jellybeanies
icon, resources, host, host.

Regarding what aspect on valentine's day? Sorry my mind only answers specific questions. All part of my psychotic perfectionist attitude. Thats why tad and I get along.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, wordsmagicallyspun

it has been often said that bloggers will at least have one post titled "random". i hope i dont have one. and i'm not gonna start having one now either. nevertheless, i'll admit this post is random.

random thoughts.

cos suddenly, i just feel like writing. and where better to write than on my blog. sometimes one has to exploit stuffs like this.

a friend of mine recently pointed out a difference between me and him.

when we like someone, apparently i dont go all out to get that person.
he on the other hand, does.

he blames it on my ego. and that i think i'm too great to chase, blahblah...

which i think is quite true.

not on the "i'm too great to chase" part. that's just a cover up.

the truth lies more on the ego. of course, this friend really knows me well.

its the ego. i dont like being rejected.

then again, people might say, "but you're louiza! you can get whoever you want"

yeah. i dont know about that.

and there's always a first for everything.
even rejection.

soo, for the longest time, i've had the mentality, that if he really wants me, he'll start the chasing. not me.

there you go.

a bit of louiza weakness.

haha... sometimes i wonder whether its a good idea to be so personal on this blog.

nvm, for now, i'll wear my heart on my sleeve.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII

so then i said simply, "no why will i bother wasting more time."

then russell said, "this girl's a dude man!"

and i still cant stop laughing about that.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, WestBev

most colleges in the states call their semester in january Spring. but mine calls it winter. which i think is better. cos spring is so. ugh. like January. ugh. like start-of-shit. back-to-work. Winter has a "holiday" feel to it. so i really prefer that.

if i did transfer to the states, it'll be spring 2010 in my new college. ugh.

anyway, winter 2010 is really gonna be an adventure. cos, apparently i need to balance out my modules. so, i'm taking quite a significant load of science topics. *thinks of qashrul.

yes science. and literally i threw science out of my life in secondary school. or actually, i doubt i ever bothered to study it. don't ask me how i got through O levels. really my books were still "brand new" eve of my science O level subjects.

math and the writing subjects, well thank God they're kinda like instinctive to me. otherwise, i think i would have gone to NOWHERE.

anywayy, yes i was saying. gonna do some sciences. and i have NO idea how i'll fair. seriously.

so yeah, here's to Winter 2010, and i'm still awake at 2am. waiting for daddy to come home. cos i need an eraser. haha.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, this chapter is called..., WestBev

mark hoppus calls it year spaceship. =/ i'm just gonna call it the adventure.

anywayss, here's to 2010. i've always detested new years. seriously. whats so fun about going to school the next day? of living through the crappy long opening months of jan, feb, march, april, may? of christmas ending? my favourite months were always october, november, december. and they always will be.

plus this year, holidays were pretty short for me. december was too short. after all school ended on the 11th... so thats like half a month gone already. ugh. then christmas came so fast, it was all really a blur.

nevertheless, i have to say that hands down last night was like the BEST new years in my entire life. seriously. and credits would have to go to rudy of course. first thing we did at 0000 was walk off from a bar with our glasses. his from vodka, and mine from wine. and those glasses stayed with us all the way till clarke quay. hahah. from city hall. hilarious.

2009 was party year. had so much fun, especially since after As. lived it. party, drinks, friends, out out out! family, girls, guys, school. it was awesome. i love 2009 really.

i'm gonna call 2010 the adventure. cos who knows where i'll end up and the end of next year? great! (:

2008 was the year of self-discovery. i worked towards the As, and just really spent the year taking care of myself since this was the period i stayed single for longest. i made real friendships, and had many nice people around me, helping me along the way. i learnt a lot about myself.

2009, party year.

and 2010, is gonna be the adventure. i cant wait.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, boys, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, jammers, Knights Ridge, Newport, No Reservations, silver, this chapter is called..., WestBev

so those are captures of the aftermath of writing. reminds me of my thesis days in As. the harry potter book. well, today i have another addition to the collection. haha. aztec human sacrifice rituals. soo, if you have no life and want to do some reading, come ask me for a copy. (:

anywayy, the past 28 hours was hellish seriously. research paper and law finals. but i had D on the same boat with me. so i'm cool (: quite fun actually

the song of the 28 hours was Daniel Bedingfield - Gotta get thro this. Hha. over and over and over again man. i'm saving that for future chiong-ing sessions.

today was interesting cos i encountered the big 3, and the other 3.

the big 3 refers to the awesomely smart sexy professors. haha. i'm sorry pardon my explicit opinion. i just really admire smart people.

took the train with THE lance today. and actually texted denny about it. cos inside joke, i'm lance and he's lance impersonator. so actually having THE REAL LANCE right in front of me while i was rushing to absorb my freaking law book was VERY unnerving. i kinda gave up just about at city hall.

omg lawyers. > <

then at school saw tad, but didnt go follow for smoke cos i was really scared about law, so went to panic-study with denny.

and we saw tad and lance talking and walking together and for like 10 seconds we both just stared at the two of them. LOL. damn funny.

but hotness honestly.

the test wasn't so bad. i hope. > <

then after class, talked to mr ethan moore about class and everything. i seriously enjoyed his classes so, thats something i'm definitely gonna miss. all the philo and stuff. he's one smart guy.

then, denny boy and i went home. he grabbed some yoghurt thingy before. then home!~

and thats the end of the big 3. gosh awesome.

then, comes the other 3.

today something weird happened. i spoke to 3 of my exes.

thats it.

haha.

ciao

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, boys, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, grey's anatomy, muse, Newport, silver, through lens, WestBev

I'm glad you still know i'm smart. Kenneth.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, boys, eyecandy, jammers, new york, WestBev

In religion now. Sometimes i wonder if i'm actually a boy. Just spent like an hour in conference with 6 guys. Love them all. Everyone's so nice. I sense another party.

i think, ultimately i'm just a punkish emokid. Okay back to religion.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, boys, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, jammers, WestBev

OMG! i’ve never fucking done logic in such a hurried way. SUCKS! UGH.

shit i’m like 1.25 hours late in handing in. hope the doctor doesn’t mind. ughhhh.

i’m so stinky i need to batheeeee!!!!

school was the shit today.

biz law was amazing.

lance was like AWESOME as judge.

seriously all cool and just firing everyone down.

not my case today, and i was just gaping in awe at him.

I WANNA BE HIM.

seriously.

i can’t wait for my case on tuesday.

i dont care if he shoots me down.

it’s just DAMN hawt.

oh Gosh…

and like BOTH the defendants and prosecutors were like just 0 . 0

PAPERS flying everywhere!

he had like NOTHING.

just his BRAIN.

i wanna be him.

really.

DAMN sexy.

and logic presentation.

wow. amazing.

i realize, law students are rather clever.

;)

tai was awesome.

and i had an awesome AWESOME time debating with the doctor.

and, i’m glad at how long i held it.

AWESOME.

AWESOME.

really.

awesome.

okay that’s all i have to say.

no time to blog much, but i just HAD to write all that down.

sexy intelligence.

elfy’s coming back.

sweet.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, elfie, eyecandy, inspiration, WestBev

Dear all,

it’s that time of the year again – my birthday is approaching. and i just want to put something out on the table.

I DONT LIKE SURPRISES.

yup. i don’t really know why. but i’ve always been like that.

i guess i’m just the kind of person that needs to be in the know of everything.

celebrate, fine.

i like to plan things with friends.

but i DONT LIKE SURPRISES.

unless its from family, or boyfriend (even then i sometimes get irritated at him).

i know surprises are all with good intentions, and yes, i do love surprising others.

but i’m not the kind that likes to be surprised.

so thanks, but no thanks.

NO SURPRISES.

i like to know everything that’s happening around me.

love y’all!

(:

I am, yours sincerely,

Louiza

p.s. vivian i need to talk to you.

p.p.s. vivian i want to make cupcakes with you soon.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Happy Birthday, vivian

go to google.com

 

type out, “louiza”

 

you will find that the first suggested search is “louiza tpjc”

 

 

lol. is that how so many people read my blog?

holla!

Labels: ALEXANDER VII

1450

times like this, i find myself feeling like a wreck. where nothing can be salvaged.

but i know that's not true. things can and will get better. eventually, with a bit of time. most of the time sooner than we expect.

but why do i feel so pessimistic? probably cos of the uncertainty. of how long it'll take to cross over. to the side of recovery.

then i ask, why am i here in the first place. at this point. this situation.

then i feel angry. and lousy at myself. for allowing so.

am i really weak?

a bad person, incapable of discipline?

i wouldn't like to think so.

after all, look at how far i've come. since the last break down.

i'm sure it took lots of discipline and virtue.

but then again, if i could just slip like how i have done,

does that show weakness?

 

so i'd like to think of it this way.

i'm only human. and i will slip along the way.

and if the past years have taught me one thing, it is that things can't be undone.

so i'll have to learn, and pick myself up. and change. so it won't happen again.

no point dwelling on something that can't be undone

so now, that's what i'll do.

change.

7 minutes i gave myself to feel depressed and down.

and lousy.

after which, i will now pick up. and start. another chapter. with a stronger mindset.

1457

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, muse, Newport, teenagers, this chapter is called...

It's 6 plus in the morning. And i gotta get up for work in a bit. But i'm lying here blogging on my phone cos something spectacular just happened.

i just had the most amazing arousing phone call. I don't want to use the term 'phone sex' cos that just reminds me of corny service lines, and high school movies.

on the contrary, this was very different. It was so sweet. Even though we haven't really conquered 2nd base, (and i don't plan to in the near future..) he could more or less pinpoint what i would like etc.. Based on my personality and mindset.

yeah sounds so scientific and analytical. But it was so.. nice.. It lasted like almost 2hours. Ecstasy just by talking.

in fact, i'm still trying to catch my breath.

it was so sweet of him. To call me from his family visit in malaysia, at 4plus in the morning, and make me feel like that.

rudy once told me, i should have fun and flirt.. Have phone sex. Cos it's 'nice'. And i just laughed it off.

now i know what he meant.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, eyecandy, kuga starr, phone dates

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, eyecandy, kuga starr

let me share something with you guys.

something that happened to me today.

something that will probably show you guys the kind of person i am. more specifically, the kind of girlfriend i am.

but more importantly, this event made me realize a lot about kuga. and the kind of boyfriend he is.

______________________

 

okay so, last night, i didn't talk to kuga after he went back to his house in malaysia.

because apparently, he cleaned his house after arriving home from work, and then was too tired he fell right to sleep.

he did text me though, that he was tired.

then i think he KO-ed.

 

so, louiza's not used to this. cos every night, kuga says good night.

but oh wells, i decided to be reasonable. to not pout, or sulk. i was understanding.

 

you might be thinking, "so why is it a big deal?"

 

reason being, i like to be spoilt like that.

AND ALSO, by some unfortunate coincidence, this wasn't the first time. for the past couple of nights, i had not really gotten regular calls after his work at night because friends have been needing his help with errands and stuff.

and no! i never once felt sulky about that. cos his friends are also my friends. and i'm glad baby's really helpful.

nevertheless, after consecutive nights, the trend of absent communication gets noticed and the pout ability in me gets somewhat triggered.

BUT DESPITE THAT, see! i was understanding. didn't sulk.

instead, i watched movies all night, (chick-flicks) while hugging the big bear he gave me.

 

 

BUT THIS MORNING, his call at 10am woke me up. and while i was still half-asleep, i recalled him talking very sleepily, then suddenly, he just hung up! after saying he has a very bad headache, he'll call me back.

okay, maybe it was because i was sleepy, so my reason wasn't functioning. but at that moment, i began to pout!

yes, his headache might have been really genuine. but i guess, i let the spoilt monster in me take over at that moment.

don't get me wrong, i never ever doubted his love.

it's just the unreasonable brat in me.

 

 

so, at that moment, i started to plot.

plot a plan!

like in my mind were these thoughts. (in no particular order)

why on earth am i waiting for him to call me!

he only calls when he wants to! and i have to wait wait wait wait! (totally not true, but at 10am after only 3 hours of sleep, i was convinced this was the ultimate truth)

he's forgotten me, and i DON'T LIKE THIS!

i dont want to be vulnerable! like the weak one! waiting and waiting and waiting. and being all affected!

CONCLUSION : I AM GOING TO BE STRONG! AND NOT ALLOW THIS WEAKNESS TO ENSUE!

 

 

as u can see, it was all rubbish.

number one, i don't really wait long for him.

number two, even if i have to wait, it's always for a legitimate reason. and he always gets to me as soon as he can.

 

but still, i was already sulking and pouting. so i wanted to RISE UP and be strong and not allow my mood to be determined by whether his calls came or not.

 

so the plan was this.

for the whole day, whenever he calls, i'll say "I'M BUSY! I CAN'T TALK NOW!"

and then say bye.

 

you guys can even refer to my tumblr. cos thats where i updated on the progress of THE PLAN.

 

 

at first, it was very effective.

 

he called one hour later, and i said i was BUSY! and it caught him offguard.

 

but i hated doing it - as i knew i would the moment i started plotting. cos it's painful putting down the phone on my baby.

i always relish every second i get to talk to him on the phone. and now to charge in the opposite direction, was REALLY REALLY sad. ):

 

then he began calling again and again at intervals...

and i said the same thing!

and actually from the first call, he already knew something was up, cos "louiza never says she's busy except if she's bathing. but that one also, u will pick and let me know."

 

so i was glad. the plan was WORKING.

 

and it did for the hours to come. till like 4 plus.

i let my sad emotion waver my determination to be focused on the call routine.

 

i was missing him badly, so i talked more.

then when i realized i was flirting with the ENEMY, i quickly said BYE! and hung up!

 

and vowed to be stronger at the next encounter. (i actually posted about this on tumblr)

 

 

but all this time, baby was such a sweetie and a gentleman. apologizing and already guessing it was about the lack of calls.

 

and i just kept responding this in a whiny , "no, no need to apologize! you don't like to talk to me right?! so never mind! i will relieve you of that burden!" 

 

 

however, the plan finally failed. at 6.45 during his break.

he had gotten hold of me on the phone, and was explaining.

saying that, he really couldn't call, (something i already accepted as true. cos the hours awoke my reason. but i just wanted to see where this plan was going to go. for fun.) that he will improve on calling me, and that it wasn't a burden to contact me... he always tries his best to keep in touch with me.

even at work, he uses the tactics i used to employ to text him.

 

and THIS IS THE FALLEN MOMENT WHEN I LET THE PLAN DIE.

cos, then i excitedly went on and on about how i evaded the system... how i could text him. the tricks i used... where i hid my phone... where I hid to text him..

THEN, he said this. "yeah... i know... it must be so hard for you to lie and put down the phone on me... the whole day... i'm sorry baby."

 

 

and i was speechless.

"what do you mean?" i said, thinking it must be impossible.

then he said, "i know how you always love talking to me... you never say you're busy, you wait up for me to call you, and at work, you do everything to get me... so i know now, you're wanting to show me how you're all merajuk (malay for sulking)... and you're making yourself say you're busy. i know it makes you sad to have to put the phone down."

 

"and i can tell how hard it is."

 

and all i could say was. "omg. how could you have known."

 

cos, that was exactly what i was feeling. and i felt so touched.

here's a guy who, instead of getting annoyed, or just apologizing for his part, he was actually thinking about my real intentions, and my feelings. while i was conspiring to prove a point.

 

and despite knowing all this, he was still humouring me by apologizing.

 

then i pouted and whined, "i don't like this!  you ruined my plan!! " ):

 

and then he said, "haha. baby... baby louiza. you are childish, sweet, and nice. anger is not in you. so next time you want to act, please act more realistically. just now, you let yourself slip. you talked to me. then when you realized you were not in the correct direction, you suddenly said you're busy. soo cute la you."

 

 

"next time, if i know you're doing all this, i will come to your house and talk to you. so you don't need to hang up saying you're busy."

 

:(

 

see how silly i was.

 

i think it's the fact his older. like cheryl and i talked about.

more calm. so i can be the frisky terrier. while, he, the calm Doberman.

 

or maybe it's just me.

sometimes i really underestimate him.

______________________________________________________

 

 

anyway just for memory's sake.

today i had a lunch at my place so relatives came, and i blackjacked for a couple of hours.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, cher, eyecandy, JKR, kuga starr, No Reservations, nostalgia, phone dates, wordsmagicallyspun

i've got afghanistan on my table... iran... um, north korea... and now there's this what... H1N1? so, if there's really nothing wrong with the healthcare system, i wouldn't be touching it.

 

watched obama live on youtube regarding his healthcare plans. once again, felt like an economics lecture.

but i really admire him.

he's very sensitive. to the needs of others, addresses specific problems that the general don't see... whether he's successful, i'm not quite sure. since i've been away from news (deliberately) for such a long time. but i really like the way he speaks.

plus, i'll say it a million times, he's handsome.

haha.

told kuga already.

 

it's almost 5.30am now. just finished watching My Sassy Girl. i give it a 3/5.

speaking about movies, i HAVE to watch ice age 1 and 2 asap.

not cos i love the series. no, in fact i have zero interest in it.

BUT, now, i have 100% interest.

why? cos kuga asked me to bring him to ice age 3.

and perfectionist, must-be-in-order louiza will have to watch 1 and 2 first. even though i hear it's not like a continuing thingy.

 

anywayy, i watched my sassy girl alone, on the couch hugging the big bear kuga bought me in april. (:

i seriously love being pampered by him.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, eyecandy, inspiration, kuga starr, LA, wordsmagicallyspun

kuga came by after work.

we went to downtown to get my coffee, but everything was close. of all the days.

so we walked home, and got coffee on the way...

then we talked at the park awhile. lucky we didnt go for a movie. kuga was like already drifting in and out of sleep just sitting there.

so we continued our conversation via international calling.

and just ended, at 5.30am.

now i'm just enjoying the company of vivian and ben online.

today, sunday, parents, vicente and i went for mass. then after mass, we had lunch at century square...

okay my post is all over the place, i think i shall sleep soon.

 

lovebite 14th June...

 

it's very cozy having a man in my life. one that really knows how to take care of me.

today i got scolding. for always asking him to leave. because he says he'll stay no matter what he has to go through.

but the scolding was in a nice gentlemanly way. (:

 

sadness is like rubbish that we have to throw away.

 

cute, baby, like small girl.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, God, kuga starr, No Reservations, phone dates, wordsmagicallyspun

number 1, i miss thanaskodi. i have his sim card with me that kuga happily took. so i cant contact him. ): despite him working later at the same time as me. 11am. ugh.

all kuganesen's fault.

number two, i didnt sleep. the most i just had a few hours of shut eye. mostly talked to kuga and thanaskodi on the phone in the wee hours of the morning. then at 4 plus kuganesen decided to come over. and i just came home not too long ago.

having breakfast now - a long black and crackers. will have to get ready for work soonish.

blah

oh and i just had a chat with daddy.

i just sorta told him about kuga? i think???! =/

so weird!

cos he wanted to know who i went breakfast with. then i said - kuga.

then he went "that indian guy that day?" (daddy had a glimpse of kuga on the night he brought over muffin - refer to appendix succeeding this post)

then i was like "err... ya..."

"did you ride the motorbike!? you better don't... all it takes is one accident. you either die or become a vegetable" (from young i have been wired to be anti-motorbike, just like anti-cigs. daddy has a lot of friends who died from motorbike accidents. daddy hung around with people like this when he was young. he himself got into an accident. lucky didnt die.)

"i swear to God i didnt. i just went nearby..."

"tsk... i never asked u to swear to God... i just asking..."

"don't worry lah daddy... from young already i know..."

"yeah yeah... you know you know..... this guy, muslim or hindu?"

"huh??!"

"muslim or hindu??"

"err... hindu? why!"

(this is where i start to get a shock...)

"cos if muslim, you better not waste your time... if go in to deep, will have a lot of trouble with converting... if there's ever a future."

*feels weird having this conversation... cos from martin till this moment, daddy has always been anti-whatever guy louiza may like.

louiza goes, "err okay..."

*daddy walks off.

so what does this mean???! daddy dont mind if i finally have a boyfriend?? hahaha.

fyi, none of my family except vicente knows i'm attached.

appendix

when kuga came to give me the muffin at like 1 am, daddy was like "he came all the way here from orchard just to give you that muffin???"

then he asked how was he going home at such a time...

and i said he rode his bike here.

p.s. i tag this under eyecandy as well cos my kuga will always be MY eyecandy.

Labels: 13 o'clock, ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, blood ties, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, God, JKR, kuga starr, No Reservations, phone dates

superbly happy!!!

yes as you know, i was dying for most of the evening in bed thanks to tabasco... BUT! guess what took the pain away?!

thanaskodi!

my bestest friend in deli.

he called and we talked like a lot! and he really cheered me up. as usual. (:

talked about so much! about my merajukness, (i'm still tanglin's baby! yess!) about the dream team, about funness! yup the fun we 4 get into... haha indescribable high.

so really, then he asked me how's my stomach. and... the pain was so minimal! hahaa.! wow amazing.

he has this charm that makes me smile regardless. and the mischief we two get into... haha. priceless.

i still remember, when i was a bit upset with kuga, he actually brought thana down to my house at 5 plus in the morning cos he knew me seeing thana would make me smile.

that boyy... really selfless of him.

kay now i'm missing kuga even more. cos i'm so in love with how he takes care of me and my feelings. he completes everything in life.

LJ

i am going to write him a letter. now.

and thats the end of mother's day.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, Angela Ferilli, boys, eyecandy, grey's anatomy, kuga starr, No Reservations, sick

about 7.30 in the evening now...

brought mom and family out for lunch. except daddy. he had to work.

dont know what to say about lunch.

was both fun and disastrous.

brother and i ordered these disgusting drinks. thick milkshakes.. well at least mine was a pleasant pink and white... or strawberries and vanilla. my brother's apparent "oreo" milkshake looked like a genuine replica of polyjuice potion.

we couldnt finish them, and also like minutes later we found ourselves suffering from tummy aches.

and i think mine was worst cos i drank more of mine... and also i think another cause of my tummy ache was the fact i splattered Tabasco sauce on everything i ate.

i dont usually eat tabasco. but there was very little chili sauce on our table, and i was lazy to ask for more.

ughhhh......... i really hate the feeling. (i'm still suffering from it.) i think my brother's already cured. which leads me to think that maybe there was nothing wrong with the milkshakes after all. that it's just the stupid tabasco.

after lunch, walked around tampines1 with family, but then really, i started to totally not be able to take the pain...

so i dragged the whole party to BLUE. the bar at century square. to get myself my favourite coffee. illy.

the coffee helped.

a bit.

joana, delilah and mummy decided to go home first, leaving vicente and i at the bar.

vicente ordered shelly temple. that was so not like what we always drink in usa.

then i decided to order a cocktail. yes despite the tummy ache.

i must say after everything, i felt much better.

alcohol runs in the family i think.

BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE CRAP AGAIN! i think the powers of the alcohol is wearing off.

followed vicente to the arcade for awhile. he wanted to play a racing game. i spoke to kuga on the phone...

then we went home.

AND I FEEL LIKE CRAP. REALLLY. ):

i shall tell kuga.

p.s. thank you world for all the mother's day wishes. (:

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, Dirty $exy Money, jammers, kuga starr