jellybeanies
icon, resources, host, host.

hello sadness.

remember me?

it’s been so long since we last met like this.

and i cherish the times you were not around.

i have to admit, i forgot the immensity of your power.

i forgot how you could just overwhelm my being, no matter how hard i try to ignore and push you away.

your cold heavy iron fingers have the ability to creep into my chest and pull every part of my body towards it, weighing me down, stopping me from doing anything else, and forcing me to just curl up in defeat shivering from your cold.

and the more i tried to pull away, the stronger your grip got on me. till it becomes hard to breathe. till all i can manage are short painful breathes.

i forgot it all. for 24 turns of the calendar, you have spared me.

but no worries, you have given me a strong reminder.

your presence so firm, that now i forget the happiness i felt after you left, the strength i had.

now i’m weak in your mercy, and yes i’m fighting.

but of course, you’re unforgiving. the more i fight the more you tug.

so lets make a deal, for old times’ sake.

i’m not gonna fight you, i’m not gonna resist. i’m not gonna avoid, or pretend you don’t exist.

no, you’re too smart for that.

i’m just going to accept you, like a long lost friend.

and i am going to live with you as i go about my life.

i have no energy to force you away, or sustain the increase of pain that you respond with.

so lets leave it on this level, let’s be companions in silence.

i’ll be patient, i’ll breathe easy.

i’ll wait till you get bored of me and till you go away.

sadness, oh sadness. welcome to my life.

i hope you enjoy your stay.

Labels: 80%, JKR, wordsmagicallyspun

I remember very clearly the first time I ever experienced great satisfaction. Chills of awe spread through my body as I glided my fingers from the top of the cover to its bottom, soaking in the image I saw before me. My left hand fiddled with the spine as my mind acknowledged reality. It had to be real. After all, it was my name imprinted in bold on the cover along with the title that I picked, which I made sure sounded official enough. I turned the page over, and read the items on the content page; each word was carefully chosen from the average amount of vocabulary I possessed. After all, these subtitles apparently had to “attract the reader”. As a thin smile of pride appeared on my face, I slowly flipped the pages, dazzled by how filled each of them was. Again, I felt amateurishly satisfied by how “official” my pages looked. They had footnotes, citations, and everything I thought professional authors employed in their writing. Finally, I got to the conclusion. With nostalgia overwhelming my senses, I slowly read the last sentence. I could not help but feel delighted in the witty way that I ended my work with. Then I was brought to the bibliography which of course, was what professional authors also had. It took nine months. Nine months of research, of drafting, of more research. These nine months was also filled with much frustration, laughs and enlightenment. But it was worth it. I now held in my hands a copy of my very first thesis, ready to be submitted to Cambridge for my A levels. That, is the first time I ever experienced great satisfaction.

Labels: JKR, WestBev

maybe it was the bad combination of pms and stress. whatever the case was, the past week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me - with more dips than highs.

i think i've just been so stress with the sudden academic load, my period went all screwed. and, the Pms came in an extreme form. one week. even when my period was already ongoing. really screwed.

i've been feeling so irritable, so depressed, and damn sad. i've been picking on every single thing, and i must admit that the person who got hit most was kuga. i don't think there wasn't a day this week that i did not give him trouble.

yes. i gave him trouble. not "we fought". cos seriously i still think he's superhuman. i cant recall ever fighting or arguing with him once in the past 4 months we've been together. and throughout the week, he's been relentlessly trying to make me feel better whenever i seriously felt like crap. which i must say, was 80% of the time. and 100% of those times, i had unreasonable reasons.

i was whining so much, starting up issues which, when i think only rationally and when i push PMS aside with great effort, were actually not issues at all. like, "i hate how you hung up". "why'd you take so long to pick up". nonsense like that.

he never got pissed with me, lost his patience, or argued back. for some irrational reason, i was always right. he only tried to make me happy, very often putting me above his own welfare, and yes i must say he did succeed each time. but oh-retarded-me will very soon after, start up another issue again.

pms for a week. i think i'm crazy.

well, yesterday was no different. and though he was damn tired after work, he came over and took me out just cos "i think you dont love me". seriously i'm retarded.

and yeah, needless to say whilst we were out, i had to ruin the peace with my "i think you're bored with me". which led to me really really getting depressed.

but he never left my side.

it took the whole night to get me happy again. he didnt leave until i was okay. he didnt leave till 9am. he started work at 10am.

baby just called. i'm gonna end things here. not only this post, but my pms. i'm going to force myself to get out of this spiral for him. cos he's amazing and his attributes are stuff money can't buy.

Labels: Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, jammers, JKR, kuga starr

you're so far away, in the capital of another country.

but still, you can make my heart race, and my lungs gasp for air.

i never ever touched myself, but over the phone, you touch me like as if you're here.

and i still think the age gap is so damn sexy.

Labels: eyecandy, JKR, kuga starr, phone dates, wordsmagicallyspun

let me share something with you guys.

something that happened to me today.

something that will probably show you guys the kind of person i am. more specifically, the kind of girlfriend i am.

but more importantly, this event made me realize a lot about kuga. and the kind of boyfriend he is.

______________________

 

okay so, last night, i didn't talk to kuga after he went back to his house in malaysia.

because apparently, he cleaned his house after arriving home from work, and then was too tired he fell right to sleep.

he did text me though, that he was tired.

then i think he KO-ed.

 

so, louiza's not used to this. cos every night, kuga says good night.

but oh wells, i decided to be reasonable. to not pout, or sulk. i was understanding.

 

you might be thinking, "so why is it a big deal?"

 

reason being, i like to be spoilt like that.

AND ALSO, by some unfortunate coincidence, this wasn't the first time. for the past couple of nights, i had not really gotten regular calls after his work at night because friends have been needing his help with errands and stuff.

and no! i never once felt sulky about that. cos his friends are also my friends. and i'm glad baby's really helpful.

nevertheless, after consecutive nights, the trend of absent communication gets noticed and the pout ability in me gets somewhat triggered.

BUT DESPITE THAT, see! i was understanding. didn't sulk.

instead, i watched movies all night, (chick-flicks) while hugging the big bear he gave me.

 

 

BUT THIS MORNING, his call at 10am woke me up. and while i was still half-asleep, i recalled him talking very sleepily, then suddenly, he just hung up! after saying he has a very bad headache, he'll call me back.

okay, maybe it was because i was sleepy, so my reason wasn't functioning. but at that moment, i began to pout!

yes, his headache might have been really genuine. but i guess, i let the spoilt monster in me take over at that moment.

don't get me wrong, i never ever doubted his love.

it's just the unreasonable brat in me.

 

 

so, at that moment, i started to plot.

plot a plan!

like in my mind were these thoughts. (in no particular order)

why on earth am i waiting for him to call me!

he only calls when he wants to! and i have to wait wait wait wait! (totally not true, but at 10am after only 3 hours of sleep, i was convinced this was the ultimate truth)

he's forgotten me, and i DON'T LIKE THIS!

i dont want to be vulnerable! like the weak one! waiting and waiting and waiting. and being all affected!

CONCLUSION : I AM GOING TO BE STRONG! AND NOT ALLOW THIS WEAKNESS TO ENSUE!

 

 

as u can see, it was all rubbish.

number one, i don't really wait long for him.

number two, even if i have to wait, it's always for a legitimate reason. and he always gets to me as soon as he can.

 

but still, i was already sulking and pouting. so i wanted to RISE UP and be strong and not allow my mood to be determined by whether his calls came or not.

 

so the plan was this.

for the whole day, whenever he calls, i'll say "I'M BUSY! I CAN'T TALK NOW!"

and then say bye.

 

you guys can even refer to my tumblr. cos thats where i updated on the progress of THE PLAN.

 

 

at first, it was very effective.

 

he called one hour later, and i said i was BUSY! and it caught him offguard.

 

but i hated doing it - as i knew i would the moment i started plotting. cos it's painful putting down the phone on my baby.

i always relish every second i get to talk to him on the phone. and now to charge in the opposite direction, was REALLY REALLY sad. ):

 

then he began calling again and again at intervals...

and i said the same thing!

and actually from the first call, he already knew something was up, cos "louiza never says she's busy except if she's bathing. but that one also, u will pick and let me know."

 

so i was glad. the plan was WORKING.

 

and it did for the hours to come. till like 4 plus.

i let my sad emotion waver my determination to be focused on the call routine.

 

i was missing him badly, so i talked more.

then when i realized i was flirting with the ENEMY, i quickly said BYE! and hung up!

 

and vowed to be stronger at the next encounter. (i actually posted about this on tumblr)

 

 

but all this time, baby was such a sweetie and a gentleman. apologizing and already guessing it was about the lack of calls.

 

and i just kept responding this in a whiny , "no, no need to apologize! you don't like to talk to me right?! so never mind! i will relieve you of that burden!" 

 

 

however, the plan finally failed. at 6.45 during his break.

he had gotten hold of me on the phone, and was explaining.

saying that, he really couldn't call, (something i already accepted as true. cos the hours awoke my reason. but i just wanted to see where this plan was going to go. for fun.) that he will improve on calling me, and that it wasn't a burden to contact me... he always tries his best to keep in touch with me.

even at work, he uses the tactics i used to employ to text him.

 

and THIS IS THE FALLEN MOMENT WHEN I LET THE PLAN DIE.

cos, then i excitedly went on and on about how i evaded the system... how i could text him. the tricks i used... where i hid my phone... where I hid to text him..

THEN, he said this. "yeah... i know... it must be so hard for you to lie and put down the phone on me... the whole day... i'm sorry baby."

 

 

and i was speechless.

"what do you mean?" i said, thinking it must be impossible.

then he said, "i know how you always love talking to me... you never say you're busy, you wait up for me to call you, and at work, you do everything to get me... so i know now, you're wanting to show me how you're all merajuk (malay for sulking)... and you're making yourself say you're busy. i know it makes you sad to have to put the phone down."

 

"and i can tell how hard it is."

 

and all i could say was. "omg. how could you have known."

 

cos, that was exactly what i was feeling. and i felt so touched.

here's a guy who, instead of getting annoyed, or just apologizing for his part, he was actually thinking about my real intentions, and my feelings. while i was conspiring to prove a point.

 

and despite knowing all this, he was still humouring me by apologizing.

 

then i pouted and whined, "i don't like this!  you ruined my plan!! " ):

 

and then he said, "haha. baby... baby louiza. you are childish, sweet, and nice. anger is not in you. so next time you want to act, please act more realistically. just now, you let yourself slip. you talked to me. then when you realized you were not in the correct direction, you suddenly said you're busy. soo cute la you."

 

 

"next time, if i know you're doing all this, i will come to your house and talk to you. so you don't need to hang up saying you're busy."

 

:(

 

see how silly i was.

 

i think it's the fact his older. like cheryl and i talked about.

more calm. so i can be the frisky terrier. while, he, the calm Doberman.

 

or maybe it's just me.

sometimes i really underestimate him.

______________________________________________________

 

 

anyway just for memory's sake.

today i had a lunch at my place so relatives came, and i blackjacked for a couple of hours.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, cher, eyecandy, JKR, kuga starr, No Reservations, nostalgia, phone dates, wordsmagicallyspun

they always say the best philosophy to living is live life as if it was your last day.

and i always thought, how cliche.

anyway, let me begin by blogging about yesterday. my day ended at 5 am this morning. so naturally i was too tired to blog if i was going to blog lucidly.

as usual, i reported to work at 11 sunday morning. worked with eloisa and muraly. and aunty.

by an unexpected string of events, yesterday turned out to by my last day working there.

and no, whilst working, i had no clue of that.

it was fixated in my mind that the following day - monday - aka today, was going to be my last day.

i had it all planned out.

i would relish everything i did, every detail, soak in every bit of environment. and most importantly, say an appreciative goodbye to EVERYONE i knew. because really, if there's anything i enjoyed very much from that place, was the friendships i've made with everyone.

so, no. because i didn't know that it was my last day, i didnt get to do all that.

and now, leaving that place, i feel like a significant part of me is heavy.

i guess that normal. the nostalgic immediate phase when one leaves an association, school, etc.

but i was lucky.

firstly, pardon the outright manner, i have good memory.

so, i can recall almost everything that happened yesterday. they're still fresh in my mind.

and secondly, most dearly, yesterday for almost 2 hours, i got to work with both thana and kuga.

thats like the dream team. minus selvam. but he also came up for a bit.

well, i couldnt have asked for anything more as a last day that i wasn't even aware of.

it was SUPER fun.

thana and i were fighting fighting as usual.

kuga was being his cute self, entertaining our nonsense.

and operation was so smooth.

i was inside the bar, and kuga outside.

he took orders and ran the items. i did the drinks. thana the food.

and i moved so fast, thana kept making fun of me.

but the 3 of us handled everything.

NO JAM.

and i'm very proud of that.

so i didn't know it was my last day, thana didn't get to make for me a fluffy. (go to mc cafe and order a fluffy. you'll know what i mean.)

BUT, most fortunately, thana made me an AWESOME (as usual) sandwich. and if that's the last food of his i'm going to eat for a long time, then i cant be any happier.

and at 5, i walked off, not taking the trouble to really say bye to everyone. because they were busy handling new orders, and i had no idea i was never going to walk there as barista/waitress ever ever again.

(okay suddenly my breathing's getting heavy and painful)

 

*takes a few deep breaths

 

moving on,

it was later in the evening. 10pm, that muraly called and told me he shifted the roster around. which meant i didnt need to come in for work today. (monday)

and so then it hit me, that i didn't have the last day i wanted.

and i was pretty bummed about that.

but it was even later that night, that my two favourite boys decided to show up!

yup! thana and kuga came down!

and i don't know whether it was cos they knew i was sad, but either ways, i was EXTREMELY happy!

from my place, we walked to the pond. where we had drinks and talked.

and the WHOLE time thana and i were bickering and fighting as usual. sometimes people at work find it hard to believe we're best friends.

and everytime at work when we fight, eloisa will scold us.

haha.

anyways, we had some fries and burger too.

it was really peaceful. we were like the only ones there.

then we took the long route home.

talked along the way....

i really felt extremely happy upon going home. like even though they ended late, they took the trouble to come over.

i entered my house beaming like a crazy person.

and so, the saying goes live life as if it was your last day.

i finally realize how precious that saying is. cliche is but miles away.

and i did tell my boys, that i really felt down that i hadn't known my last day had passed. i didn't get to do the things i wanted. didn't get to say goodbye.

and then baby said, it's never too late to go back and change that.

Labels: Angela Ferilli, eyecandy, JKR, Knights Ridge, kuga starr, No Reservations, nostalgia, this chapter is called..., wordsmagicallyspun

Baby and shakespeare.

 

(louiza and kuga sees couple wearing identical teeshirts.)

kuga : do you like wearing same stuff like that?

louiza : hmm... not say i like or don't like. i'm neutral. if it happens, i think it's cute. but don't worry i won't force you to do anything.

kuga : for me it's not whether i like or don't like. it's what you like. then i'll do.

louiza : hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

 

haven't blogged in a while. haven't really used the computer lately. been either out late, or catching up on sleep. kuga's been amazing to me - as always.

late night suppers... dates... even though he's like super exhausted after working till late.

ILOVEYOUBABY.

being the nice nice awesome gentleman.

 

like yesterday, we worked at terrace again. second time as non-enemy.

and he called me baby!! haha like while working!! like in front of everyone. even manager.

like "baby can you help me do blahblahblah..."

made me really really smile!!

then when i asked "okayy now what you want me to do?"

then he says "do whatever you want."

made me feel so so so special. even though we were at work.

 

and he's so sexy. how he's like in-charge and everything...

and so strong. so sexy and tall carrying the super big tray.

 

haha okay i sound crazy.

 

and how he calls me the captain. - "anything let louiza handle. she's the captain."

and give me authority to let people go toilet.

hehehex.

even though i'm just a lousy part-timer.

Labels: 13 o'clock, eyecandy, grey's anatomy, JKR, kuga starr, Newport, No Reservations, wordsmagicallyspun

number 1, i miss thanaskodi. i have his sim card with me that kuga happily took. so i cant contact him. ): despite him working later at the same time as me. 11am. ugh.

all kuganesen's fault.

number two, i didnt sleep. the most i just had a few hours of shut eye. mostly talked to kuga and thanaskodi on the phone in the wee hours of the morning. then at 4 plus kuganesen decided to come over. and i just came home not too long ago.

having breakfast now - a long black and crackers. will have to get ready for work soonish.

blah

oh and i just had a chat with daddy.

i just sorta told him about kuga? i think???! =/

so weird!

cos he wanted to know who i went breakfast with. then i said - kuga.

then he went "that indian guy that day?" (daddy had a glimpse of kuga on the night he brought over muffin - refer to appendix succeeding this post)

then i was like "err... ya..."

"did you ride the motorbike!? you better don't... all it takes is one accident. you either die or become a vegetable" (from young i have been wired to be anti-motorbike, just like anti-cigs. daddy has a lot of friends who died from motorbike accidents. daddy hung around with people like this when he was young. he himself got into an accident. lucky didnt die.)

"i swear to God i didnt. i just went nearby..."

"tsk... i never asked u to swear to God... i just asking..."

"don't worry lah daddy... from young already i know..."

"yeah yeah... you know you know..... this guy, muslim or hindu?"

"huh??!"

"muslim or hindu??"

"err... hindu? why!"

(this is where i start to get a shock...)

"cos if muslim, you better not waste your time... if go in to deep, will have a lot of trouble with converting... if there's ever a future."

*feels weird having this conversation... cos from martin till this moment, daddy has always been anti-whatever guy louiza may like.

louiza goes, "err okay..."

*daddy walks off.

so what does this mean???! daddy dont mind if i finally have a boyfriend?? hahaha.

fyi, none of my family except vicente knows i'm attached.

appendix

when kuga came to give me the muffin at like 1 am, daddy was like "he came all the way here from orchard just to give you that muffin???"

then he asked how was he going home at such a time...

and i said he rode his bike here.

p.s. i tag this under eyecandy as well cos my kuga will always be MY eyecandy.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, God, JKR, kuga starr, No Reservations, phone dates

here's one reason why i dont like to feel for someone or like someone too much.

i'll have to go through missing them

i don't like missing someone in this manner.

it's sad, and it occupies a lot of my emotional consciousness.

to have 75% of your mind wondering is a bit burdensome.

the feeling creeps and affects everything else you're trying to do.

i don't like having to feel like this. which is why i've been staying away from the whole relations shebang.

i sound heartless don't i.

but here's a bit of heart.

missing is good. it show you care enough to be dragged down into feeling something rather gloomy. just for that person. i'd be flattered too.

but,

(here's the negative relationship-pessimistic side of me)

what if at the end of the day it all ends and nothing comes out of all the effort.

then to go along with the devastation of the split, you have a whole awareness of wasted efforts missing that person when you could have used all that energy doing something else more worthwhile.

okay now i sound selfish right.

but that's only cos i know how sucky that aforementioned circumstance feels.

i've gone through it before, and whatever that's losable, i've already lost. so likewise, i also know the potential extent of losses one can go through.

all because, i put in 200% effort. i put in 200% emotion. i put in 200% time.

martin was my life, there was no martin and life. it was just one big metamorphosis.

so now, i have to remain focused, and maintain a life and emotions galore. i can't mix the two, until i know that the one inhabiting in the latter space is worthy enough to cross over.

yes, people, i'm not that heartless after all.

because at the end of the day, being with someone IS about making them a big part of your life. furthermore, in louiza's book, being with someone IS about making them YOUR life. since i'm all spoilt and everything.

okay i feel dirty, and not nice, i'm going to bathe now.

buhbye.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Aliens Exist, JKR, louiza speaks, muse

Nothing feels wrong

when down goes up.

Nothing feels wrong, too,

when neutrality sings.

But

Nothing feels right

when up goes down.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, JKR, Knights Ridge, the boy, wordsmagicallyspun

jump out of bed and come have breakfast with me
matters not what you're wearing and i pray same goes for me.
our hair tousled by the night of no sleep, won't you oh won't you
jump out of bed and come have breakfast with me

we'll wear the first crazy garments we find
and race out our doors cos we want to beat time
now, it's still dark not for long, but no lets not believe so.
won't you oh won't you
jump out of bed and come have breakfast with me

we'll see each other and grin like kids do
on adventures of make believe
come on, lets go.
eat something, somewhere, and watch day unfold
the people, the rush, while we sit - they don't know
won't you please won't you
jump out of bed, and let's go.

we'll get giddy as the exhaustion creep in
and when the sun's up we'll finally part off to our beds
but for now, oh how i'd love to go
jump out of bed and come have breakfast as we.


ok i'm giddy.
let's order macs.

i'm giddy for real.

Labels: grey's anatomy, JKR, Knights Ridge, Newport, teenagers, the boy, wordsmagicallyspun

trying day for everyone at home.

i just hope i dont get any more frustrated.

i think the educated think differently. then there's the conflict between reason and pure convention. (thinks of msquek)

i admire those that independently go forward with reason despite facing opposition from the close conventional. a part of me wants to be like that. by yourself, and along with the sensible support of fellow intelligentsia, you know you're right. but a bigger part does not want to be that way, even though refusing only welcomes great frustration.

and what's holding me from escaping into reason is the fear of exclusion from something i hold dearest. the ties that bind, that are more valuable than any certainty and calm that reason will offer my mind.

i dont think i can be that cold to ignore the clutching ties.

but i still admire. cos when frustration heightens, that seems like the most superior solution. but the most independent.

hence i admire dumbledore and msquek.

caught in between two schools, two ideologies, i am constantly trying to reconcile the two vastly different realms.

in detail, that mainly consists of me struggling to enlighten the conventional to reason. but convention by nature is hard to persuade. and hence, it is emotionally frustrating for me.

many a time, i just want to conclude that they don't see like i do. anyway, the mechanism of logic fully convinces me i'm not wrong. but it's more complicated than that, cos firstly, there's emotions involved. people get hurt. and yes, i may think better. but, i will never want to live without convention. because, convention is loyal.

and i treasure them. that is why i don't give up. the persuasion, i do cos it's in my nature to be rational. i cannot live in ignorance of logic. i dont see why anyone should. i crave that the people i care about understand like i do.

i crave to be understood.

should convention change?  i want to say yes. but then, logic unexpectedly stops my conscious as well. why.. cos, maybe i'm not wise. i've learnt that wisdom is not logic. and, maybe convention is wiser. and maybe thats what counts?

i hope to be wise one day. i guess that comes with time. when i acquire that, i'll have both logic and wisdom. i wonder if they're compatible. instinct tells me no. but then again, something can be "logically wise"....

till then, i am who i am. learning where i walk. reason may be the path i'm taking right now. but i'm not going to lose anything valuable to it. even if that means i go through frustration.

 

 

 

okay. those are my thoughts. and now i think of vivian. about how "every visit to louiza's blog is to figure out what she's trying to say today".

i just had to get all of that out.

guess now i'll just go do something to make myself feel a bit better.

oh and, on a lighter note, i'm pretty touched by the number of concerned responses i got to my msn personal message yesterday - "you really broke my heart,"

just to be clear, no one broke my heart. (:

at least not recently that is.

that phrase is from Coldplay's The Hardest Part and it really hit me yesterday cos it's actually quite meaningful and relevant to my thoughts of late.

like how i'm all relationship phobia cos of him. and then i went to his school yesterday. and how, yet he treated me best.

amazing how someone's prints can last even after they're long gone from meaning.

then that song came into my head and it just amazed me how relevant it was to my mind.

nothing more.

 

so yes, sorry for worrying everyone. i'm totally fine.

but future bf, BEWARE.

many people will smash you if you break my <3

 

no pressure. haha.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, daddy, fallacy, hogwarts, JKR, jujubee, memory, muse, the boy, vivian

"za, please just follow me. i'll buy you whatever you want later."

"ugh, alright. quick, i havent got time for all this," i replied my brother as i reluctantly shut the screen of my laptop, pulling myself out of thoughts.

moments ago i was staring at emails, contemplating on whether i should even consider giving tuition to two people that were totally far away from me. in toa payoh, and jurong west.

grudgingly as mind fought laziness, i pushed myself off my bed where i was lying, grabbed my hp and made to follow vicente. but as i was about to exit my bedroom, i did a double take; having a sudden change of mind. deftly, i slid my IC out of my wallet and slipped it in my pocket. maybe i'll get vicente to pay for a vodka.

after reassuring mom's grumbles of changing vicente's hair "back to normal", vicente and i set off on our walk.

it was a bleak day - though i liked it. rain was pouring without hesitation and it was only seconds before i found myself walking in damp Charles&Keith slippers. having sacrificed my rubber reebok slippers to vicente, i was left in the aid of non-waterproof material that cloth had to offer.

but it didnt matter. umbrella in hand, we walked on; my feet automatically taking the route it knew too well. lazy as i am, i didn't allow my mind to register the walk. instead, i was lost in my mind. just blanking out and allowing my feet to subconsciously drag me there.

before i knew it, i was feet away from the L'OREAL studio. though i was still fazed out, i could feel strings of dread slowly creeping into my awareness.

"damnit vicent... what the hell am i to do while you do your hair....", i muttered. the multi-tasker in me instinctively made my eyes scourge the area for a newstand where i could buy a paper.

but before he could reply, we both stopped abruptly in our stride.

a weird sight stood before us. a queer one, that awoke me from whatever listlessness i was still dwelling in.

firstly, it has to be understood that my family and i are something like regulars in this saloon. and especially of late, with me going pink and vicente going down under, we had become considerably familiar with the group of ah lians and an elderly woman that ran the saloon. they were always there, and they knew us, and they did our hair, and talked in that cheenafied slang of theirs, recommending styles to us.

but today, it was different.

at the entrance where the woman and her posse usually stood, was a different group of people.

four guys. and the moment i saw them, the first thing that ran through my mind was the many Taiwanese/Korean/Japanese or wadever stars that my classmates in school always lavished about.

i can swear that they look like a cut out from a Taiwanese magazine thats brought to real life.

they were dressed that way. their hair was that way. and they were certainly of that age too.

i could feel the confusion diffusing from my brother beside me. obviously he was stunned too.

but obviously i wasn't going to show that i was suffering from sudden mental confusion. so i strode into the holding, followed closely by my brother.

"ohkayy vicente, tell them what you want," i managed; beginning with a short sigh. to my pleasure and relief, i sounded composed.

my brother unfortunately could not mask his uncertainty.

"um.. umm.... ah..... "

eventually he managed, and i walked deeper into the saloon; now following my brother who was being led by one of them.

as vicente sat down at a station, one of the guys said to me, "you can have a seat here". he motioned to a chair next to my brother.

"ah, its okay i'll just sit back here". i chose the seat nearest to me, that happened to be next to the counter.

the guy started to work on my brother's hair and as i settled in, i started to take register of my new-found surrounding company.

the guy working on vicente's hair had vivid blonde hair; the other three had black. nevertheless, they all sported the same kind of taiwanese hair. the thick, all-over-the-place-but-standing-at-some-parts kind.

again i repeated in my mind. they look like the cover of some taiwanese magazine...

any chinese-boyband-loving-chick would definitely find them cute.

me on the other hand, only one seemed to get a flicker of my attention. cos of one louiza-weakness that he had. the fierce ahbeng probably exgangster look.

tall, sharp angles, sharp looks. i'll say that to me, he's probably most noticeable. though like i said, i'm sure other girls will die for everyone of them.

even their clothes were taiwanese-star kind. overdressed much? i thought...

then i felt the contrast. cos there i was sitting in the clothes i jumped out of bed with.

a shabby oversized tpjc orientation shirt, and a pair of sleeping shorts. in my loathe of walking to follow vicente, i had not bothered to look nice.

ah wells nothing i can do about it now, i thought to myself.

then i realized that i wasnt the only one doing a visual examination. i realized that for the past one and a half minutes that i was sitting there, they were conversing in chinese with suspicious tones.

then one of them (not the gangster) broke the silence between me and them.

"you are.... what race?"

"oh eurasian...", i answered reluctantly. the perfectionist in my mind was thinking if i look like shit, i dont want to talk to you guys. this is not how i want to look like....

"mix ah?"

"err yeah."

i stopped there and silence followed. i told you i didnt want to talk if i look like shit.

but they were determined. and they kept asking questions... like my ancestry... how old i was....

and i just kept giving one word answers. cos i really had no mood to converse..

everytime i answered a question, they would have a mini discussion in chinese then one of them will strike another question to me again. but all the while, the gangster didnt ask me anything directly.

i was really starting to feel bored with the situation. they looked like a nice bunch of guys to talk to, but i just didnt feel like it...

then the gangster asked me, "you're not schooling anymore?"

and i said, "no...".

then seconds later, "oh why you dont want go poly or ite ah?"

i felt my eyebrows raise just a fraction.

then i said, "oh no, i just finished my A levels, now i'm waiting for the results..."

apparently his companions were confused. i heard them mutter to each other, "A levels...?"

then the gangster said to them "JC. JC."

then i heard their sudden excited mutters of sudden admiration.

but that wasnt gonna change the fact i still did not feel like talking so i just stared boringly at my umbrella as it left wet stains on the floor.

then i just didnt talk. maybe they got it, cos then a few left the gathering and went about doing their own thing. but still around though.

gangster sat himself next to me over the counter.

"A level, study till 19 ah?"

everyone who had departed now turned back at me. attention reborn.

i looked at them incredulously. i couldnt imagine why would any guy, what more a bunch of guys, take so much interest in a girl dressed in rubbish clothes.

so then i just loosened up a bit. i explained to them, that after i get results in march or april i would register for university (more excited mutters).

more questions came in, i guess they realized i was more willing to talk now... so they asked about my family... about school... blahblah.

then they stopped asking.

in my conscience i felt that they were really nice, to talk so much and ask so much questions about my life, i decided to interact a bit and ask the one question i was curious to ask since i stepped into the saloon.

"what happened to the bunch of ladies that work here?"

then one of them replied, "OH! YOU know them ah!!"

"yeah they did my hair."

"OH thats not extension ah? real pink ah? wow!"

"yup... so what happened to them?"

"oh, we dunno. they just told us to come here. so now they are gone and you have F4!"

i was just wondering who "they" was when that thought was disrupted by the "F4" comment.

i laughed.

then one asked, "you got boyfriend?"

"nope", i said more relaxed now.

"can i have your number?", the gangster said.

"uh... nah.... "

"eh! why no boyfriend!?"

"dunno... i just dont want..."

"sure got guys woo you right!"

"eh you like jap guys?!"

"eeeeeee no!"

"why?? a lot of girls like - "

"yeah!! i know all my friends like but i just HATE. i dont see wads so nice."

"this guy is JAP", gangster points at the blonde one.

"wha - really? for real?"

"NO LA! i just ACTING JAP ONLY"

*roars of laughter.

it was pretty fun i must say.

found out that 2 were 17, and the gangster was 23.

they even wanted to do my hair for free. like dye it black. low-lights they called it.

"what is low-lights???" i asked

"you know, high-lights are lighter than your hair, but low-lights are darker than your hair."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

But of course i didnt. i mean i've been contemplating to go blonde why would i wanna go dark.

vicente started joking with them too. they played a whole lot with his hair. spraying some glitter thing in the end. and styling it like jap also.

the saloon soon became busier. from being the only customers, it was now full.

gangster had to go cut some person's hair, so after we paid, i just left.

Labels: blood ties, boys, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, JKR