jellybeanies
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finally i'm blogging. been too lazy to blog for the past week plus. somehow, i've been feeling exhausted and sleepy. so i don't stay up much if i'm home.

anywayys, (:

time now's about 3am and i'm here sitting on my bed blogging the long delayed post.

and i think i have the most nice and understanding boyfriend.

he had this fantastic nice plan. of which i really really love to do.

just now after work at 11.30pm, he had wanted to come down here, grab my laptop (and me of course) and have a late night supper at downtown macs. then walk home, late into the night.

wouldn't have been our first time doing that, we've already done that several times. and i absolutely LOVE our night outings. (:

BUT, tonight, i turned him down.

yeah i actually did that.

why?

cos of PMS. for some illogical reason, i feel like being left alone. like i just don't want to be with anybody.

and kuga was like so understanding to my whiny-ness.

no objections, or negative responses. he was totally totally supportive, and even allowed me to text my new "boyfriend". (but i didn't text him much anyways cos i really didnt want the presence of anyone around me. yes crazy i know.)

he even made me smile and giggle with his "mushy talk" to me on the phone before he left work. seriously people who know him (like thana) always say they've never seen THE KUGA manja anyone like how he treats me.

so even though i didn't meet him, he left me all in smiles and laughter. (:

but now i'm getting a bit saddish and impatient. cos he hasn't called me yet. since 12.30am. ):

never mind, i shall be patient!.

in the meantime, i think i shall record down what has been happening since last monday.

[fyi, time now is 5pm. i slept last night. didn't finish the post. will continue now. (: ]

now, i'm massaging my feet, sitting in the armchair at the living room... delilah's asleep. and the weather's fine. cloudy/rainy.

yeah it rained pretty heavily last night. i talked with kuga on the phone till nearly 5am. hey! thats like 12 hours earlier from now! haha.

anywayss, okay.

on tuesday, i had that date with boyfriend.

fun-ness.

first, he came over to my place SUPER early. i wasn't expecting him to be early. so in the end he ended up waiting for me outside for almost an hour! haha!

parents and delilah went to the zoo, brother and sister went to school. but no, i didn't let him in the house.

something about how i've become closer with my family the past two years. i've grown to respect them at another level. it would just feel wrong for me.

so anyway, baby had to wait outside and what not.

finally, i met him. which was super funny.

cos after all the arousing phone calls we shared over the weekend, i promised to kiss him for 5 minutes upon meeting him on tuesday.

but when i did meet him, i wasn't really in the mood.

so he was IGNORED. soo cute. haha.

anyways, we went to raffles medical center at airport to get my injection. cos coffee club insisted i get one. ):

sad.

and i was scared. as cheryl would know.

but the nurse was really really nice to me. and i screamed. haha.

okay. then, we RUSHED to vivocity. cos that's where we were scheduled to watch ICE AGE 3

got our tickets, then we went to this restaurant called The Mussels Place or something to have lunch.

we

were

starving.

 

lunch was awesome. i think i want to go there again.

then, we went to watch the movie. (:

which was funny. nice. watched it in 3D.

the dinosaurs were super cute. but i still love diego best.

there was a kid seated near us that said excitedly "mummy! i like the tiger!!"

then i grinned and snuggled up to kuga cos i had a lion of my own. (:

 

after the movie, we walked at the sky park for awhile to warm ourselves. cinema was rather chilly.

then we took a walk to st. james. in kuga's words to "survey the area".

well, so many of my friends are always there. and i've never actually bothered going down to the place. cos it sounded too overrated for me. like homeclub. where EVERYBODY goes.

but then on that day, i had my favourite person in the whole wide world whom i love checking new places out with, with me, so i thought, hey it would be pretty exciting.

after walking there, we walked back to vivo to get me a chocolate cake cos i wanted one. (:

then we spent more time walking around the huge mall.

then whilst walking past the numerous bars there, i felt like drinking. and kuga was okay with it. so we started looking around...

but then i decided, hey! since we're here, why don't we go to st.james?

so yeah. that was the plan.

but it was still a tad early. so for about 45 mins, we sat near the water and talked about all sorts of stuff, while i snuggled on him.

 

then we made our way there. and apparently there were so many outlets! we went into dragonfly and the chinese dude was like so confused.

later i found out from rudy it's a cheena place. go figure.

so later with rudy's help, we decided on movida. at like 8pm.

got a nice table, and then we ordered a jug. and some fried stuff.

and thats when the night began.

hahaa. which was super fun.

we talked, laughed... drank. drinks after drinks... and by 11 plus, i think we were quite high.

which was funny.

i got angry at him because he did something so lame and stupid. (which i can't mention here.) and then i was like scolding him. amidst the loud music and chaos. hahaha! and he was like sorry sorry sorry sorry.

actually what he did was no big deal. but i think i was high. hahahaha! thats why. damn funny.

so we were like crazy there. but i think the ladies at the next table were worst. they totally didn't know what they were doing.

dancing like crazy people and actually getting the waiter to stay with them.

funny.

 

then we went outside, away from the noise... and our high-ness soon died out. i think we both can hold our drinks pretty well.

stayed there for awhile... then went back to vivo... at like 3am.

then took a cab and reached home at 4am.

 

that was fun. but crazy. i had work at 11 and he at 10. so it was pretty whack.

 

well that was our day.

on wednesday, .... nothing much happened.

but i was really really tired at work.

 

on thursday, ...

thana met me after my work, and we rushed down to orchard to meet kuga during his short break.

we all had lunch at macs, then after kuga left, thana and i walked along orchard while i ate potato chips...

we walked around OC again, then went back to pasir ris.

had coffee and toast, then we went to NTUC where he helped me with his chef expertise to find ingredients to cook myself a soup. (;

then we we

nt home, and i cooked my soup.

 

on thursday night 4am/ friday morning...

i was talking to kuga on the phone and i got a bit upset so he came down at 5am plus from malaysia and we talked till it as 8 plus and i had to rush to work.

i worked at 9.

it was a miracle i got to work on time. like on the dot.

then, kuga came into coffee club. like he was the first customer. haha.

well at least that made my first hour eventful.

then he had to go to work, cos he started at 2...

in the evening, family and i went to bugis to have thai dinner with the rest of the family.

train was stupid. it was super delayed. in the end we dropped off at kembangan and took a cab.

 

on saturday,...

i was off.

went to aunty evie's house to blackjack the whole day.

went home at 10 after watching the first part of harry potter on tv.

 

on sunday...

went to work...

rushed to orchard to have lunch with kuga during his break...

went to tampines to attend church.

came home,

evening, went to mac donalds with kuga.

came home at 3am.

 

on monday,...

worked at 9 to 1.

met daddy at white sands.

went home together.

joana's birthday.

at night, went to airport.

ate lots of ice cream.

talked on phone with kuga for ages.

 

on tuesday, ...

off. stayed home with delilah.

at night, went mac donalds with kuga at white sands.

walked home.

nice.,

reached home at 4.

 

which was killer because,

on wednesday,

i worked at 9am.

till 2.30pm.

and i felt like dying.

 

on thursday,

which was yesterday.

i stayed home, and stared to read A Walk to Remember

and at night, kuga wanted to meet me, but i pushed him away.

 

and TODAY,

i think i'll meet him. (:

 

p.s. christmas is starting to show its presence... tv shows are airing their xmas episodes. =/

 

p.p.s. i dreamt of martin today. =/

Labels: Angela Ferilli, blood ties, cher, chrismukkah, coffeeclub, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, dreamdiary, eyecandy, fallacy, God, jammers, kuga starr, LA, phone dates

6 MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: chrismukkah

its 2.20am and i'm so so sleepy but i just HAVE to blog to record down the niceness of recent events.

so to continue the louiza tale, last night i did watch the match with jave.

but i fell asleep halfway. then he called and woke me up somewhere between the 2nd half. and we talked and talked until 6.

i realize he's my chinese hokkien version of elfy. i like to hear him scold in hokkien. hahah! one of those crazy louiza fetishes.

anyways, i have no idea how i managed to pull myself out of bed at 8. must be the giant muffin. it was like an encouragement for me to get out of bed and have it for breakfast. which i did. i had like a HUGE HUGE chunk of it.

NICE!

went to work, and worked with noliza for the first time. nice.

THEN THANA CAME!!!!!!!!

AHHHH I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

but then raja took him away. shortly after. ): sad. irritated at raja! i miss thana so so much!

then jave came a bit late. so i stayed to help eloisa.

then...

lion surprised me! by coming to work like early. he was actually supposed to start at 6. but at 3.30 he was waiting for me.

YAY.

went to tcc. i bought him a coffee drink and fed him the ice cream. told him how i ran alone once to mexico cos i was pissed at my mom. then 6 came and i walked him back to the club.

came home, and things were fine.

then there was a PROBLEM.

yes. a problem emerged. that really really made me feel like shit.

really.

but daddy tried to comfort me. so that was quite nice. even though i was still sad, he managed to calm me down.

with not much of a mood, i decided to get an early nap. that was midnight.

but then, LION CALLS!

and THANA'S WITH HIM!

SO, i conference with the two of them like till now!

damn damn fun. and honestly that made me feel so so so much more happier.

tomorrow i get to see them! (:

Labels: 13 o'clock, A.T., ALEXANDER VII, Aliens Exist, blood ties, boys, chrismukkah, daddy, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, futball, grey's anatomy, hogwarts, No Reservations

finally done with the editing of the Christmas Amateur Pictures.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=81326&l=0902a&id=535818199

enjoy~

and now i'm off to bed as i'm meeting cheryl at 5 plus am.

Labels: chrismukkah, through lens

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

i just came back from marc's house.

xmas visiting rockws!

anywayyyy, itsd nice to be happy and high.

just now i was high to the point i think i was giving out  free money.

I DIDNT GAMBLE!

but i gave free money.

la la al.

anyway xmas rocks! i cant wait for next year!!!!

anddd i think guys coincidently with my family-related names are nice and suave.

i met a JOSEPH in a club that time and he was really polite and nice. and to dance he actually took my hand like u noe the victorian kind.

and thennn i met a LOUIS that time. (not saying where) and he was really reallly like that too. did the whole hand thingg. and gentlemanyl.

k bye,.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah

 

hey, sorry for that horrendous post just now.

haha. i was a bit too happy and high to write properly.

now i've taken my bath, and feel freshened!

anyways, yeah just to do a revision... the party was awesome... got to see everyone again.. everyone was together once more.

thats wad i love about christmas. really.

and basically parties with the family.

in the future, i'm gonna throw regular parties so that everyone can just be together.

anyways, before the party, daddy delilah and i went to church together. then after that, we went to TM while cos daddy wanted to do some banking. then he gave me money to get coffee while he was banking.  i was having a headache u see. cheryl will understand. ppl like us need our daily intake of caffeine if not we suffer the withdrawal symptoms.

i hardly drink starbucks. usually i drink coffee bean. but since starbucks was nearest, i went there. and i must say the people were SUPER FRIENDLY.

seriously. i had a fun time like talking with them and joking and having fun whilst waiting for my coffee. and they packed it SO nicely. like in the bag and everything. even tho it was only one cup.

haha. and the guy even offered to give me the whole carton of milk. cos i kept putting milk in my coffee (as usual)

so yeah i must say that that experience at starbucks was awesome. laughing all the way to the exit and finally waving at them.

met del and dad at the front door, then we made our way to the party.

we stayed late, and aaron vi and i had our own private partyy space. haha. funny.

okayy i'm gonna watch some tv now.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah

i love this. feel happy again.
everything's settled.

and i just came back not too long ago from aunty joyce's house.
LOVED IT.
super fun. seeing everyone. HAD FUN.

SORRY a bit high now. JUST a bit.

but i can honestly tell u, that the highness, most oF IT COMES FROM HAPPINESS. NOT ALCHOHOL. but happiness that i have MY WHOLE FAMILY BACK AGAIN. i love them all. omg. i love them

i should bathe soon. but i toook some pictures. want to show u. (:

listening to christmas songs again.

i cant wait for next years christmas. daddy says we will be in america!
'
i jsut want to be with family.family is best.
yesyesyes.

dont care where.

glen also. made for me drink. vicente also. not bad.

and the elfy! elfy thank you for standing my ramblings. and helping. my friend whole year in school. cheers!

my family! is great.
k i show u picture.

i swear. whoever i go with, for good, like serious relationship, better better love my family. and wadever we do. and how we talk. i dont care.

i love u.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, through lens

hey everyone. first of all, a really really merry christmas to everyone out there, all over the world. i appreciate everyone of you who read this blog of mine, have an awesome holiday everyone.

so today's Christmas Day. the day i've been looking forward to the whole damn year...

couldnt have gone any better... i just got home not too long ago from a day of visiting and family... bathed and now i'm under the covers on my bed listening to more christmas songs... feeling so cosy and touched by the season, i kinda feel like crying.

yeah sometimes i think i'm emo.

okay. i shall recount my day, before talking about the wedding. with pictures of course.

yesterday was christmas eve, woke up late from the late night we had at the wedding... it rained damn heavily the whole day... in the end, we didnt go for midnight mass... had an evening walk with vicente in the rain, bought stuff to eat during our movie marathon.

yeah we had a christmas movie marathon. like till 3am. whole family was up, well except for del. she was sleeping. (:

mom and dad doing xmas stuff for the house.... bro and i watching tv...

it was all good.

today daddy woke us upp early. went for 12.30 mass. delilah was the highlight. she was dressed as santarina. haha i'll try to get a picture soon... everyone was smiling at here wherever we went. mass with family's always great...

church was weird. not used to going for christmas mass in singapore... it's always overseas... i still remember last year in the states... that was good. but here in singapore, i met some people in mass. so more wishes and happy faces.

again, it was all good.

went to godma's house thereafter for lunch. big family was there.... same ol' eurasian fun. joking around... eating... karaoke... laughing.... seeing everyone... and delilah being praised for her cuteness in santarina clothes...

i ate a lot. so did everyone... family was everywhere...

again, it was all good.

dinner, was at aunty evie's house. again, family was everywhere.... playing with del... eating.... talking.... more food... seeing everyone...

all the more, it was good.

words cant describe fully how awesome and heartfelt the emotions were today.... it was merely priceless... but the wait the whole year was definitely worth it.

okay, on to the wedding. i pray i still remember.

everyone woke at around 8am.... the wedding was to take place at st francis xavier, 11am.... everyone from all over the world came... the us, australia, hong kong.... it was nice to see fellow gragos from all over....

and weddings are always great... love. beautiful. here are some pictures...



this is bro and me during the mass... haha.
breathtaking.
purple was like dominant in my family... daddy delilah joana and me.
this is my ska man
the bride and groom

after the wedding, we had a lunch reception...
aaron and vicente
the king and his trademark purple socks
someone took something of hers i think
the coolest kids




after the wedding, we walked out to main street for a cab...

lylah walked too!! (:

kay so we went home, the weather was really really hot. but i thnk we survived... yeah we did.

watched a movie... relaxed awhile, and soonafter, we got ready for the wedding dinner/pan pacific.
daddy and deedee. my fav ppl in the whole world
the family's first reaction to this picture: "who's that ghost on the right???"
cuteness.

so we went for the dinner... emcee kept emphasizing, "this is an eurasian wedding, all those chinese people who are used to leaving after dessert, dream on. we are gonna dance till the wee morning. dont disturb us. "

and that's what we did. (:

the joseph band played. yes we josephs are known for our music talents. and after they played, there was a DJ to play more upbeat this generation songs. hahas.

so we had dinner, then the dancefloor opened!~

had oldies love songs playing, i waltzed with aaron.

then had fun swing songs, oldies, just care free corny stuff. square dancing, country.

i love my family. seriously. being a joseph/pereira/gomes/de souza is cool. and the person i'm gonna marry will have to accept that and want to join in the fun!! hahah!

grab me by the hand and do-si-do!!

the dancing was fun.... everyone was there.

my wedding's gonna be like that. not the chinese kind. eat and chao.

here are some pictures.(:

aunty vicky and vicente...
even lylah danced!!! haha
the loved
delilah, aunty evie and uncle ranjin...


louiza dancing to some fun country song. hahaha.
bro and i

haha then we had a "train" song. where we trained up and danced around the ballroom, being led by the bride of course. super fun and chaotic! hahaha.
see at times we went too fast all of a sudden. bro lost my ass. haha.
we're at the background. the 40 something eurasian guy in front of me was sexy.
my mom in red! hahahaha.
i was hopping.

they even played "put ur right hand in put your right hand out, do the hokey pokey and turn urself around" we were in a circle and everytime the chorus came, everyone will rush towards the middle. super fun.

this lasted till 1 plus in the morning.... and finally we came home...


bro and dee and i after coming home.....


alright thats it! see more pictures than words... i love my family. (:

kay i'm gonna watch a xmas movie now with the peeps. (: hope u guys enjoyed the post... thanks for all your wishes today.
from all of us at the josephs', have a loved christmas.

love,louiza.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, jammers, Newport, through lens

i'm super happy. its like the buildup of the xmas spirit at it's peak right now....

STILL RAINY!!!!~

i just woke up. had a nice long sleep! i love it.

last night, i watched a xmas movie while pigging out to TONS of junk food.

omg loved it.

but i didnt finish watching the movie. i fell asleep.

probably cos i was exhausted from the long day. the wedding and everything.

it's so nice to fall asleep on the couch. LOONG TIME SINCE I DID THAT.

years maybe. when i spent a lot of time watching tv.

but last night's was better. only cos it's christmas. what can be better?

okay i still owe a post to the wedding. promise less words and more pictures. transferring pix to my com now in fact.

God i love this. it's what kept me sane throughout the year.

i think i'm too emo.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah

OKAY I JUST GOT HOME FROM THE WEDDING!!1

kay wads with the caps. I'M just SUPER HAPPY.!!! and super happy!

ahha that doesnt even make sense.

kay kay kay i'm gonna bathe~ then gonna go through pictures!!

and guess what. Russell just reminded me. ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!!!! how rad is that! hehe.

kay Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah, Newport

omg i totally love christmas!! the whole christmas feeling, warmth etc! omg i just love it. and right now, i'm like listening to my dad's oldies cd of christmas songs. and being all late and everything in the night, i just feel all tingly and nice.

the christmas spirit. u know, you feel the spark in late november... and as december grows, so does this feeling... then you see love all around, and smiles, and happiness.

it's what i wait for all year.

omg. thats all i can say right now. i wish i had the ability to write like Rowling. i'll describe it so so much better.

well actually, i think i can. if i really thought about the words. but i'm just too excited to think. it's like i just want to get everything out all at once. the feeling's too exciting to be told in stages.

omg!!! now listening to 12 days of xmas! and yesterday leon called to sing that for me. it was really funny the way he sang it.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the XMAS FEELING!!!!!!!!

 

yeah so anyway what was i saying. yeah! i'm sorry i dont have good english! i'd really wanna speak of the christmassyness more accurately. DAMN.

okay. lets talk about my day, which was really xmassy.

firstly i woke up after having a weird dream. =/

for some reason, Chris Brown was over at my place. it was something like his family are friends of my family so we were like offering some sort of hospitality while he was in sg.

I DNO IT WAS SO WEIRD! I DONT EVEN LIKE CHRIS BROWN.

he was wearing this blue hiphop shirt or something, and he was in my room. we were talking. and my mom was like nagging at me to go bathe. so i was like "yeah okay!" then i told him i'll brb...

then as i stood up to go, he was like, "hey wait". then he kissed me.

SO DAMN RANDOM! (and i repeat, i dont like chris brown)

so i was like, "umm okayy.. i'm gonna bathe".

i walked to the kitchen and quickly took out my hp to call vi and cher. to tell them wad just happened. they picked and after recounting to them the weird incident, i was like, "i dno it was so weird right!! i mean i dont even like his songs!!! but oh wells, how many girls can say that they've kissed chris brown?"

at that instance, chris brown walks into the kitchen. -_-''

so i ended the call. my brother had been in the kitchen all the while when i was talking to vi and cher.

i said ,"hi!" to chris, then i told my bro in malay, "dont tell chris i said i hate his songs."

yeah. cos i had the feeling my bro was gonna like sabo me in some way.

then i woke up.

HOW WEIRD RIGHT?!?

so yeah that was my dream.

 

today was a real family day again. everyone was home (:

had lunch together on the big table, and we established i'm a daddy lover. but yet i bully dad. and vicente is a mummy's baby.

we did a hell lot of stuff to the house today. cleaned, vacuumed, CHANGED THE CARPETS. we had to lift like TWO FREAKING HEAVY MARBLE TABLES. they're seriously damn heavy. last time we changed carpets we had uncles aunties cousins and if i'm not wrong my bf at that time to help.

thats how heavy it is!

but with a bit of joseph spirit, we did it! (:

and i can rightfully conclude that my mom's deco owns orchard's completely. seriously. and i'm not being biased.

 

xmas in sg.

no snow, but still fabulous.

and that hasnt stopped me from snow boots.

yes mom i'm crazy.

 

after the day's work, vicente and i watched another xmas movie. I LOVE WATCHING XMAS MOVIES IN DECEMBER!!!! it just reinforces the whole xmassy feeling. i watched christmas with the kranks. it was really heartwarming and tingly. i give it 10/10. only thing i didnt like was the HEAVY SNOW they had!!! cos i got really jealous. it was really heavy!!!!

last time i had snow that heavy, was like when i was 14? family and i were in las vegas and it was snowing like FUCK (sorry fuck's the best word to describe the degree of how heavy the snow was)

and we actually walked along the streets like for 30 mins to get to lunch. and snow was getting into our EYES. yeah can u believe that! eyes!!! damn painful. and wet and cold. and cousins and daddy (the most playful of the older generation) were like throwing humongous snowballs at everyone. SUPER IRRITATING! but fun. but painfully fun. like u want to laugh, but u have no breath to. 

and occasionally someone would fall on icy ground.

i miss that.

 

watching tv just now, i saw the MAC advert again. the cute one!! about manliness. *rudy just came into my mind*.

anyway, this advert was like about the gf getting the bf to wear a shirt with the letters LO. and hers had VE. so that together they spelt LOVE. and the guy's friends were making fun of him, while the girl was like so happy.

SUPER CUTE.

 

and today i had that nice phone call again with 80. short, but nice.  take care of yourself kay.

and that's the end of this post.

thanks for reading!!

love, louiza.

Labels: A.T., ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, dreamdiary, God, hogwarts, inspiration

having a terrible headache so i'll sleep soon.

delilah walked on her own for the first time today. 1yr 3 months and 2 days. everyone's really proud of her.

today was yet another family-filled day. i'm enjoying it. church with dad and vicente, then went bugis with vicente. then went to buy food with dad.

decided i'll put off working till jan. i want to really relish the xmas spirit. i want to spend it with the ones i care about.

i want to shop soon.

Labels: chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, Newport, the aftermath

i just watched Love Actually. it's the best movie i've watched in a really long time. i'll rate it 10/10.

i was left with a christmassy feeling so strong, it overwhelms my heart. i love it; yet, its magnitude is so heavy it brings a sizeable degree of nostalgia too. not unlike the kind one often feels after reading a powerful book.

so now i sit here, sporting goosebumps as the cold of the night caress my unshielded skin. night's naturally cold especially up here on the twelfth. especially here where we're near to two beaches. yet this cold is further fed by the fact that it had rained moments ago.

i like where i am now in life.

i have much on my mind actually. much of which i wish to analyze right here. and it starts of with how the year has been for me. this year is different from those i've been having since i was 14. i've never stayed single for so long. for 5 years, i've always been in a relationship. i cant remember ever being really single for more than a month.

and i like this year because i've spent it discovering myself. getting to know me.

louiza. not louiza and him. but just, louiza. and i have learnt a lot.

i must admit though, that the prospect of being single scared me at the beginning. the last time i was single was when i was 13. practically a child. i had grown up with relationships. i didnt know how to be alone. i didnt want to be alone either.

despite not wanting to face the harsh reality of being single, the aversion to be in another relationship was much greater.

my last was severely disappointing, and i was not ready to be disappointed again.

so much effort and hope had been saved in the affair, only for the establishment to crumble and fall.

skeptical was what i became. many would now say, "but you'll never know if you don't give guys a chance"... or "you should". but if these advocates actually knew what i had gone through, i daresay they would understand why i preserve such a stance.

i don't blame them though - they're human. and it has always been human's foolish nature to trust and fall in love, hoping for the best.

as human as i am, i daresay my let down wasn't the typical breakup. i've been let down. and this has brought me to become cynical with what the concept of relationships have to offer.

so don't blame me, i'll get there someday. when a reason presents itself - a reason for me to reconsider the possibilities that a relationship can bloom into.

i love the year i've had. i got to experience much of what i have been missing out on for years too many.

the family i regrettably been neglecting, well this year has been one in which i found myself spending time with them. actually talking, going out, having fun. i actually found myself wanting to be part of what i was greatly absent in. the connection i've had with every single member has multiplied in folds.

in the beginning i thought it would be weird. uncomfortable. how do i connect when i've been gone for so long? but then so warmly, they picked me up where i had left them without any gaps in between.

for that i'm grateful.

and then there's me.

i've had a relationship with myself whole year round, i've learnt things about myself i never clarified before. they way i think, do things, the things i like.

it was always about loving another person. but this year, it was about loving me.

as i said before, i was scared of being alone at the start. but now, i cherish being alone. i realize i do like spending time alone. to take care of myself, my wants. not his wants. and it feels good.

i find myself feeling accomplished as i studied and gained knowledge whilst working towards the A levels. and now when it's over, i enjoy tv marathons, shopping trips, coffee, drawing, and getting comfortable with a nice book. 

for years i was never able to have quality alone time. and now i can. and i like it. i have lots of catching up to do with Louiza. and till i run out of things to do with her, i look forward to alone time. it is necessary.

so yeah, i guess i'll end off now. this is one of those posts where you just get an insight to who i am. i'm still on that journey of self-discovery.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, grey's anatomy, LA

dear vivian and cheryl,

i have a proposal. i was thinking of regular conference calls. like say once a week? to update each other on our lives, catch up, etc? what do you say?

okay anyway, readers, sorry for not blogging of late. i've been rather busy... taking care of delilah, helping parents put up xmas decorations. (mom's obsession of creating an orchard road... ) and i've spent more time with daddy these days. which is nice.

i've also started taking some serious pictures. like photography kind? haha. i'm noob, but yeah i'm working on it. maybe i'll post some pictures up? but in the mean time, you guys can check my facebook album.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70852&l=e22e0&id=535818199

i really want to know what mr qashrul thinks.... (shout out!)

and i've been reading more... harry potter. (: seriously i wanna marry sirius black and severus snape. either one. i am deeply in love with them.

sad. they BOTH died.

SAD.

sad.

or firstly dont even exist. please give me a guy like that. pretty please.

okay enough of my rants, thank you everyone for still checking out my blog. and i'm referring to both local and foreign readers. stats have not fallen.  muuuuacckshx!

but i notice i have no readers from the UK.

oh did u know, i have this weakness for the male british accent. SERIOUSLY. since dec last year when i encountered HARRY POTTER abroad the cruise i went in the US. (for more info, refer to DEC 07) it was wicked.

and this fetish has erupted of late... especially for the cockney accent.

*louiza dies

i already told daddy i plan on going solo to london next year. hopefully i get to do just that! (:

i've made it a pact to read the newspapers everyday even though As are over. okay random fact.

and when i go to london, i'm gonna grab a brit boy and ask him to speak and speak and speak. and i'll just listen and drool. or maybe i can ask someone over the internet to call me. omg! rad idea!

aston merrygold, the one person i wanna meet, HE'S BRIT. and rowan atkinson, i've been watching him a lot of late. i think he was really hot when he was younger. now he can be hot too, if he isnt on set for his mr.bean character.

okay louiza is RANTING. and louiza hates americans who pretend to have british accents. but louiza's still gonna talk in her american accent when she wants to. (:

but i dont see myself fit to speak brit! hahahaha. its too majestic. hahaha okay sorry for the rant.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, boys, cher, chrismukkah, eyecandy, hogwarts, memory, the aftermath, the boy, the girls, vivian

remember i had to go to MOE on friday? well without sleep after clubbing, i went looking like this. i think i look ghastly. like some marilyn manson.
okay Bye!

Labels: blood ties, cher, chrismukkah, Happy Birthday, jammers, through lens, vivian