon, resources, host, host.

mark hoppus calls it year spaceship. =/ i'm just gonna call it the adventure.

anywayss, here's to 2010. i've always detested new years. seriously. whats so fun about going to school the next day? of living through the crappy long opening months of jan, feb, march, april, may? of christmas ending? my favourite months were always october, november, december. and they always will be.

plus this year, holidays were pretty short for me. december was too short. after all school ended on the 11th... so thats like half a month gone already. ugh. then christmas came so fast, it was all really a blur.

nevertheless, i have to say that hands down last night was like the BEST new years in my entire life. seriously. and credits would have to go to rudy of course. first thing we did at 0000 was walk off from a bar with our glasses. his from vodka, and mine from wine. and those glasses stayed with us all the way till clarke quay. hahah. from city hall. hilarious.

2009 was party year. had so much fun, especially since after As. lived it. party, drinks, friends, out out out! family, girls, guys, school. it was awesome. i love 2009 really.

i'm gonna call 2010 the adventure. cos who knows where i'll end up and the end of next year? great! (:

2008 was the year of self-discovery. i worked towards the As, and just really spent the year taking care of myself since this was the period i stayed single for longest. i made real friendships, and had many nice people around me, helping me along the way. i learnt a lot about myself.

2009, party year.

and 2010, is gonna be the adventure. i cant wait.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, boys, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, jammers, Knights Ridge, Newport, No Reservations, silver, this chapter is called..., WestBev

as of now, i’m going to usa 9:1.

okay back to my nighter.

Labels: blood ties, Newport

it was yet another prenatal appointment. 7 days to due date. i was having real cramps all night before, but i guessed that was normal at the stage i was.

whilst waiting for our turn, we made plans to eat at pasta mania. our favourite pizza, and you promised to get me the italian soda i loved so much. whilst waiting, i leaned on you and scratched you continuously as the pain kept coming. but we took it once again as “normal”. you assured me that we would get some prescription to make it go away.

our turn came, and it turns out that i wasn’t having the normal cramps. they were contractions. i was in labour. half an hour later, we’re in the labour ward. ahead of us, was six hours which eventually changed our lives. or at least, it changed mine.

 

 

occasionally, i think of the day that delilah was born. but on her birthday, that thought is evident. and today, i thought of that lunch. the pasta mania lunch that never was.

Labels: blood ties, fallacy, Happy Birthday, jujubee, louiza speaks, this chapter is called..., wordsmagicallyspun

i don't like this!!! i haven't blogged in ages! cos i've been like too tired and exhausted late at night to do so. ):

but all i know, is that i've been spending lots of time with family and kuga.

and i've been reading up on my logic as well. prepping my brain for school. which starts really soon!

oh the eighth was a very nice day for me.

30th was nice. and funny. kuga and his mojito.

i know all this doesn't make sense, but seriously so much as happened since i last blogged and i don't know how to record it ALL down. hopefully i can remember just by looking at this post. and the dates. and the word "nice".

haha.

yes i promise to blog more regularly... but really, it'll eventually have to decrease as well. cos school's gonna start. more things to juggle.

alright, for what it's worth, thanks for reading anyway.

xoxo.

Labels: blood ties, eyecandy, jammers, kuga starr

1450

times like this, i find myself feeling like a wreck. where nothing can be salvaged.

but i know that's not true. things can and will get better. eventually, with a bit of time. most of the time sooner than we expect.

but why do i feel so pessimistic? probably cos of the uncertainty. of how long it'll take to cross over. to the side of recovery.

then i ask, why am i here in the first place. at this point. this situation.

then i feel angry. and lousy at myself. for allowing so.

am i really weak?

a bad person, incapable of discipline?

i wouldn't like to think so.

after all, look at how far i've come. since the last break down.

i'm sure it took lots of discipline and virtue.

but then again, if i could just slip like how i have done,

does that show weakness?

 

so i'd like to think of it this way.

i'm only human. and i will slip along the way.

and if the past years have taught me one thing, it is that things can't be undone.

so i'll have to learn, and pick myself up. and change. so it won't happen again.

no point dwelling on something that can't be undone

so now, that's what i'll do.

change.

7 minutes i gave myself to feel depressed and down.

and lousy.

after which, i will now pick up. and start. another chapter. with a stronger mindset.

1457

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, muse, Newport, teenagers, this chapter is called...

just woke up like an hour plus ago. which means after noon.

still feeling a bit too blurrish to blog properly, but i'm going to anyways, so try to bear with me.

yesterday was nice.

i worked at 9, and for once in a rather long time, i had a night's rest that one can actually call proper.

yeah recently, i've been only getting a couple of hours sleep (or less than that) before having to rush to work in the morning. and of course, throughout work, i'll be dying.

so yesterday was a nice change/improvement. but mind you, it wasn't of my own will. kuga made me. he refused to come see me at night after his work. despite my begging. so despite my mental resistance, my body gave in to its own exhaustion and fell asleep pretty early. at like 12am.

why own exhaustion? cos the night before, i only had an hour's sleep. and i went to work like that. with an hour's sleep.

 

either ways, kuga was really nice. we made a deal. because he wasn't to come see me, he would talk to me for hours on the phone instead. and that's exactly what took place. till like nearly 4am.

but why i say i slept at like 12am? cos my body like already shut down even though i was still on the call. which means he was doing the talking whilst i was just talking nonsense and forbidding him to put down the phone.

so that was actually very nice. like falling asleep to his voice. and sleeping to his voice. haha. since i was already gone.

 

anyway, back to the day i had, work was nice. i went a tad late though. at like 9.15am.

faizal and i ate blackforest for breakfast.

and the team today consisted of him, ruddy, charleston and me. harry joined later.

and faizal and charleston tricked me into thinking that it was charleston's last day here and he was going back to sarawak forever the next day. ):

whatever.

anyway work wasn't so bad. more stuff to do today. so that's good...

and it rained so much! haha. i think that was nice.

during work, i had like this craving for fast food. so once my time was over, i raced to the stands, bought the paper and then went to macs.

but

they

were

out

of

fries

and wanted to replace it with stupid apple pie

like i eat apples.

or hot pies.

so then, i raced to burger king, bought myself a super upsized meal, and spoilt my health.

and i literally enjoyed the next hour after that.

sitting at the alfresco, the sun wasn't hot at all, being after the rain... so the colours of the world were reemerging. everything was fresh, and the wind was light and the air cool.

and alfresco wasn't crowded like inside, so i had a very relaxed alone time leisurely reading the papers (haven't done that in a while) and satisfying my craving.

oh what's better was the phone calls from the people i love.

whilst sitting there... had a video call with delilah, then a phone call with kuga. who still makes me very very happy. and whom people still think he's changed a lot to accommodate me. being more softer, nicer. (: (:

after that, i went home...

watched tv and ate snacks with delilah. played with her the rest of the day, (a nice rainy day)

then joana,vicente and i started talking nonsense about some keropok lady person. super funny...

then we hung out in the parents' room eating smarties from the pooh dispenser. which is delilah's by the way.

 

delilah slept pretty early cos of all the action the whole day. so till 12 am, i stayed in my room relaxing on the net, surfing up about michael jackson... i really really miss him you know. ):

then at 12 plus, kuga surprised me that he was downstairs already. so i rushed down, and we headed to downtown for a supposed movie. but as luck would have it, they were already closing. ):

so instead, we decided to go to one of my favourite places in singapore. changi village. the ulu,

went there, walked... saw gays, ate... then we went to the cold cold cold beach.

found a nice bench to sit on, and we just talked, laughed, and snuggled to keep warm.

kuga was like getting so excited cos the planes were so near the ground above us. to me, it was like nothing already. cos i grew up with planes and stuff. but kuga's amazement actually sparked off my realization. that yeah, it was pretty cool.

i love how you use your strength to overcome my resistance, not to pleasure yourself, but to make me feel nice.

we left at 3 plus. but cos the place was so ulu, it was so retarded trying to find a cab. had to walk like so far till we finally got one.

in the end, i reached home at like 4. and slept at nearly 5. kuga called me at 5 plus when he got home, but i think i died during that call as well.

so that was my nice nice day.

and today when i awoke, i had a lovely breakfast. a long black, koko krunch, biscuits and of course the very important glass of water.

i can't wait to see how this day will enfold.

 

anyway, just to recap.

on saturday i was off. the day before, friday, kuga made me sad.

saturday night we went out, and i had only one hour of sleep before working at 7am on sunday.

we passed by this lady that told her husband, "omg so sweet! so young!"

and kuga and i just started laughing.

Labels: 13 o'clock, blood ties, coffeeclub, eyecandy, kuga starr, Newport, phone dates

haven't blogged in a bit... well that's cos i usually blog at night after my day has ended, but for the past few nights, i've been feeling pretty exhausted so, i drift right off to sleep once i'm done living the day. (awfully long sentence. =/) can almost hear ms quek's voice "why is this sentence so long??? one, two, three, four... 37 words!!"

that's what she always did last year when we were working on my thesis.

anyway, now delilah's having her siesta, so that leaves me with time to blog for a bit. so i shall recap a bit about the days.

on tuesday, i went out for a late night walk (super long walk) with kuga after his work.

he came over and we walked for ages. i love walking. long walks to be exact.

been doing that since i was with martin.

then last year, whilst jun yuan and i were studying for As, we would go for super long walks too. (my neighbour downstairs who's also in tampines junior college)

and now, kuga!

so he's super nice to take the routes that i love. the ones i took with jun yuan.

we came back at like 4 plus.

on wednesday, i had a long talk with BOTH thanaskodi and kuga. cos i felt jealous. about an ex-worker at tanglin club. and both of them took like forever to appease me. especially thanaskodi.

i don't know how they're so patient. really.

and yesterday, kuga went back to malaysia. friend having a wedding today. so he's busy with wedding stuff.

last night, i talked super long to thanaskodi. and fell asleep.

but today, he's going to malaysia too. visit his relatives.

so looks like my two boys are leaving me for the weekend.

maybe i'll meet thanaskodi on sunday. gotta ask kuga first.

 

on to another topic, i started work at coffee club @ white sands on tuesday.

i must say, my co-workers are very friendly and nice to me.

but sadly, i will never be able to compare them to my experience with the dream team at tanglin.

they really made the bar for fun at work with friends SUPER high. and i won't be able to replace or find a group like them in a long time.

i even found a new best friend in thanaskodi who manja-s me like hell.

and a boyfriend who's so patient and caring to me.

and a damn funnily cool guy who's so unique. calls me "dear" all the time. and makes me laugh.

 

seriously, i miss them.

but sadly, we've all gone to different routes.

selvam went to wheelhouse, (another restaurant at the club)

thana went to tangles, (another restaurant at the club)

and i left the club altogether.

only kuga's leFft in deli

Labels: Angela Ferilli, blood ties, coffeeclub, eyecandy, fallacy, No Reservations, nostalgia, summer

yesterday was the 14th death anniversary of my grandmother.

and i believe she visited my house last night.

and me first.

her favourite grandchild.

then my dad and delilah.

i love u.

Labels: blood ties, daddy

finally i'm blogging. been too lazy to blog for the past week plus. somehow, i've been feeling exhausted and sleepy. so i don't stay up much if i'm home.

anywayys, (:

time now's about 3am and i'm here sitting on my bed blogging the long delayed post.

and i think i have the most nice and understanding boyfriend.

he had this fantastic nice plan. of which i really really love to do.

just now after work at 11.30pm, he had wanted to come down here, grab my laptop (and me of course) and have a late night supper at downtown macs. then walk home, late into the night.

wouldn't have been our first time doing that, we've already done that several times. and i absolutely LOVE our night outings. (:

BUT, tonight, i turned him down.

yeah i actually did that.

why?

cos of PMS. for some illogical reason, i feel like being left alone. like i just don't want to be with anybody.

and kuga was like so understanding to my whiny-ness.

no objections, or negative responses. he was totally totally supportive, and even allowed me to text my new "boyfriend". (but i didn't text him much anyways cos i really didnt want the presence of anyone around me. yes crazy i know.)

he even made me smile and giggle with his "mushy talk" to me on the phone before he left work. seriously people who know him (like thana) always say they've never seen THE KUGA manja anyone like how he treats me.

so even though i didn't meet him, he left me all in smiles and laughter. (:

but now i'm getting a bit saddish and impatient. cos he hasn't called me yet. since 12.30am. ):

never mind, i shall be patient!.

in the meantime, i think i shall record down what has been happening since last monday.

[fyi, time now is 5pm. i slept last night. didn't finish the post. will continue now. (: ]

now, i'm massaging my feet, sitting in the armchair at the living room... delilah's asleep. and the weather's fine. cloudy/rainy.

yeah it rained pretty heavily last night. i talked with kuga on the phone till nearly 5am. hey! thats like 12 hours earlier from now! haha.

anywayss, okay.

on tuesday, i had that date with boyfriend.

fun-ness.

first, he came over to my place SUPER early. i wasn't expecting him to be early. so in the end he ended up waiting for me outside for almost an hour! haha!

parents and delilah went to the zoo, brother and sister went to school. but no, i didn't let him in the house.

something about how i've become closer with my family the past two years. i've grown to respect them at another level. it would just feel wrong for me.

so anyway, baby had to wait outside and what not.

finally, i met him. which was super funny.

cos after all the arousing phone calls we shared over the weekend, i promised to kiss him for 5 minutes upon meeting him on tuesday.

but when i did meet him, i wasn't really in the mood.

so he was IGNORED. soo cute. haha.

anyways, we went to raffles medical center at airport to get my injection. cos coffee club insisted i get one. ):

sad.

and i was scared. as cheryl would know.

but the nurse was really really nice to me. and i screamed. haha.

okay. then, we RUSHED to vivocity. cos that's where we were scheduled to watch ICE AGE 3

got our tickets, then we went to this restaurant called The Mussels Place or something to have lunch.

we

were

starving.

 

lunch was awesome. i think i want to go there again.

then, we went to watch the movie. (:

which was funny. nice. watched it in 3D.

the dinosaurs were super cute. but i still love diego best.

there was a kid seated near us that said excitedly "mummy! i like the tiger!!"

then i grinned and snuggled up to kuga cos i had a lion of my own. (:

 

after the movie, we walked at the sky park for awhile to warm ourselves. cinema was rather chilly.

then we took a walk to st. james. in kuga's words to "survey the area".

well, so many of my friends are always there. and i've never actually bothered going down to the place. cos it sounded too overrated for me. like homeclub. where EVERYBODY goes.

but then on that day, i had my favourite person in the whole wide world whom i love checking new places out with, with me, so i thought, hey it would be pretty exciting.

after walking there, we walked back to vivo to get me a chocolate cake cos i wanted one. (:

then we spent more time walking around the huge mall.

then whilst walking past the numerous bars there, i felt like drinking. and kuga was okay with it. so we started looking around...

but then i decided, hey! since we're here, why don't we go to st.james?

so yeah. that was the plan.

but it was still a tad early. so for about 45 mins, we sat near the water and talked about all sorts of stuff, while i snuggled on him.

 

then we made our way there. and apparently there were so many outlets! we went into dragonfly and the chinese dude was like so confused.

later i found out from rudy it's a cheena place. go figure.

so later with rudy's help, we decided on movida. at like 8pm.

got a nice table, and then we ordered a jug. and some fried stuff.

and thats when the night began.

hahaa. which was super fun.

we talked, laughed... drank. drinks after drinks... and by 11 plus, i think we were quite high.

which was funny.

i got angry at him because he did something so lame and stupid. (which i can't mention here.) and then i was like scolding him. amidst the loud music and chaos. hahaha! and he was like sorry sorry sorry sorry.

actually what he did was no big deal. but i think i was high. hahahaha! thats why. damn funny.

so we were like crazy there. but i think the ladies at the next table were worst. they totally didn't know what they were doing.

dancing like crazy people and actually getting the waiter to stay with them.

funny.

 

then we went outside, away from the noise... and our high-ness soon died out. i think we both can hold our drinks pretty well.

stayed there for awhile... then went back to vivo... at like 3am.

then took a cab and reached home at 4am.

 

that was fun. but crazy. i had work at 11 and he at 10. so it was pretty whack.

 

well that was our day.

on wednesday, .... nothing much happened.

but i was really really tired at work.

 

on thursday, ...

thana met me after my work, and we rushed down to orchard to meet kuga during his short break.

we all had lunch at macs, then after kuga left, thana and i walked along orchard while i ate potato chips...

we walked around OC again, then went back to pasir ris.

had coffee and toast, then we went to NTUC where he helped me with his chef expertise to find ingredients to cook myself a soup. (;

then we we

nt home, and i cooked my soup.

 

on thursday night 4am/ friday morning...

i was talking to kuga on the phone and i got a bit upset so he came down at 5am plus from malaysia and we talked till it as 8 plus and i had to rush to work.

i worked at 9.

it was a miracle i got to work on time. like on the dot.

then, kuga came into coffee club. like he was the first customer. haha.

well at least that made my first hour eventful.

then he had to go to work, cos he started at 2...

in the evening, family and i went to bugis to have thai dinner with the rest of the family.

train was stupid. it was super delayed. in the end we dropped off at kembangan and took a cab.

 

on saturday,...

i was off.

went to aunty evie's house to blackjack the whole day.

went home at 10 after watching the first part of harry potter on tv.

 

on sunday...

went to work...

rushed to orchard to have lunch with kuga during his break...

went to tampines to attend church.

came home,

evening, went to mac donalds with kuga.

came home at 3am.

 

on monday,...

worked at 9 to 1.

met daddy at white sands.

went home together.

joana's birthday.

at night, went to airport.

ate lots of ice cream.

talked on phone with kuga for ages.

 

on tuesday, ...

off. stayed home with delilah.

at night, went mac donalds with kuga at white sands.

walked home.

nice.,

reached home at 4.

 

which was killer because,

on wednesday,

i worked at 9am.

till 2.30pm.

and i felt like dying.

 

on thursday,

which was yesterday.

i stayed home, and stared to read A Walk to Remember

and at night, kuga wanted to meet me, but i pushed him away.

 

and TODAY,

i think i'll meet him. (:

 

p.s. christmas is starting to show its presence... tv shows are airing their xmas episodes. =/

 

p.p.s. i dreamt of martin today. =/

Labels: Angela Ferilli, blood ties, cher, chrismukkah, coffeeclub, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, dreamdiary, eyecandy, fallacy, God, jammers, kuga starr, LA, phone dates

i had an awesome day today.

honestly everything went so great, i can't really find an imperfection in anything.

anyway, time now is 4.25am so i'm going to make this quick.

i gotta try to sleep asap cos tomorrow there's a lunch party at aunty evie's place.

looks like i can't watch ice age 2 today.

i watched ice age last night. (:

for kuga of course. cos he wants me to bring him to ice age 3. and i want to know everything about the series first before i watch it.

if not for kuga, i wouldnt even have anything to do with the series. since the first movie, it never managed to even get a silver of my attention. and now i'm so enthusiastically rushing to watch it.

-_-

the things love does to you.

but i must say, i'm pretty impressed. it wasn't too bad. in fact, i think i actually like it. which is so contrary to what i was predicting. A BORING MOVIE. like chicken little. which i must say i give 2/5.

so for ice age, i give it 5/5.

and i'm officially in love with diego. he's so cool and fierce.

and his fangs are like wow.

so i was like all gushing over diego last night, feeling sad that he didn't exist. then i realized, I HAVE MY OWN LION!

then i felt much better. haha.

 

anyway, back to today's story, i went to church with parents.

then, trained to orchard where i was supposed to meet thanaskodi and kuga for their break.

i was early, so i decided to shop at borders.

after meeting up, we ate and mac donalds...

then kuga and i left thana there. we went for our alone time.

(:

 

was raining really heavily so subsequently, we were virtually trapped in wisma/ngee ann. for like more than an hour.

couldnt go anywhere else without risking the downpour. i wanted to go to paragon. but there was just no way. it was raining like mad.

 

nevertheless, i was not bored for a second. being stuck with kuga is fun. he bought me a cranberry bun! hehe. and for some reason, we kept browsing aldo outlets.

i think it's a sign. haha.

 

finally, i got sick of wisma. the downpour had succumbed to rain. (yes still raining)

we had one hour to go before kuga had to get back to work.

thats when i gave up.

screw this, i'm going to walk in the rain. out of here.

 

so we walked out, with no destination in mind.

laughing and playing as we walked. (me shielding myself with a stupid small plastic bag. that of the cranberry bun)

tumblr

 

then halfway still in the rain, kuga wanted ice cream, and i felt the comforting urge for a long black. so i brought him to my usual tcc haunt, and ordered him a double scoop of chocolate ice cream with whipped cream. he was soo cute eating ice cream like that. haha.

 

finally, he had to get back. (it was still raining.) i went back to tanglin too. cos i wanted to get some stuff from my locker.

soo, after kissing him goodbye outside the locker rooms and then parting ways, i took my shoe bag from my locker, and made my way to the gates of tanglin.

 

i was about to cross the gates, when i noticed a familiar shape sitting at the far end of the yard. where people usually hung out during their breaks.

i walked over to investigate and was so damn happy when my beliefs were confirmed. that it was thana!

 

so i talked to him, then ashraf came, talked to him too. then thanaskodi got really jealous about that and actually went one corner to sulk. so cute.

then i left soon after cos someone i didnt want to see came.

 

then, i realized i lost my ipod.

it had been in my front pocket of my jeans the whole day. and i reckon it fell out as kuga and i were walking around town.

with orchard being so crowded on sundays, i knew i would have no chance of finding it even if i tried. i wouldn't even know where to start looking.

so with a sense of retirement, i accepted that fate, and just made my way to the station. was feeling rather useless. sick of losing valuables.

surprisingly though, i didn't really feel damn depressed. i was just exhausted from the occurrence of yet another loss. but i wasn't like sad sad.

 

and then, i realized why.

i had too good of a day to be really sad over this.

and then i realized another thing.

the last time i lost my mp3, i too had a damn nice day. which couldn't allow me to feel a tad sad over the loss. refer to the post on 24th may last year.

 

so i guess, it was a good time to lose a valuable. when i'm happy.

it would have sucked a hell lot more if i lost it on a retarded day in which everything was going wrong.

so i guess, i was marginally lucky.

 

things got a lot lighter in the train on the way home, when thanaskodi called me and started complaining that he didn't like how i kept talking to ashraf. hahaa. that boy. he made me laugh so hard, it was literally impossible to feel anything negative.

 

at home, had dinner with mummy, vicente and delilah.

after delilah had had her bath, we coloured together in her new colouring book. (: funnn

 

then she slept, at like 1 am.

then thanaskodi called, and made me happy some more!

fyi, he had compliments today from customers. really proud of him.

 

he made me happy, and actually said my hair was nice today. very pretty. (:

 

then, i finished up reading One Fifth Avenue. i give it 5/5

 

and now, i'm going to wash my face, and finally sleep.

good night world.

Labels: 13 o'clock, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, cher, daddy, eyecandy, God, kuga starr, LA, london, new york, Newport, No Reservations, nostalgia, phone dates, The New York Times, vivian, wordsmagicallyspun

let me share something with you guys.

something that happened to me today.

something that will probably show you guys the kind of person i am. more specifically, the kind of girlfriend i am.

but more importantly, this event made me realize a lot about kuga. and the kind of boyfriend he is.

______________________

 

okay so, last night, i didn't talk to kuga after he went back to his house in malaysia.

because apparently, he cleaned his house after arriving home from work, and then was too tired he fell right to sleep.

he did text me though, that he was tired.

then i think he KO-ed.

 

so, louiza's not used to this. cos every night, kuga says good night.

but oh wells, i decided to be reasonable. to not pout, or sulk. i was understanding.

 

you might be thinking, "so why is it a big deal?"

 

reason being, i like to be spoilt like that.

AND ALSO, by some unfortunate coincidence, this wasn't the first time. for the past couple of nights, i had not really gotten regular calls after his work at night because friends have been needing his help with errands and stuff.

and no! i never once felt sulky about that. cos his friends are also my friends. and i'm glad baby's really helpful.

nevertheless, after consecutive nights, the trend of absent communication gets noticed and the pout ability in me gets somewhat triggered.

BUT DESPITE THAT, see! i was understanding. didn't sulk.

instead, i watched movies all night, (chick-flicks) while hugging the big bear he gave me.

 

 

BUT THIS MORNING, his call at 10am woke me up. and while i was still half-asleep, i recalled him talking very sleepily, then suddenly, he just hung up! after saying he has a very bad headache, he'll call me back.

okay, maybe it was because i was sleepy, so my reason wasn't functioning. but at that moment, i began to pout!

yes, his headache might have been really genuine. but i guess, i let the spoilt monster in me take over at that moment.

don't get me wrong, i never ever doubted his love.

it's just the unreasonable brat in me.

 

 

so, at that moment, i started to plot.

plot a plan!

like in my mind were these thoughts. (in no particular order)

why on earth am i waiting for him to call me!

he only calls when he wants to! and i have to wait wait wait wait! (totally not true, but at 10am after only 3 hours of sleep, i was convinced this was the ultimate truth)

he's forgotten me, and i DON'T LIKE THIS!

i dont want to be vulnerable! like the weak one! waiting and waiting and waiting. and being all affected!

CONCLUSION : I AM GOING TO BE STRONG! AND NOT ALLOW THIS WEAKNESS TO ENSUE!

 

 

as u can see, it was all rubbish.

number one, i don't really wait long for him.

number two, even if i have to wait, it's always for a legitimate reason. and he always gets to me as soon as he can.

 

but still, i was already sulking and pouting. so i wanted to RISE UP and be strong and not allow my mood to be determined by whether his calls came or not.

 

so the plan was this.

for the whole day, whenever he calls, i'll say "I'M BUSY! I CAN'T TALK NOW!"

and then say bye.

 

you guys can even refer to my tumblr. cos thats where i updated on the progress of THE PLAN.

 

 

at first, it was very effective.

 

he called one hour later, and i said i was BUSY! and it caught him offguard.

 

but i hated doing it - as i knew i would the moment i started plotting. cos it's painful putting down the phone on my baby.

i always relish every second i get to talk to him on the phone. and now to charge in the opposite direction, was REALLY REALLY sad. ):

 

then he began calling again and again at intervals...

and i said the same thing!

and actually from the first call, he already knew something was up, cos "louiza never says she's busy except if she's bathing. but that one also, u will pick and let me know."

 

so i was glad. the plan was WORKING.

 

and it did for the hours to come. till like 4 plus.

i let my sad emotion waver my determination to be focused on the call routine.

 

i was missing him badly, so i talked more.

then when i realized i was flirting with the ENEMY, i quickly said BYE! and hung up!

 

and vowed to be stronger at the next encounter. (i actually posted about this on tumblr)

 

 

but all this time, baby was such a sweetie and a gentleman. apologizing and already guessing it was about the lack of calls.

 

and i just kept responding this in a whiny , "no, no need to apologize! you don't like to talk to me right?! so never mind! i will relieve you of that burden!" 

 

 

however, the plan finally failed. at 6.45 during his break.

he had gotten hold of me on the phone, and was explaining.

saying that, he really couldn't call, (something i already accepted as true. cos the hours awoke my reason. but i just wanted to see where this plan was going to go. for fun.) that he will improve on calling me, and that it wasn't a burden to contact me... he always tries his best to keep in touch with me.

even at work, he uses the tactics i used to employ to text him.

 

and THIS IS THE FALLEN MOMENT WHEN I LET THE PLAN DIE.

cos, then i excitedly went on and on about how i evaded the system... how i could text him. the tricks i used... where i hid my phone... where I hid to text him..

THEN, he said this. "yeah... i know... it must be so hard for you to lie and put down the phone on me... the whole day... i'm sorry baby."

 

 

and i was speechless.

"what do you mean?" i said, thinking it must be impossible.

then he said, "i know how you always love talking to me... you never say you're busy, you wait up for me to call you, and at work, you do everything to get me... so i know now, you're wanting to show me how you're all merajuk (malay for sulking)... and you're making yourself say you're busy. i know it makes you sad to have to put the phone down."

 

"and i can tell how hard it is."

 

and all i could say was. "omg. how could you have known."

 

cos, that was exactly what i was feeling. and i felt so touched.

here's a guy who, instead of getting annoyed, or just apologizing for his part, he was actually thinking about my real intentions, and my feelings. while i was conspiring to prove a point.

 

and despite knowing all this, he was still humouring me by apologizing.

 

then i pouted and whined, "i don't like this!  you ruined my plan!! " ):

 

and then he said, "haha. baby... baby louiza. you are childish, sweet, and nice. anger is not in you. so next time you want to act, please act more realistically. just now, you let yourself slip. you talked to me. then when you realized you were not in the correct direction, you suddenly said you're busy. soo cute la you."

 

 

"next time, if i know you're doing all this, i will come to your house and talk to you. so you don't need to hang up saying you're busy."

 

:(

 

see how silly i was.

 

i think it's the fact his older. like cheryl and i talked about.

more calm. so i can be the frisky terrier. while, he, the calm Doberman.

 

or maybe it's just me.

sometimes i really underestimate him.

______________________________________________________

 

 

anyway just for memory's sake.

today i had a lunch at my place so relatives came, and i blackjacked for a couple of hours.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, cher, eyecandy, JKR, kuga starr, No Reservations, nostalgia, phone dates, wordsmagicallyspun

i'm happy. just watched My Wife and Kids with parents whilst having a cup of long black.

my first coffee in over 2 weeks.

mainly cos my home stock finished and i've been too lazy to get some. and i stopped working at the coffee heaven.

don't get me wrong, i didnt suddenly arise from the lazy stupor. baby got me a big bottle of my favourite German coffee.

yupp, before the comedy, i had just come up from meeting thanaskodi and kuga.

(okay that was weird. calling him kuga. these days he's just baby to me. using that name's weird. haha.)

after work, thanaskodi wanted to buy some stuff cos he's going to thailand for a holiday tomorrow. till friday. WILL MISS HIM.

anyways, kuga baby was nice to accompany him.

and after that, both of them came over. (:

baby bought me lots of stuff. like all of a sudden! heex.

including my coffee, and favourite dark chocolate.

and he also bought me a new bracelet!

the few i always wear broke last week. ):

after like one and a half years.

but i love the new one baby bought me.

 

 

when he does stuff like this, i just can't believe how sensitive he is to me. i mean like. when i just met him, he was a total pain in the flesh. totally rude, insensitive and introverted. and at that time, sensitivity was a total impossibility in my opinion.

and now, he's taking me on his lap and speaking softly into my ear, putting bracelets on my wrists, arranging strands of my hair that strayed.

i feel like a pet. (:

 

 

anyway, couple of months back, i recall blogging about the qualities that dumbledore and ms quek shared. 15th January 2009 that which i admire, but didnt have the courage to undertake.

but last night, kuga really talked to me. and i realize, he also displays these qualities..

and i realize, i can be this way. it's not as impossible as i think it is.

simply by not worrying so much about the future.

Labels: 13 o'clock, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, daddy, eyecandy, hogwarts, kuga starr, muse, this chapter is called..., wordsmagicallyspun

kuga came by after work.

we went to downtown to get my coffee, but everything was close. of all the days.

so we walked home, and got coffee on the way...

then we talked at the park awhile. lucky we didnt go for a movie. kuga was like already drifting in and out of sleep just sitting there.

so we continued our conversation via international calling.

and just ended, at 5.30am.

now i'm just enjoying the company of vivian and ben online.

today, sunday, parents, vicente and i went for mass. then after mass, we had lunch at century square...

okay my post is all over the place, i think i shall sleep soon.

 

lovebite 14th June...

 

it's very cozy having a man in my life. one that really knows how to take care of me.

today i got scolding. for always asking him to leave. because he says he'll stay no matter what he has to go through.

but the scolding was in a nice gentlemanly way. (:

 

sadness is like rubbish that we have to throw away.

 

cute, baby, like small girl.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, God, kuga starr, No Reservations, phone dates, wordsmagicallyspun

i haven't slept. since 10 am yesterday morning.

that means, i've officially been awake for 36 hours. and counting.

but surprisingly, today, i'm not having one of those headaches i usually get whenever i don't sleep.

amazing.

maybe cos i've been too active and busy to let the fatigue sink in.

or maybe it's just cos kuga's in my life.

i pretty much stayed home all day yesterday. with family... ate... biscuits... did a bit of housework... set myself up a tumblr. only cause vivian's look so pretty. it's so not popular in singapore.

nevertheless, THANK YOU VIVIAN for quelling my stupidity. i know i kept whining over and over again about how i'm so damn confused and totally dont understand anything.

THANK YOU.

so anyone who's curious, you can check me out at www.frenchkisses.tumblr.com

where i try to be as creative as vivian.

hopefully i'm diligent enough.

oh guess what! i've linked the rss feed of my twitter to my tumblr. so now my tweets also get shown on my tumblr. just in case i'm too stupid to make my tumblr look nice, at least there's something there.

SEE VIVIAN. I MERGED MY BELOVED TWITTER WITH TUMBLR. hehee. but my twitter still remains though. at http://twitter.com/louizastarr i'm still there. tweeting about the air i breathe.

yes i know i'm lame.

but also obsessed with perfection.. and "taking down things"

apart from displays of creativity, i'm also using my tumblr as like a place to note the status of my relationship. i like to go back and observe the changes. good or bad.

are you starting to get the whole "taking down things" obsession now? haha.

don't say i didnt warn you.

anyhows.

in the evening, delilah daddy and i went to white sands to get some food. got like SO MUCH of kfc.

at night, i met kuga at 12 plus.

brought him to watch TRANSFORMERS!

but he fell asleep like during the last hour. (stubborn boy that didnt want to listen to me. i told you that you'll be to too tired to meet after work)

never mind. that didn't stop that silly boy from proclaiming at work that MY GIRLFRIEND BROUGHT ME TO SEE TRANSFORMERS LAST NIGHT!!!!

i give that movie 5/5.

then we walked home... i came home at like 7.

didn't really sleep because at 9 i had to make my way to tpjc to collect my A level cert... to pass to Broward College.

yup! i'm an undergraduate there now.

went to college to give the cert... then walked so much around cbd doing american banking. the weather was effing hot. i was shiny in sweat. and i was wearing a tube.

okay maybe the jeans didnt help.

and the fact that the whole get up was black.

ANYWAY, at 2, i made my way to tanglin to see baby!! by the way, i dont work there anymore. since sunday.

brought him out to lunch.

macs. as usual.

had fun amusing him with my personal notebook and my academic stuff.

and and and we had a really really funny conversation. i think i'll use tumblr to post it.

so go check it out kay!!! at www.frenchkisses.tumblr.com

:D

baby started work at 4 again. so he walked me to the station... where we spent the last 15 minutes just standing at the corner and talking like we always do.

and baby kept amusing me with his fierce face. making me giggle and go all shy and everything.

then he had to go. but he made me walk at the side where he could see my through the glass panel. haha. sweetness you.

then i went to college to sign a couple of documents.

THEN, my day got better.

vivian and i started a text marathon.

and she made me smile throughout the journey back to pasir ris. despite how my feet were hurting and my hair so messy and i felt so dirrty after the long long afternoon.

where the next shocker happened.

i passed the new coffee club where they were apparently hiring.

feeling all tired, i just randomly walked in.

and 10 minutes later, i'm an employee.

yes i'm shocked too.

i start on the 6th. cheer for me yeah!

i know baby is cheering for me. (: thanks for the support.

then i went home. like finally.

and had like hours of talk with daddy. (:

ate, play and now i'm here.

OKAY OFF TO DO THAT CONVERSATION.

go see! (:

Labels: blood ties, cher, coffeeclub, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, Knights Ridge, kuga starr, No Reservations, the girls, this chapter is called..., vivian

today's first day of kuga's leave

yesterday, went to work late. then muraly couldn't go meeting. =/

after work went home with susan and wendy.

asam girls. haha. we kept eating asam while walking to the station.

went home, took care of delilah, watched a bit of transformers. (:

at 12 plus, kuga came over. brought me to macs... where i showed him my blog. (this one)

and the conversations i had with vi and cher about him. (super embarrassing.)

i love you baby and you're the best for me. no one else.

at like 2.30, we walked home. which was nice. cos baby kept TALKING AND TALKING.

and i kept smiling cos i love to hear him speak. it's the only thing i wanted to ever do when i just met him. well, except of course, not the rubbish attitudes he was giving me at that time.

so i just kept soaking in the conversations, looking at him... doing my darnest to remember every detail of him. as i wouldn't be seeing this boy until tuesday. he's going to KL to visit his family. who are really nice people, from the conversations i've had with them over the phone.

"it's like now i'm walking. i don't know if i'm going to fall down over there. but i'm still going to carry on walking." - kuga, upon my question of how he knows i'm worth it.

so i reached home at like 3.15am. kuga kept asking me to inform my dad where i was. something i dont normally do. but i guess its good. cos then when i came home i didn't get any of the usual nagging.

i did research after bathing. and slept at like 5.30. woke up at 1.30. so i'm glad i had 8 hours of sleep. (:

Labels: blood ties, daddy, eyecandy, grey's anatomy, kuga starr, No Reservations, wordsmagicallyspun

the weather is SO so hot!

anyways, for record's sake. saturday was i'm sorry thank you day for thana and i. and kuga decided to come and EXTRA also. haha.

nahh he's just cute.

sunday, i did opening all by myself! in the dark. seriously. i feel so proud of myself.

actually, i was supposed to start work only at 11. but i decided to surprise baby who was doing opening at 10.

i came at 9.30 and did opening all by myself!!

first time! *feels proud.

after work, he brought me home. (: then went back for second shift. i love him.

last night talked to elfy.

today, i worked with him again. went to work early as well. we worked with aunty today. very fun for some reason.

after work, as he didn't have any break, i walked to macs to buy him food, then after passing it back to him, i went home.

at home, i had a damn long phone conversation with dad. not unusual. but yeah, awesome just the same.

and now, i'm just waiting to hear from kuga.

Labels: Angela Ferilli, blood ties, daddy, elfie, eyecandy, God, grey's anatomy, kuga starr, No Reservations, phone dates

okay i really have to control my mouth.

I TALK TOO MUCH TO KUGA OVER THE PHONE!!

and now its like 5.15am. ):

i feel bad.

and i really really LOVE kuga.

he really knows how to treat me properly.

and friday, i have a DATE with thanaskodi.

and kuga actually didn't ask to come cos he didn't want to interrupt us.

really i cant believe it.

he's so damn nice. and he trusts me so much.

but i persuaded baby that i wanted him to come... our lives are now joined. one. there's only us. so my outings are also his. and i want him around my life as much as possible.

no such things as interruptions. cos he's louiza as much as i am. (: in fact, he can go as my representative to anything. (:

i spent the whole night watching lipstick jungle. (still am actually)

I LOVE
KUGA.

am i crazy.

i think so.

and delilah was having a fever today. now she's okay. but the whole day whole family was worrying over her.

everyone loves her. (:

and kuga's worried too.

i am content.

LJ.

Labels: 13 o'clock, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, eyecandy, kuga starr, phone dates

the weather is really, really hot.

and it has been that way for the past couple of days.

at times, it gets to me, but at others, i try to enjoy it. soaking up the sun means more vitamin D. sorry for the randomness.

anyhow, the day's sunday... here's what i did.

i went for mass at 9.30 with vicente, after which he went for cathechism. i decided to walk home. (part of embracing the sun)

i did take a cool shower thereafter.

watched tv with delilah, then at 1 plus, went to tampines mall to have lunch with family. had cafe cartel. personally i think the standards are somewhat dropping. ah wells. all was good.

LJ.

it's a rather down tuned sunday for me, so after lunch, i just went back with delilah.

now she's having an afternoon nap, whilst i'm here massaging my feet and trying not to let the heat get to me.

did you know? i'm feeling rather stupid. and till i get over this chapter, i think i'm going to continue feeling lost and stupid. HSWW.

i think after this, i will go print out our migration documents. daddy's been asking me to do it for days. and i've been too busy or exhausted to do it.

anyway, i really cant wait for thanaskodi to come back. selvam starts leave today. and he's going to meet thana in ipoh. we ought to go on a trip one day.

just to note, yesterday kuga came down at like 5 plus... we hung out for awhile then went for breakfast at loyang point. then work... where everyone was getting ready for the club party.

i worked at churchill.

then went for macs with kuga.

then home.

Labels: Angela Ferilli, blood ties, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, God, Happy Birthday, hogwarts, kuga starr, No Reservations, this chapter is called...

today, is day one of thana's leave.

i went to work, to work with not nice person again... zzz...never mind. the rest of the people were really nice.

i handled almost an hour of chaos.

really proud of myself...

then kuga came and made me happy... then i went home after work.

that's all for work today i guess.

then at home, in the evening went to mass with vicente...

then we went to eat like a hell lot.

didnt know my brother actually has manners. waited for my food to come after so many years before he started to eat.

then we also bought chocolate to eat in the bus on the way home.

(:

thats family for the day....

now on to the main feature.

thanaskodi.

he really made me happy the whole day.

like i was really dreading going to work... working with not nice person... and not having kuga around in the morning.. and thana in malaysia...

but he called me like almost at every point of the day!! from malaysia!

and reallly made me happy.

really.

it's like you're not gone.

(:

thanks.

Labels: Angela Ferilli, blood ties, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, God, grey's anatomy, kuga starr, No Reservations, phone dates

just had supper.

started at 3.

before that, talked to kuga for two hours.

i feel sad.

thana's leave starts today. ):

won't be seeing him for a week.

won't be talking to him for a week. ):

and i've grown so accustomed to talking to him on the phone almost everyday.

and also conferencing with him and kuga. the funness. the chaos. priceless.

work's stupid these days in the morning. don't really like who i work with in the morning past couple of days. but i'm trying to belt it in.

i think i'm doing fine.

and either ways, when thana comes, then kuga, they never fail to make me feel loads better.

but i guess for the next week to come, i'll only be relying on boyfriend.

which is awesome!

selvam's going on leave too... he taught me how to set the terrace!! (:

boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend. i miss you.

k wait. need to message him.

k done.

now, my number two. thanaskodi.

okay done.

now back to kuga starr.

okay done. now back to blogging.

so yeah, gonna miss the absentees.

and i love kuga. how he trusts me so much...

LJ.

he's MY man.

p.s. feels guilty that cos of me he waited 1 and a half hours at the roadside.

today, went out with vicente and delilah. we seem to do that a lot often.

fun.

and yeah supper.

daddy put out for me as usual. (: even though he was super tired.

Labels: 13 o'clock, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, grey's anatomy, kuga starr, No Reservations, nostalgia, phone dates