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Louiza Starr
The year is 2010. Apart from the traditional resolutions of not being lazy, having more patience et cetera, I also declared this year "The Adventure". Primarily, this is because I have no idea where I'd be at the end of the year. For the first time in my life, there is no "exam that I know I would have completed" or "school that I would be admitted into". I can be anywhere on earth by the last day of 2010. And that is what excites me, cos I can't wait to live it through and discover where I will be, who i will meet - new friends, new lovers. The possibilities are endless. And as I put my capabilities and personality to the test, I invite you to travel with me through this adventure and observe, as I live out the new decade.

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title: of gays and transsexuals - $
date: Tuesday, July 28, 2009

just woke up like an hour plus ago. which means after noon.

still feeling a bit too blurrish to blog properly, but i'm going to anyways, so try to bear with me.

yesterday was nice.

i worked at 9, and for once in a rather long time, i had a night's rest that one can actually call proper.

yeah recently, i've been only getting a couple of hours sleep (or less than that) before having to rush to work in the morning. and of course, throughout work, i'll be dying.

so yesterday was a nice change/improvement. but mind you, it wasn't of my own will. kuga made me. he refused to come see me at night after his work. despite my begging. so despite my mental resistance, my body gave in to its own exhaustion and fell asleep pretty early. at like 12am.

why own exhaustion? cos the night before, i only had an hour's sleep. and i went to work like that. with an hour's sleep.

 

either ways, kuga was really nice. we made a deal. because he wasn't to come see me, he would talk to me for hours on the phone instead. and that's exactly what took place. till like nearly 4am.

but why i say i slept at like 12am? cos my body like already shut down even though i was still on the call. which means he was doing the talking whilst i was just talking nonsense and forbidding him to put down the phone.

so that was actually very nice. like falling asleep to his voice. and sleeping to his voice. haha. since i was already gone.

 

anyway, back to the day i had, work was nice. i went a tad late though. at like 9.15am.

faizal and i ate blackforest for breakfast.

and the team today consisted of him, ruddy, charleston and me. harry joined later.

and faizal and charleston tricked me into thinking that it was charleston's last day here and he was going back to sarawak forever the next day. ):

whatever.

anyway work wasn't so bad. more stuff to do today. so that's good...

and it rained so much! haha. i think that was nice.

during work, i had like this craving for fast food. so once my time was over, i raced to the stands, bought the paper and then went to macs.

but

they

were

out

of

fries

and wanted to replace it with stupid apple pie

like i eat apples.

or hot pies.

so then, i raced to burger king, bought myself a super upsized meal, and spoilt my health.

and i literally enjoyed the next hour after that.

sitting at the alfresco, the sun wasn't hot at all, being after the rain... so the colours of the world were reemerging. everything was fresh, and the wind was light and the air cool.

and alfresco wasn't crowded like inside, so i had a very relaxed alone time leisurely reading the papers (haven't done that in a while) and satisfying my craving.

oh what's better was the phone calls from the people i love.

whilst sitting there... had a video call with delilah, then a phone call with kuga. who still makes me very very happy. and whom people still think he's changed a lot to accommodate me. being more softer, nicer. (: (:

after that, i went home...

watched tv and ate snacks with delilah. played with her the rest of the day, (a nice rainy day)

then joana,vicente and i started talking nonsense about some keropok lady person. super funny...

then we hung out in the parents' room eating smarties from the pooh dispenser. which is delilah's by the way.

 

delilah slept pretty early cos of all the action the whole day. so till 12 am, i stayed in my room relaxing on the net, surfing up about michael jackson... i really really miss him you know. ):

then at 12 plus, kuga surprised me that he was downstairs already. so i rushed down, and we headed to downtown for a supposed movie. but as luck would have it, they were already closing. ):

so instead, we decided to go to one of my favourite places in singapore. changi village. the ulu,

went there, walked... saw gays, ate... then we went to the cold cold cold beach.

found a nice bench to sit on, and we just talked, laughed, and snuggled to keep warm.

kuga was like getting so excited cos the planes were so near the ground above us. to me, it was like nothing already. cos i grew up with planes and stuff. but kuga's amazement actually sparked off my realization. that yeah, it was pretty cool.

i love how you use your strength to overcome my resistance, not to pleasure yourself, but to make me feel nice.

we left at 3 plus. but cos the place was so ulu, it was so retarded trying to find a cab. had to walk like so far till we finally got one.

in the end, i reached home at like 4. and slept at nearly 5. kuga called me at 5 plus when he got home, but i think i died during that call as well.

so that was my nice nice day.

and today when i awoke, i had a lovely breakfast. a long black, koko krunch, biscuits and of course the very important glass of water.

i can't wait to see how this day will enfold.

 

anyway, just to recap.

on saturday i was off. the day before, friday, kuga made me sad.

saturday night we went out, and i had only one hour of sleep before working at 7am on sunday.

we passed by this lady that told her husband, "omg so sweet! so young!"

and kuga and i just started laughing.

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posted by louiza darling @ 14:31
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title: a week and two days
date: Friday, July 24, 2009

finally i'm blogging. been too lazy to blog for the past week plus. somehow, i've been feeling exhausted and sleepy. so i don't stay up much if i'm home.

anywayys, (:

time now's about 3am and i'm here sitting on my bed blogging the long delayed post.

and i think i have the most nice and understanding boyfriend.

he had this fantastic nice plan. of which i really really love to do.

just now after work at 11.30pm, he had wanted to come down here, grab my laptop (and me of course) and have a late night supper at downtown macs. then walk home, late into the night.

wouldn't have been our first time doing that, we've already done that several times. and i absolutely LOVE our night outings. (:

BUT, tonight, i turned him down.

yeah i actually did that.

why?

cos of PMS. for some illogical reason, i feel like being left alone. like i just don't want to be with anybody.

and kuga was like so understanding to my whiny-ness.

no objections, or negative responses. he was totally totally supportive, and even allowed me to text my new "boyfriend". (but i didn't text him much anyways cos i really didnt want the presence of anyone around me. yes crazy i know.)

he even made me smile and giggle with his "mushy talk" to me on the phone before he left work. seriously people who know him (like thana) always say they've never seen THE KUGA manja anyone like how he treats me.

so even though i didn't meet him, he left me all in smiles and laughter. (:

but now i'm getting a bit saddish and impatient. cos he hasn't called me yet. since 12.30am. ):

never mind, i shall be patient!.

in the meantime, i think i shall record down what has been happening since last monday.

[fyi, time now is 5pm. i slept last night. didn't finish the post. will continue now. (: ]

now, i'm massaging my feet, sitting in the armchair at the living room... delilah's asleep. and the weather's fine. cloudy/rainy.

yeah it rained pretty heavily last night. i talked with kuga on the phone till nearly 5am. hey! thats like 12 hours earlier from now! haha.

anywayss, okay.

on tuesday, i had that date with boyfriend.

fun-ness.

first, he came over to my place SUPER early. i wasn't expecting him to be early. so in the end he ended up waiting for me outside for almost an hour! haha!

parents and delilah went to the zoo, brother and sister went to school. but no, i didn't let him in the house.

something about how i've become closer with my family the past two years. i've grown to respect them at another level. it would just feel wrong for me.

so anyway, baby had to wait outside and what not.

finally, i met him. which was super funny.

cos after all the arousing phone calls we shared over the weekend, i promised to kiss him for 5 minutes upon meeting him on tuesday.

but when i did meet him, i wasn't really in the mood.

so he was IGNORED. soo cute. haha.

anyways, we went to raffles medical center at airport to get my injection. cos coffee club insisted i get one. ):

sad.

and i was scared. as cheryl would know.

but the nurse was really really nice to me. and i screamed. haha.

okay. then, we RUSHED to vivocity. cos that's where we were scheduled to watch ICE AGE 3

got our tickets, then we went to this restaurant called The Mussels Place or something to have lunch.

we

were

starving.

 

lunch was awesome. i think i want to go there again.

then, we went to watch the movie. (:

which was funny. nice. watched it in 3D.

the dinosaurs were super cute. but i still love diego best.

there was a kid seated near us that said excitedly "mummy! i like the tiger!!"

then i grinned and snuggled up to kuga cos i had a lion of my own. (:

 

after the movie, we walked at the sky park for awhile to warm ourselves. cinema was rather chilly.

then we took a walk to st. james. in kuga's words to "survey the area".

well, so many of my friends are always there. and i've never actually bothered going down to the place. cos it sounded too overrated for me. like homeclub. where EVERYBODY goes.

but then on that day, i had my favourite person in the whole wide world whom i love checking new places out with, with me, so i thought, hey it would be pretty exciting.

after walking there, we walked back to vivo to get me a chocolate cake cos i wanted one. (:

then we spent more time walking around the huge mall.

then whilst walking past the numerous bars there, i felt like drinking. and kuga was okay with it. so we started looking around...

but then i decided, hey! since we're here, why don't we go to st.james?

so yeah. that was the plan.

but it was still a tad early. so for about 45 mins, we sat near the water and talked about all sorts of stuff, while i snuggled on him.

 

then we made our way there. and apparently there were so many outlets! we went into dragonfly and the chinese dude was like so confused.

later i found out from rudy it's a cheena place. go figure.

so later with rudy's help, we decided on movida. at like 8pm.

got a nice table, and then we ordered a jug. and some fried stuff.

and thats when the night began.

hahaa. which was super fun.

we talked, laughed... drank. drinks after drinks... and by 11 plus, i think we were quite high.

which was funny.

i got angry at him because he did something so lame and stupid. (which i can't mention here.) and then i was like scolding him. amidst the loud music and chaos. hahaha! and he was like sorry sorry sorry sorry.

actually what he did was no big deal. but i think i was high. hahahaha! thats why. damn funny.

so we were like crazy there. but i think the ladies at the next table were worst. they totally didn't know what they were doing.

dancing like crazy people and actually getting the waiter to stay with them.

funny.

 

then we went outside, away from the noise... and our high-ness soon died out. i think we both can hold our drinks pretty well.

stayed there for awhile... then went back to vivo... at like 3am.

then took a cab and reached home at 4am.

 

that was fun. but crazy. i had work at 11 and he at 10. so it was pretty whack.

 

well that was our day.

on wednesday, .... nothing much happened.

but i was really really tired at work.

 

on thursday, ...

thana met me after my work, and we rushed down to orchard to meet kuga during his short break.

we all had lunch at macs, then after kuga left, thana and i walked along orchard while i ate potato chips...

we walked around OC again, then went back to pasir ris.

had coffee and toast, then we went to NTUC where he helped me with his chef expertise to find ingredients to cook myself a soup. (;

then we we

nt home, and i cooked my soup.

 

on thursday night 4am/ friday morning...

i was talking to kuga on the phone and i got a bit upset so he came down at 5am plus from malaysia and we talked till it as 8 plus and i had to rush to work.

i worked at 9.

it was a miracle i got to work on time. like on the dot.

then, kuga came into coffee club. like he was the first customer. haha.

well at least that made my first hour eventful.

then he had to go to work, cos he started at 2...

in the evening, family and i went to bugis to have thai dinner with the rest of the family.

train was stupid. it was super delayed. in the end we dropped off at kembangan and took a cab.

 

on saturday,...

i was off.

went to aunty evie's house to blackjack the whole day.

went home at 10 after watching the first part of harry potter on tv.

 

on sunday...

went to work...

rushed to orchard to have lunch with kuga during his break...

went to tampines to attend church.

came home,

evening, went to mac donalds with kuga.

came home at 3am.

 

on monday,...

worked at 9 to 1.

met daddy at white sands.

went home together.

joana's birthday.

at night, went to airport.

ate lots of ice cream.

talked on phone with kuga for ages.

 

on tuesday, ...

off. stayed home with delilah.

at night, went mac donalds with kuga at white sands.

walked home.

nice.,

reached home at 4.

 

which was killer because,

on wednesday,

i worked at 9am.

till 2.30pm.

and i felt like dying.

 

on thursday,

which was yesterday.

i stayed home, and stared to read A Walk to Remember

and at night, kuga wanted to meet me, but i pushed him away.

 

and TODAY,

i think i'll meet him. (:

 

p.s. christmas is starting to show its presence... tv shows are airing their xmas episodes. =/

 

p.p.s. i dreamt of martin today. =/

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posted by louiza darling @ 17:58
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title: Just when i thought the day had ended,
date: Monday, July 13, 2009

It's 6 plus in the morning. And i gotta get up for work in a bit. But i'm lying here blogging on my phone cos something spectacular just happened.

i just had the most amazing arousing phone call. I don't want to use the term 'phone sex' cos that just reminds me of corny service lines, and high school movies.

on the contrary, this was very different. It was so sweet. Even though we haven't really conquered 2nd base, (and i don't plan to in the near future..) he could more or less pinpoint what i would like etc.. Based on my personality and mindset.

yeah sounds so scientific and analytical. But it was so.. nice.. It lasted like almost 2hours. Ecstasy just by talking.

in fact, i'm still trying to catch my breath.

it was so sweet of him. To call me from his family visit in malaysia, at 4plus in the morning, and make me feel like that.

rudy once told me, i should have fun and flirt.. Have phone sex. Cos it's 'nice'. And i just laughed it off.

now i know what he meant.

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posted by louiza darling @ 06:13
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title: over the phone
date:

you're so far away, in the capital of another country.

but still, you can make my heart race, and my lungs gasp for air.

i never ever touched myself, but over the phone, you touch me like as if you're here.

and i still think the age gap is so damn sexy.

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posted by louiza darling @ 01:21
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title: of fogs and rain
date: Monday, July 06, 2009

i had an awesome day today.

honestly everything went so great, i can't really find an imperfection in anything.

anyway, time now is 4.25am so i'm going to make this quick.

i gotta try to sleep asap cos tomorrow there's a lunch party at aunty evie's place.

looks like i can't watch ice age 2 today.

i watched ice age last night. (:

for kuga of course. cos he wants me to bring him to ice age 3. and i want to know everything about the series first before i watch it.

if not for kuga, i wouldnt even have anything to do with the series. since the first movie, it never managed to even get a silver of my attention. and now i'm so enthusiastically rushing to watch it.

-_-

the things love does to you.

but i must say, i'm pretty impressed. it wasn't too bad. in fact, i think i actually like it. which is so contrary to what i was predicting. A BORING MOVIE. like chicken little. which i must say i give 2/5.

so for ice age, i give it 5/5.

and i'm officially in love with diego. he's so cool and fierce.

and his fangs are like wow.

so i was like all gushing over diego last night, feeling sad that he didn't exist. then i realized, I HAVE MY OWN LION!

then i felt much better. haha.

 

anyway, back to today's story, i went to church with parents.

then, trained to orchard where i was supposed to meet thanaskodi and kuga for their break.

i was early, so i decided to shop at borders.

after meeting up, we ate and mac donalds...

then kuga and i left thana there. we went for our alone time.

(:

 

was raining really heavily so subsequently, we were virtually trapped in wisma/ngee ann. for like more than an hour.

couldnt go anywhere else without risking the downpour. i wanted to go to paragon. but there was just no way. it was raining like mad.

 

nevertheless, i was not bored for a second. being stuck with kuga is fun. he bought me a cranberry bun! hehe. and for some reason, we kept browsing aldo outlets.

i think it's a sign. haha.

 

finally, i got sick of wisma. the downpour had succumbed to rain. (yes still raining)

we had one hour to go before kuga had to get back to work.

thats when i gave up.

screw this, i'm going to walk in the rain. out of here.

 

so we walked out, with no destination in mind.

laughing and playing as we walked. (me shielding myself with a stupid small plastic bag. that of the cranberry bun)

tumblr

 

then halfway still in the rain, kuga wanted ice cream, and i felt the comforting urge for a long black. so i brought him to my usual tcc haunt, and ordered him a double scoop of chocolate ice cream with whipped cream. he was soo cute eating ice cream like that. haha.

 

finally, he had to get back. (it was still raining.) i went back to tanglin too. cos i wanted to get some stuff from my locker.

soo, after kissing him goodbye outside the locker rooms and then parting ways, i took my shoe bag from my locker, and made my way to the gates of tanglin.

 

i was about to cross the gates, when i noticed a familiar shape sitting at the far end of the yard. where people usually hung out during their breaks.

i walked over to investigate and was so damn happy when my beliefs were confirmed. that it was thana!

 

so i talked to him, then ashraf came, talked to him too. then thanaskodi got really jealous about that and actually went one corner to sulk. so cute.

then i left soon after cos someone i didnt want to see came.

 

then, i realized i lost my ipod.

it had been in my front pocket of my jeans the whole day. and i reckon it fell out as kuga and i were walking around town.

with orchard being so crowded on sundays, i knew i would have no chance of finding it even if i tried. i wouldn't even know where to start looking.

so with a sense of retirement, i accepted that fate, and just made my way to the station. was feeling rather useless. sick of losing valuables.

surprisingly though, i didn't really feel damn depressed. i was just exhausted from the occurrence of yet another loss. but i wasn't like sad sad.

 

and then, i realized why.

i had too good of a day to be really sad over this.

and then i realized another thing.

the last time i lost my mp3, i too had a damn nice day. which couldn't allow me to feel a tad sad over the loss. refer to the post on 24th may last year.

 

so i guess, it was a good time to lose a valuable. when i'm happy.

it would have sucked a hell lot more if i lost it on a retarded day in which everything was going wrong.

so i guess, i was marginally lucky.

 

things got a lot lighter in the train on the way home, when thanaskodi called me and started complaining that he didn't like how i kept talking to ashraf. hahaa. that boy. he made me laugh so hard, it was literally impossible to feel anything negative.

 

at home, had dinner with mummy, vicente and delilah.

after delilah had had her bath, we coloured together in her new colouring book. (: funnn

 

then she slept, at like 1 am.

then thanaskodi called, and made me happy some more!

fyi, he had compliments today from customers. really proud of him.

 

he made me happy, and actually said my hair was nice today. very pretty. (:

 

then, i finished up reading One Fifth Avenue. i give it 5/5

 

and now, i'm going to wash my face, and finally sleep.

good night world.

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posted by louiza darling @ 05:01
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title: first and last
date: Saturday, July 04, 2009

tumblr.

 

6.30am. i'm waiting for 7.30. to wake baby up. cos he works at 10.

we talked practically the whole night.

yeah not all, but practically.

we started around 10?

then at 1, he "disappeared" and was absent for 3 hours.

valid reason though.

but as usual, i got all sulky when calls finally resumed at 4am.

but baby's really really the MOST patient ever.

MOST patient. really.

i told him before, if i were him, i already would have killed me. the louiza.

 

anyway, tonight was the first time i got angry.

no it wasn't cos i had to wait 3 hours.

it was something else.

and i'm still feeling sorry for being angry. i'm not the kind of person that gets angry. in fact, i rarely lose my temper.

at anyone.

so to do that to baby, well now i feel bad.

 

one day, i'm going to lose kuga.

why?

cos i'm such a brat.

i don't know why he's so damn patient with me. really

and i'm really becoming convinced it's cos he's older. like, not bothered anymore to engage in petty petty rubbish.

like when you're older, takes more to piss you off.

notice that?

like parents, no matter how you whine and complain about them, they will just be steadfast about their decision, while keeping a cool head.

 

kay kuga's not that old. he's 24.

but i think he's mature. he's gone through a lot. living by himself, since like 18 or 19.

 

let's hope he's got the unconditional love of a parent.

otherwise, i think i am going to lose him.

(:

 

anyway, all's settled. so now i'm just waiting for 7.30. ho humm...

 

we talked about his family! here's the conversation. GO READ!! VERY FUNNY!

at my tumblr www.frenchkisses.tumblr.com

 

anywayyy, thana came back today!!!

and we had a threesome again!!!!

on the phone of course. our signature conference filled with ultimate chaos and 100% funny hysteria.

 

okayy 40 mins to go.

 

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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posted by louiza darling @ 06:53
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title: Fawning on Louiza
date: Friday, July 03, 2009

let me share something with you guys.

something that happened to me today.

something that will probably show you guys the kind of person i am. more specifically, the kind of girlfriend i am.

but more importantly, this event made me realize a lot about kuga. and the kind of boyfriend he is.

______________________

 

okay so, last night, i didn't talk to kuga after he went back to his house in malaysia.

because apparently, he cleaned his house after arriving home from work, and then was too tired he fell right to sleep.

he did text me though, that he was tired.

then i think he KO-ed.

 

so, louiza's not used to this. cos every night, kuga says good night.

but oh wells, i decided to be reasonable. to not pout, or sulk. i was understanding.

 

you might be thinking, "so why is it a big deal?"

 

reason being, i like to be spoilt like that.

AND ALSO, by some unfortunate coincidence, this wasn't the first time. for the past couple of nights, i had not really gotten regular calls after his work at night because friends have been needing his help with errands and stuff.

and no! i never once felt sulky about that. cos his friends are also my friends. and i'm glad baby's really helpful.

nevertheless, after consecutive nights, the trend of absent communication gets noticed and the pout ability in me gets somewhat triggered.

BUT DESPITE THAT, see! i was understanding. didn't sulk.

instead, i watched movies all night, (chick-flicks) while hugging the big bear he gave me.

 

 

BUT THIS MORNING, his call at 10am woke me up. and while i was still half-asleep, i recalled him talking very sleepily, then suddenly, he just hung up! after saying he has a very bad headache, he'll call me back.

okay, maybe it was because i was sleepy, so my reason wasn't functioning. but at that moment, i began to pout!

yes, his headache might have been really genuine. but i guess, i let the spoilt monster in me take over at that moment.

don't get me wrong, i never ever doubted his love.

it's just the unreasonable brat in me.

 

 

so, at that moment, i started to plot.

plot a plan!

like in my mind were these thoughts. (in no particular order)

why on earth am i waiting for him to call me!

he only calls when he wants to! and i have to wait wait wait wait! (totally not true, but at 10am after only 3 hours of sleep, i was convinced this was the ultimate truth)

he's forgotten me, and i DON'T LIKE THIS!

i dont want to be vulnerable! like the weak one! waiting and waiting and waiting. and being all affected!

CONCLUSION : I AM GOING TO BE STRONG! AND NOT ALLOW THIS WEAKNESS TO ENSUE!

 

 

as u can see, it was all rubbish.

number one, i don't really wait long for him.

number two, even if i have to wait, it's always for a legitimate reason. and he always gets to me as soon as he can.

 

but still, i was already sulking and pouting. so i wanted to RISE UP and be strong and not allow my mood to be determined by whether his calls came or not.

 

so the plan was this.

for the whole day, whenever he calls, i'll say "I'M BUSY! I CAN'T TALK NOW!"

and then say bye.

 

you guys can even refer to my tumblr. cos thats where i updated on the progress of THE PLAN.

 

 

at first, it was very effective.

 

he called one hour later, and i said i was BUSY! and it caught him offguard.

 

but i hated doing it - as i knew i would the moment i started plotting. cos it's painful putting down the phone on my baby.

i always relish every second i get to talk to him on the phone. and now to charge in the opposite direction, was REALLY REALLY sad. ):

 

then he began calling again and again at intervals...

and i said the same thing!

and actually from the first call, he already knew something was up, cos "louiza never says she's busy except if she's bathing. but that one also, u will pick and let me know."

 

so i was glad. the plan was WORKING.

 

and it did for the hours to come. till like 4 plus.

i let my sad emotion waver my determination to be focused on the call routine.

 

i was missing him badly, so i talked more.

then when i realized i was flirting with the ENEMY, i quickly said BYE! and hung up!

 

and vowed to be stronger at the next encounter. (i actually posted about this on tumblr)

 

 

but all this time, baby was such a sweetie and a gentleman. apologizing and already guessing it was about the lack of calls.

 

and i just kept responding this in a whiny , "no, no need to apologize! you don't like to talk to me right?! so never mind! i will relieve you of that burden!" 

 

 

however, the plan finally failed. at 6.45 during his break.

he had gotten hold of me on the phone, and was explaining.

saying that, he really couldn't call, (something i already accepted as true. cos the hours awoke my reason. but i just wanted to see where this plan was going to go. for fun.) that he will improve on calling me, and that it wasn't a burden to contact me... he always tries his best to keep in touch with me.

even at work, he uses the tactics i used to employ to text him.

 

and THIS IS THE FALLEN MOMENT WHEN I LET THE PLAN DIE.

cos, then i excitedly went on and on about how i evaded the system... how i could text him. the tricks i used... where i hid my phone... where I hid to text him..

THEN, he said this. "yeah... i know... it must be so hard for you to lie and put down the phone on me... the whole day... i'm sorry baby."

 

 

and i was speechless.

"what do you mean?" i said, thinking it must be impossible.

then he said, "i know how you always love talking to me... you never say you're busy, you wait up for me to call you, and at work, you do everything to get me... so i know now, you're wanting to show me how you're all merajuk (malay for sulking)... and you're making yourself say you're busy. i know it makes you sad to have to put the phone down."

 

"and i can tell how hard it is."

 

and all i could say was. "omg. how could you have known."

 

cos, that was exactly what i was feeling. and i felt so touched.

here's a guy who, instead of getting annoyed, or just apologizing for his part, he was actually thinking about my real intentions, and my feelings. while i was conspiring to prove a point.

 

and despite knowing all this, he was still humouring me by apologizing.

 

then i pouted and whined, "i don't like this!  you ruined my plan!! " ):

 

and then he said, "haha. baby... baby louiza. you are childish, sweet, and nice. anger is not in you. so next time you want to act, please act more realistically. just now, you let yourself slip. you talked to me. then when you realized you were not in the correct direction, you suddenly said you're busy. soo cute la you."

 

 

"next time, if i know you're doing all this, i will come to your house and talk to you. so you don't need to hang up saying you're busy."

 

:(

 

see how silly i was.

 

i think it's the fact his older. like cheryl and i talked about.

more calm. so i can be the frisky terrier. while, he, the calm Doberman.

 

or maybe it's just me.

sometimes i really underestimate him.

______________________________________________________

 

 

anyway just for memory's sake.

today i had a lunch at my place so relatives came, and i blackjacked for a couple of hours.

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posted by louiza darling @ 02:53
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title: the 2nd month
date: Monday, June 29, 2009

kuga came by after work.

we went to downtown to get my coffee, but everything was close. of all the days.

so we walked home, and got coffee on the way...

then we talked at the park awhile. lucky we didnt go for a movie. kuga was like already drifting in and out of sleep just sitting there.

so we continued our conversation via international calling.

and just ended, at 5.30am.

now i'm just enjoying the company of vivian and ben online.

today, sunday, parents, vicente and i went for mass. then after mass, we had lunch at century square...

okay my post is all over the place, i think i shall sleep soon.

 

lovebite 14th June...

 

it's very cozy having a man in my life. one that really knows how to take care of me.

today i got scolding. for always asking him to leave. because he says he'll stay no matter what he has to go through.

but the scolding was in a nice gentlemanly way. (:

 

sadness is like rubbish that we have to throw away.

 

cute, baby, like small girl.

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posted by louiza darling @ 06:23
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title: i don't miss you
date: Saturday, June 06, 2009

"i miss you."

                   "i don't miss you."

"huh?? why???"

                   "cos if i miss you, then i'll feel really sad. if i miss you, i won't be able to do anything in life. i'll be too sad."

"okay i don't want you to be sad. so don't miss me."

 

how selfless is that.

if it were me, i'll already be fussing and getting angry that i'm not being missed.

 

 

but baby, you know that even though i don't want to miss you, i can't help myself but to miss you dearly.

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posted by louiza darling @ 00:23
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title: more darnest things.
date: Wednesday, June 03, 2009

i want you to die first. i don't want to die first cos if not, no one will be around to take care of you.

                   then??? you're going to live alone??? ):

no after you die, i will die one second later.

 

 

yesterday

from 3 since work ended, i kept talking and talking about the latest happenings in my life. on and on.

then after an hour plus, in the train on the way home, i realized that i had been talking and talking non stop.

why is it that i have so much things to tell you but you like have nothing to tell me. *pout.

                      if you want me to tell you about yourself, sure i can do that.

 

 

 

 

i want you to win arguments. cos i don't want to lose you.

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posted by louiza darling @ 03:19
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title: starrs
date: Monday, June 01, 2009

the weather is SO so hot!

anyways, for record's sake. saturday was i'm sorry thank you day for thana and i. and kuga decided to come and EXTRA also. haha.

nahh he's just cute.

sunday, i did opening all by myself! in the dark. seriously. i feel so proud of myself.

actually, i was supposed to start work only at 11. but i decided to surprise baby who was doing opening at 10.

i came at 9.30 and did opening all by myself!!

first time! *feels proud.

after work, he brought me home. (: then went back for second shift. i love him.

last night talked to elfy.

today, i worked with him again. went to work early as well. we worked with aunty today. very fun for some reason.

after work, as he didn't have any break, i walked to macs to buy him food, then after passing it back to him, i went home.

at home, i had a damn long phone conversation with dad. not unusual. but yeah, awesome just the same.

and now, i'm just waiting to hear from kuga.

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posted by louiza darling @ 22:53
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title: break me out tonight
date: Saturday, May 30, 2009

at 9am, i was certain that i was going to have a sucky day.

i talked to kuga till like 6 plus. he said so so many nice things. today's our one month. and things had a funny way of happening.

at 9 am i was sad. and unable to call kuga, i called elfy. who was so nice to entertain my emoness despite being in the middle of a jungle. thank you thank you.

and at like 10 plus, baby called!! and really cleared my emoness and muddled thoughts. so by 11, i felt a bit better.

there was hope for the day.

i spent the rest of the morning watching cartoons with delilah and snacking. fyi to you guys, she's feeling much better from the fever she's been having past couple of days.

at this point of the day, i was neutrally content.

but what made me REALLY REALLY happy, was that as soon as he could, kuga called me again. and spoke to me for nearly an hour from malaysia. and made sure i was smiling and cheery before he hung up to have lunch.

he worked at 2.

i'm off today.

i had lunch that parents bought back, whilst surfing the net. things were rather relaxing today. watched a bit of tv too...

i had a productive day. cleaned room... folded my clothes... ironed my uniform... even helped daddy with the laundry.

not a bad day.

dinner was lamb steak.

thennn!!! THANASKODI AND BABY CAME TO MY HOUSE AFTER WORK!!!!

thanaskodi!!!! was so so happy to see him after so so long.

):

then they brought me to mac donalds. at white sands.

we were the only ones in the bus there. and thana and i were squabbling as usual. SUPER FUN! whilst kuga took care of me as usual.

squabbling didnt stop at macs. where kuga had to end up doing the ordering cos the two of us were too busy fighting. haha!

eating also compromised of arguing. i think we miss each other too much already. haha.

and my kuga actually fell asleep while we were arguing.

macs at night is nice. rather tranquil patrons around.

at 1.30am, we decided to leave cos someone was like dying already.

cabbed to my place, thana took the stuffs for the bike. kuga sent me up.

and i got to french kiss my baby after SO long. but pity it was like only a few minutes.

went home, and washed up... talked to parents. and now i'm here.

so,

what irony.

at 9am i thought my day was going to suck.

at 2am, i'm wishing i could play it all over again.

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posted by louiza darling @ 03:43
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title: i see a single bright starr
date: Thursday, May 28, 2009

okay i really have to control my mouth.

I TALK TOO MUCH TO KUGA OVER THE PHONE!!

and now its like 5.15am. ):

i feel bad.

and i really really LOVE kuga.

he really knows how to treat me properly.

and friday, i have a DATE with thanaskodi.

and kuga actually didn't ask to come cos he didn't want to interrupt us.

really i cant believe it.

he's so damn nice. and he trusts me so much.

but i persuaded baby that i wanted him to come... our lives are now joined. one. there's only us. so my outings are also his. and i want him around my life as much as possible.

no such things as interruptions. cos he's louiza as much as i am. (: in fact, he can go as my representative to anything. (:

i spent the whole night watching lipstick jungle. (still am actually)

I LOVE
KUGA.

am i crazy.

i think so.

and delilah was having a fever today. now she's okay. but the whole day whole family was worrying over her.

everyone loves her. (:

and kuga's worried too.

i am content.

LJ.

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posted by louiza darling @ 05:27
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title: day one of you gone.
date: Thursday, May 21, 2009

today, is day one of thana's leave.

i went to work, to work with not nice person again... zzz...never mind. the rest of the people were really nice.

i handled almost an hour of chaos.

really proud of myself...

then kuga came and made me happy... then i went home after work.

that's all for work today i guess.

then at home, in the evening went to mass with vicente...

then we went to eat like a hell lot.

didnt know my brother actually has manners. waited for my food to come after so many years before he started to eat.

then we also bought chocolate to eat in the bus on the way home.

(:

thats family for the day....

now on to the main feature.

thanaskodi.

he really made me happy the whole day.

like i was really dreading going to work... working with not nice person... and not having kuga around in the morning.. and thana in malaysia...

but he called me like almost at every point of the day!! from malaysia!

and reallly made me happy.

really.

it's like you're not gone.

(:

thanks.

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posted by louiza darling @ 23:25
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title: plain salmon burger
date:

just had supper.

started at 3.

before that, talked to kuga for two hours.

i feel sad.

thana's leave starts today. ):

won't be seeing him for a week.

won't be talking to him for a week. ):

and i've grown so accustomed to talking to him on the phone almost everyday.

and also conferencing with him and kuga. the funness. the chaos. priceless.

work's stupid these days in the morning. don't really like who i work with in the morning past couple of days. but i'm trying to belt it in.

i think i'm doing fine.

and either ways, when thana comes, then kuga, they never fail to make me feel loads better.

but i guess for the next week to come, i'll only be relying on boyfriend.

which is awesome!

selvam's going on leave too... he taught me how to set the terrace!! (:

boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend. i miss you.

k wait. need to message him.

k done.

now, my number two. thanaskodi.

okay done.

now back to kuga starr.

okay done. now back to blogging.

so yeah, gonna miss the absentees.

and i love kuga. how he trusts me so much...

LJ.

he's MY man.

p.s. feels guilty that cos of me he waited 1 and a half hours at the roadside.

today, went out with vicente and delilah. we seem to do that a lot often.

fun.

and yeah supper.

daddy put out for me as usual. (: even though he was super tired.

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posted by louiza darling @ 04:11
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title: wheels and deals
date: Tuesday, May 19, 2009

number 1, i miss thanaskodi. i have his sim card with me that kuga happily took. so i cant contact him. ): despite him working later at the same time as me. 11am. ugh.

all kuganesen's fault.

number two, i didnt sleep. the most i just had a few hours of shut eye. mostly talked to kuga and thanaskodi on the phone in the wee hours of the morning. then at 4 plus kuganesen decided to come over. and i just came home not too long ago.

having breakfast now - a long black and crackers. will have to get ready for work soonish.

blah

oh and i just had a chat with daddy.

i just sorta told him about kuga? i think???! =/

so weird!

cos he wanted to know who i went breakfast with. then i said - kuga.

then he went "that indian guy that day?" (daddy had a glimpse of kuga on the night he brought over muffin - refer to appendix succeeding this post)

then i was like "err... ya..."

"did you ride the motorbike!? you better don't... all it takes is one accident. you either die or become a vegetable" (from young i have been wired to be anti-motorbike, just like anti-cigs. daddy has a lot of friends who died from motorbike accidents. daddy hung around with people like this when he was young. he himself got into an accident. lucky didnt die.)

"i swear to God i didnt. i just went nearby..."

"tsk... i never asked u to swear to God... i just asking..."

"don't worry lah daddy... from young already i know..."

"yeah yeah... you know you know..... this guy, muslim or hindu?"

"huh??!"

"muslim or hindu??"

"err... hindu? why!"

(this is where i start to get a shock...)

"cos if muslim, you better not waste your time... if go in to deep, will have a lot of trouble with converting... if there's ever a future."

*feels weird having this conversation... cos from martin till this moment, daddy has always been anti-whatever guy louiza may like.

louiza goes, "err okay..."

*daddy walks off.

so what does this mean???! daddy dont mind if i finally have a boyfriend?? hahaha.

fyi, none of my family except vicente knows i'm attached.

appendix

when kuga came to give me the muffin at like 1 am, daddy was like "he came all the way here from orchard just to give you that muffin???"

then he asked how was he going home at such a time...

and i said he rode his bike here.

p.s. i tag this under eyecandy as well cos my kuga will always be MY eyecandy.

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posted by louiza darling @ 08:32
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title: friends dying together.
date: Saturday, May 16, 2009

awesome awesome awesome day yet again.

morning worked with eloisa and raja... but then, at 2, thanaskodi came!! and i set the high-tea for him. (:

made him happy. and he called me cleverr. haha. (:

then kuga came!

but i went for break.

hung out at the cafeteria with the handsome manager, indra and the barman. talked and talked about stuff... soccer.. malaysia... roller coasters. hahaa. damn funny.

then, at 4, selvam appeared!!! the member of the dream team that has been so MIA for so long.

so the prior party took their leave, and i was left with selvam. and we talked and talked about cake. haha.

i had break till 6 you see.

then the best part.

thana came at 5!!!

so it was like suddenly so damn fun. hahaa. being with them is awesome. those two. always fighting. much to my amusement.

then, 6 came. i went back to work. set terrace for kuga. i think i did quite a good job. (: all by myself.

but then baby came to help me either ways. even though it was his break. haha.

first time i worked at terrace with kuga as a non-enemy.

yup last i worked with him there, we were still fighting non-stop. and today's work was nice. despite having a retarded headache that maintained itself throughout.

was really hungry... thana really took care of me.

then, after work, thana and i took a cab home. i dropped him at his place...

and at my place, kuga surprised me by turning up! hahaa.

i miss that boy so so so much.

came home at 1.30am... talked to thana till 3! then went to bathe.... and now i'm still awake... dont wanna sleep... ):

but i guess i have to. gotta wake up for college day.

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posted by louiza darling @ 04:58
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title: all tangled up
date: Friday, May 15, 2009

worked with eloisa and raja today. and sy.

then at 2, thana came...

then kuga...

i scalded my hand with hot water...

had briefing at 3...

then went to tangles to visit thana.

which was awesome.

LJ

oh i cabbed to work today. couldnt wake up.

and last night, had so many conferences with kuga and thana.

damn funny and chaotic. many a time, things were so incomprehensible. cos all three of us were talking - or rather shouting - our own kind of things at the same time.

thana: louiza starr maria alexandra joseph!! louiza starr maria alexandra joseph!!! louiza starr maria alexandra joseph!!!

kuga: can i say something? i want to say something first! i want to say something! can i say something!?!

louiza: can you two keep quiet?!! shhhh!!! wait wait!!! one by one!! hahaha! i dont understand!

now play the manuscript simultaneously.

result: chaos.

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posted by louiza darling @ 01:40
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title: Chemicals React.
date: Thursday, May 14, 2009

super fun. i just finished like almost half an hour of conferencing with thanaskodi and kuga! (; (:

super super fun! i love them really.

anyway, today at work, worked with christina.

then stayed longer with muraly and kuga.

then, kuga brought me to mac donalds!

okay i'm going to clear out my bag.

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posted by louiza darling @ 00:30
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