jellybeanies
icon, resources, host, host.

i'm halfway hanging the clothes for daddy. nevertheless, suddenly i felt like blogging so i'm here for awhile.

thats the kind of person i am - i think a lot. maybe too much? i dont know.

so while i was hanging clothes, i was thinking again.

my thoughts, i think in prose. in argument. like i'm writing an essay. organized is only how i allow my thoughts to be recognized by the conscious of my mind. thats the only way i feel that i dont miss anything about myself. after all, i'm only starting to learn about me.

weird right? but i must say that this whole year of self-discovery was not what led me to think like that. even before this year, i was already thinking a lot. maybe since last year when i found out and realized that i cant go around doing things just cos i had a moment's feeling of wanting to. impulsiveness if u ask me.

so even last year, many times i'll suddenly put my arm out and stop martin and myself from wadever we're doing. say even walking down bugis. and i'll go, "stop, i need to think." and right there, my eyes go unfocused while my mind sharpens and works inside. only when i've concluded my internal discussion will i say, "come lets go.."

i must admit, he was very patient with my thoughts.

so anyway once i feel i've had an essay, i come here to translate it in visible words. notice, i use the word "visible" cos in my mind, they are already paragraphs. but only unseen to u.

anyways, i actually woke up not too long ago. yesterday was the first in many days that was spent at home. no visiting. a day at home with family, and most importantly myself.

i watched mr magorium's magical emporium. it was amazing. i'll give it 10/10. then i watched lots of grey's anatomy till 6am.

i hardly looked at my hp yesterday. only the occasional glance every few hours to reply msgs that came in. my hp was silent, naturally i missed most calls.

deliberate.

thats one thing i've learnt about myself. that very often, i have no mood to talk on the phone. wasnt always like this, but i guess now it is. very often, i just dont feel like putting in the energy verbally to connect with the world.

i just like quiet, u know.

i like spending time with myself. with family at most. especially after days of nonstop action with people.

and i think it will be enlightening if others understood that. not necessary, but enlightening and advantageous.

i say not necessary cos i dont expect anyone to be able to really understand. simply cos it's quite an unusual stance for me or anyone to take. weird actually.

when i miss calls, it is necessary to understand that it's not cos i'm pissed with you, or sad, or deliberately avoiding you. [unless you're a crazy stalker] it's just that more often that not, i dont have the mood to talk. it's a bit like introvert. i think thats the introvert side of me.

but im more of a visual person. in a sense that if you text me, i'll reply. i like to do that, rather than talk.

it is also necessary to know that me not picking your calls doesnt mean you're less significant to me. this is extremely important. again, its just because i'm more often than not, not in the mood to talk on the phone.

i get many calls a day from many people. i just feel that if i were to diligently answer every single one, i wont have time for myself.

i'm not asking anyone to understand, my reasoning behind this weird behaviour is quite hard to comprehend.

but one common misunderstanding i often come across is the impression that louiza is avoiding everyone and wants to be alone because she is troubled and sad.

and that's one thing i dont quite get. must i be sad to want to enjoy quiet and solidarity? does this mean that happiness is only attainable if i'm in constant active interaction with social peers?

no, it doesnt. i pray you consider after being single for the first time in 5 years, i've actually grown to lovve spending time with myself and getting to appreciate myself.

i do want to connect with people. but talking on the phone is just not how i happen to like doing it. i'm a visual person, i rather read texts, IM online, letters, stuff like that. so if you just understand this visual nature of mine, i'll be glad to reply your messages diligently. that's just me.

apologises for the whole rant about me. like i said, i dont expect anyone to really understand. but please do, just consider the possibility.

but i can offer one insight to why i'm possibly like this. after all, like i said i didnt always not like to talk on the phone. my plausible explanation is as such:

i used to love talking on the phone. for years since i was 13, i would talk really really long. like it could even stretch to 18 hours at one go. but ever since the start this year, when i have to juggle schooling, homework, assignments, research, household chores and of course taking care of delilah.

with only 24 hours in a day, it was vital that i efficiently used every second of my time, packing as much as possible into every minute i had, wanting to make every minute fruitful. afterall, this was vital if i wanted to make something of myself. multi-tasking became the routine. reading notes while i ate meals, reading notes while i took care of delilah, reading notes while travelling. even solving math problems in my dreams.

so now, school has ended but i suppose this trait still lives on in me - that every minute has to be fruitful. and now, fruitful refers to family and myself. so think about it. if i'm on the phone, i cant multi-task.


if i'm on the phone for hours, to me thats not time best spent. it may sound quite insensitive but thats just me. cos i cant multi-task. i cant talk engagingly and at the same time take care of delilah. how do i talk to two people? or i cant talk on the phone at the same time enjoy a walk with daddy or bro. so u see its pretty hard.


and after the day's done, of spending with family and del, i just want alone time. to do my own thing. settling into the night with a good book, or a good movie.

thats why i prefer visually connecting with people. by texting, i can still go about doing other stuff that i have to do.

as said before, i dont expect understanding. but if anyone did, he or she would already have understood quite a significant amount about the kind of person i am.

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy, today's the last day of the year. 3.30pm and i havent decided wad to do yet for the eve.

a bit weird, did you know that i did not experience the 1st of jan this year? i was in the plane travelling from the states and due to the relative nature of time, 1st jan did not exist for me. weird right?

so yeah i was saying, still dunno wad to do tonight. but just in case i'm not home, i think i'll do resolutions now.

1. I will not be lazy.
2. I will not eat unhealthy foods.
3. I will stop eating ice.

"fun" and "mental" is "fundamental"...

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, LA, the aftermath, this chapter is called..., through lens, wordsmagicallyspun

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

i just came back from marc's house.

xmas visiting rockws!

anywayyyy, itsd nice to be happy and high.

just now i was high to the point i think i was giving out  free money.

I DIDNT GAMBLE!

but i gave free money.

la la al.

anyway xmas rocks! i cant wait for next year!!!!

anddd i think guys coincidently with my family-related names are nice and suave.

i met a JOSEPH in a club that time and he was really polite and nice. and to dance he actually took my hand like u noe the victorian kind.

and thennn i met a LOUIS that time. (not saying where) and he was really reallly like that too. did the whole hand thingg. and gentlemanyl.

k bye,.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah

sing me sweetly.

 

hey, sorry for that horrendous post just now.

haha. i was a bit too happy and high to write properly.

now i've taken my bath, and feel freshened!

anyways, yeah just to do a revision... the party was awesome... got to see everyone again.. everyone was together once more.

thats wad i love about christmas. really.

and basically parties with the family.

in the future, i'm gonna throw regular parties so that everyone can just be together.

anyways, before the party, daddy delilah and i went to church together. then after that, we went to TM while cos daddy wanted to do some banking. then he gave me money to get coffee while he was banking.  i was having a headache u see. cheryl will understand. ppl like us need our daily intake of caffeine if not we suffer the withdrawal symptoms.

i hardly drink starbucks. usually i drink coffee bean. but since starbucks was nearest, i went there. and i must say the people were SUPER FRIENDLY.

seriously. i had a fun time like talking with them and joking and having fun whilst waiting for my coffee. and they packed it SO nicely. like in the bag and everything. even tho it was only one cup.

haha. and the guy even offered to give me the whole carton of milk. cos i kept putting milk in my coffee (as usual)

so yeah i must say that that experience at starbucks was awesome. laughing all the way to the exit and finally waving at them.

met del and dad at the front door, then we made our way to the party.

we stayed late, and aaron vi and i had our own private partyy space. haha. funny.

okayy i'm gonna watch some tv now.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah

i love this. feel happy again.
everything's settled.

and i just came back not too long ago from aunty joyce's house.
LOVED IT.
super fun. seeing everyone. HAD FUN.

SORRY a bit high now. JUST a bit.

but i can honestly tell u, that the highness, most oF IT COMES FROM HAPPINESS. NOT ALCHOHOL. but happiness that i have MY WHOLE FAMILY BACK AGAIN. i love them all. omg. i love them

i should bathe soon. but i toook some pictures. want to show u. (:

listening to christmas songs again.

i cant wait for next years christmas. daddy says we will be in america!
'
i jsut want to be with family.family is best.
yesyesyes.

dont care where.

glen also. made for me drink. vicente also. not bad.

and the elfy! elfy thank you for standing my ramblings. and helping. my friend whole year in school. cheers!

my family! is great.
k i show u picture.

i swear. whoever i go with, for good, like serious relationship, better better love my family. and wadever we do. and how we talk. i dont care.

i love u.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, through lens

My daddy

And yet,

R you sure you don't care?

That anyone will do? that hurt.

It's like telling an ex anorexic she's fat. there in the danger lies.

No, i will not turn in, but still, i feel the impact. yes i do.

hey everyone. first of all, a really really merry christmas to everyone out there, all over the world. i appreciate everyone of you who read this blog of mine, have an awesome holiday everyone.

so today's Christmas Day. the day i've been looking forward to the whole damn year...

couldnt have gone any better... i just got home not too long ago from a day of visiting and family... bathed and now i'm under the covers on my bed listening to more christmas songs... feeling so cosy and touched by the season, i kinda feel like crying.

yeah sometimes i think i'm emo.

okay. i shall recount my day, before talking about the wedding. with pictures of course.

yesterday was christmas eve, woke up late from the late night we had at the wedding... it rained damn heavily the whole day... in the end, we didnt go for midnight mass... had an evening walk with vicente in the rain, bought stuff to eat during our movie marathon.

yeah we had a christmas movie marathon. like till 3am. whole family was up, well except for del. she was sleeping. (:

mom and dad doing xmas stuff for the house.... bro and i watching tv...

it was all good.

today daddy woke us upp early. went for 12.30 mass. delilah was the highlight. she was dressed as santarina. haha i'll try to get a picture soon... everyone was smiling at here wherever we went. mass with family's always great...

church was weird. not used to going for christmas mass in singapore... it's always overseas... i still remember last year in the states... that was good. but here in singapore, i met some people in mass. so more wishes and happy faces.

again, it was all good.

went to godma's house thereafter for lunch. big family was there.... same ol' eurasian fun. joking around... eating... karaoke... laughing.... seeing everyone... and delilah being praised for her cuteness in santarina clothes...

i ate a lot. so did everyone... family was everywhere...

again, it was all good.

dinner, was at aunty evie's house. again, family was everywhere.... playing with del... eating.... talking.... more food... seeing everyone...

all the more, it was good.

words cant describe fully how awesome and heartfelt the emotions were today.... it was merely priceless... but the wait the whole year was definitely worth it.

okay, on to the wedding. i pray i still remember.

everyone woke at around 8am.... the wedding was to take place at st francis xavier, 11am.... everyone from all over the world came... the us, australia, hong kong.... it was nice to see fellow gragos from all over....

and weddings are always great... love. beautiful. here are some pictures...



this is bro and me during the mass... haha.
breathtaking.
purple was like dominant in my family... daddy delilah joana and me.
this is my ska man
the bride and groom

after the wedding, we had a lunch reception...
aaron and vicente
the king and his trademark purple socks
someone took something of hers i think
the coolest kids




after the wedding, we walked out to main street for a cab...

lylah walked too!! (:

kay so we went home, the weather was really really hot. but i thnk we survived... yeah we did.

watched a movie... relaxed awhile, and soonafter, we got ready for the wedding dinner/pan pacific.
daddy and deedee. my fav ppl in the whole world
the family's first reaction to this picture: "who's that ghost on the right???"
cuteness.

so we went for the dinner... emcee kept emphasizing, "this is an eurasian wedding, all those chinese people who are used to leaving after dessert, dream on. we are gonna dance till the wee morning. dont disturb us. "

and that's what we did. (:

the joseph band played. yes we josephs are known for our music talents. and after they played, there was a DJ to play more upbeat this generation songs. hahas.

so we had dinner, then the dancefloor opened!~

had oldies love songs playing, i waltzed with aaron.

then had fun swing songs, oldies, just care free corny stuff. square dancing, country.

i love my family. seriously. being a joseph/pereira/gomes/de souza is cool. and the person i'm gonna marry will have to accept that and want to join in the fun!! hahah!

grab me by the hand and do-si-do!!

the dancing was fun.... everyone was there.

my wedding's gonna be like that. not the chinese kind. eat and chao.

here are some pictures.(:

aunty vicky and vicente...
even lylah danced!!! haha
the loved
delilah, aunty evie and uncle ranjin...


louiza dancing to some fun country song. hahaha.
bro and i

haha then we had a "train" song. where we trained up and danced around the ballroom, being led by the bride of course. super fun and chaotic! hahaha.
see at times we went too fast all of a sudden. bro lost my ass. haha.
we're at the background. the 40 something eurasian guy in front of me was sexy.
my mom in red! hahahaha.
i was hopping.

they even played "put ur right hand in put your right hand out, do the hokey pokey and turn urself around" we were in a circle and everytime the chorus came, everyone will rush towards the middle. super fun.

this lasted till 1 plus in the morning.... and finally we came home...


bro and dee and i after coming home.....


alright thats it! see more pictures than words... i love my family. (:

kay i'm gonna watch a xmas movie now with the peeps. (: hope u guys enjoyed the post... thanks for all your wishes today.
from all of us at the josephs', have a loved christmas.

love,louiza.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, eyecandy, jammers, Newport, through lens

just a minute on what i'm doing now...

editting pictures to blog...

and the RAIN IS AWESOME. damn heavy! omg nicee.

kay anyway, there are thousands of pictures, so on this blog, i'll only upload certain stuff on the wedding.

the rest will go to my facebook album, of which i will provide the link once it's in order.

cool?

and then there's another kind of pictures i wanna share. the "photography" kind.

haha yeah i did some photography too. so maybe i'll put them up here. but i would rather put them in my facebook album... so we'll see about that.

then there's the other pictures that i owe, pre-wedding stuff.

okay! later!

i'm super happy. its like the buildup of the xmas spirit at it's peak right now....

STILL RAINY!!!!~

i just woke up. had a nice long sleep! i love it.

last night, i watched a xmas movie while pigging out to TONS of junk food.

omg loved it.

but i didnt finish watching the movie. i fell asleep.

probably cos i was exhausted from the long day. the wedding and everything.

it's so nice to fall asleep on the couch. LOONG TIME SINCE I DID THAT.

years maybe. when i spent a lot of time watching tv.

but last night's was better. only cos it's christmas. what can be better?

okay i still owe a post to the wedding. promise less words and more pictures. transferring pix to my com now in fact.

God i love this. it's what kept me sane throughout the year.

i think i'm too emo.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah

AND fyi, readers, i havent posted on my tagboard. so no genuine za.

OH AND BEST PART. i forgot to add.

IT'S RAINING~!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE HEAVILY. niceeeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeee

OKAY I JUST GOT HOME FROM THE WEDDING!!1

kay wads with the caps. I'M just SUPER HAPPY.!!! and super happy!

ahha that doesnt even make sense.

kay kay kay i'm gonna bathe~ then gonna go through pictures!!

and guess what. Russell just reminded me. ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!!!! how rad is that! hehe.

kay Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

Labels: blood ties, chrismukkah, Newport

i wanna post lots of pictures. due for a long long time.

but i guess tmr will be a better time. tonight i'm too busy. need to sleep early. marc's wedding tmr. so all the more tmr is a better day to post pictures... all at one shot.

so i'll just blog briefly about today.

vicente pissed me off.

for the 234234th time, he inflicts damage on my specs. but today was worse cos the damage was like more severe than ever. and he's the only idiot in the family that keeps destroying my specs. even though i tell him to be careful. that my specs is there... etc. the idiot still jumps around and bends it.

and what was most irritating about today, was that he kept denying it. irritating!

the damage was worse than everr. seriously.

and everytime he bends it, i have to go to the shop to get it looked at. but today, i was really really sad about it.

i actually got so upset i went to like "complain" to my dad. and actually cried out the frustration i felt at the stupid brother! ugh!

YES I CRIED FOR SPECS. i loved that pair.

PRADA.

and i've been taking care of it since daddy bought it for me.

ugh.

so daddy, practically dropped whatever he was doing, and brought me to the shop... i was damn sad the whole way.

then the MAN FIXED IT!!! and i got happy again!!!

at first i didnt want to go. i told dad it will never be the same again. the only way i finally agreed was when he told me that if i really didnt like it, he'll buy me a new pair.

k i know i was being unreasonable. BUT I WAS SO UPSET!!!

MY SPECS IS LIKE MY DARLING.

anyway the man managed to make me happy. so i guess that will do. but i still feel a tad sad. and vicente still got the cheek to be angry at me. I DID NOT BEND UR PRADA SPECS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

IDIOT

anyway. delilah came with us. then we went to eat macs together.

funness. dad had that damn big mcspicy. i had the damn big BIG MAC. haha.

then felt better.

then went home, i told dad i felt like shopping, so at like 8 plus i went down to TM. yes... the shops were about to close. but i felt like buying something. to feel happy.

but then now i also feel guilty. cos once again, DAD'S MONEY.

i'm gonna get a job and pay back! conscience is killing me.

so thats basically my day.

SAD.

Labels: blood ties, daddy, Dirty $exy Money

just cant sleep.

you know, i've been having food cravings often when i'm home. random things like a particular kind of chips... some dish... a drink... etc. but cos i'm so darn lazy, i end up not satisfying any craving at all. like i'll be too lazy to go out and get it.

so then it got me to remember, those times when i was in relationships. day or night, if i wanted something, we'll go get it immediately. lotsa 24 hour shops around my place. so i just have to make one phone call, and next thing i know, we'll be setting off on a late night adventure.

i liked that.

or if i was sick and couldnt leave the house, then the object of craving will come to me. an awfully sweet gesture i must add.

i guess that's one nice thing about being in a relationship. being taken care of. i miss that. but despite missing that, i wouldnt get into a relationship cos of these "nice things". i dont know. in the end, it's all hurt.

besides, i have daddy who gets me the stuff i wanna eat. but not at 4am in the morning, unfortunately.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, memory

1.Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up?

* yes

2.Whats your relationship with the person you last texted?

* he's my matrep.

3.What are your plans for today?

* get fierce.

4.Where was your default picture taken?

* i'll take this to be referring to frienster... that would be at the meridian hotel.

5.Are you in a relationship, single, complicated, married, or engaged?

* single.

6.Have you ever had your heart broken?

* yes

7.Do you wish someone would call you right now?

* no

8)Do you find piercings attractive on the opposite sex?

* hahaha. do guys like two on the left ear and one on the right?

9)What song are you currently listening to?

* Taylor Swift - Love Story

10)Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

* of course.

11)Name something you dislike about the day you're having?

* i havent bathed. cos i'm too lazy. =/

12)Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?

* nah.

13)Do you miss someone?

* no

14)If you could go to any place right now, where would you go?

* london

15)If you are being extremely quiet, what does that mean?

* i'm just tired. my life takes up lots of energy. so when i'm tired, please dont immediately think that's cos i'm bored. it's really not that way.. sorry.

16)What is the weather like today?

* we'll have to wait. its 1.30am only for now...

17)Do you have anything to complain about?

* nahh

18)Do you have curly hair?

* somewhat.

19)What are you doing tonight?

* sleep hopefully

20）Last place you took a plane to?

* usa

21)Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?

* depends on the person..

22)What are you looking forward to in the next few months?

* xmas.

23)What are you doing tomorrow?

* getting fierce

24)If someone looked on your bed, what would they find?

* 2 pillows, 1 bolster and a blanket.

25)What is the last movie you watched?

* good luck chuck

26)Will You be in a relationship 3 months from now?

* no

27)Does the last person you held hands with mean anything to you??

* yeah.

28)Are you happy at the moment?

* yup

29)Do you want to get married?

* eventually.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin

EIGHT Lasts.

1. Last alcohol u had?

* raspberry vodka

2. Last beverage?

* coke

3. Last phone call?

* daddy

4. Last text message?

* vague question

5. Last song played?

* Avril Lavigne - Falling into History

6. Last ice-cream?

* chocolate chip

7. Last time you cried?

* long ago

8. Last meal?

* fried rice

EIGHT Have You’s.

1. Have you ever dated someone your best friend likes?

* no

2. Have you ever been cheated on?

* dont think so

3. Have you ever bought condoms?

* no

4. Is there one person who can make you feel better no matter what?

* yes

5. Do you find yourself crushing on

someone currently?

* yeah i guess

6. Have you ever lost someone?

* yes

7. Have you ever been depressed?

* yes

8. Do you smile at strangers?

* yes. weird huh?haha

RANDOM:

1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

* yes

2. What is your pet's name?

* i dont know

3. How many people have you kissed in 2008?

* 6 i think.

4. Were you happy when you woke up today?

* yup

5. What is a fact about the last person who texted you?

* he's irritating.

6. Do you hate the last person you kissed?

* nope!

7. What are you listening to right now?

* colbie caillat - bubbly

8. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

* yeup

9. What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?

* nothing

10. Who are all the people you have text messages from in your phone?

* i'm not bothered to check and type out... crazy..

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin

going to church soon... but it's still early so i'll blog for a bit.

watched a couple of movies lately and here's what i think.

day after tmr - 3.5/5. effects were great and everything, but the acting was too drama to be real.

good luck chuck - 0/5. it was just lame.

Labels: LA

omg i totally love christmas!! the whole christmas feeling, warmth etc! omg i just love it. and right now, i'm like listening to my dad's oldies cd of christmas songs. and being all late and everything in the night, i just feel all tingly and nice.

the christmas spirit. u know, you feel the spark in late november... and as december grows, so does this feeling... then you see love all around, and smiles, and happiness.

it's what i wait for all year.

omg. thats all i can say right now. i wish i had the ability to write like Rowling. i'll describe it so so much better.

well actually, i think i can. if i really thought about the words. but i'm just too excited to think. it's like i just want to get everything out all at once. the feeling's too exciting to be told in stages.

omg!!! now listening to 12 days of xmas! and yesterday leon called to sing that for me. it was really funny the way he sang it.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the XMAS FEELING!!!!!!!!

 

yeah so anyway what was i saying. yeah! i'm sorry i dont have good english! i'd really wanna speak of the christmassyness more accurately. DAMN.

okay. lets talk about my day, which was really xmassy.

firstly i woke up after having a weird dream. =/

for some reason, Chris Brown was over at my place. it was something like his family are friends of my family so we were like offering some sort of hospitality while he was in sg.

I DNO IT WAS SO WEIRD! I DONT EVEN LIKE CHRIS BROWN.

he was wearing this blue hiphop shirt or something, and he was in my room. we were talking. and my mom was like nagging at me to go bathe. so i was like "yeah okay!" then i told him i'll brb...

then as i stood up to go, he was like, "hey wait". then he kissed me.

SO DAMN RANDOM! (and i repeat, i dont like chris brown)

so i was like, "umm okayy.. i'm gonna bathe".

i walked to the kitchen and quickly took out my hp to call vi and cher. to tell them wad just happened. they picked and after recounting to them the weird incident, i was like, "i dno it was so weird right!! i mean i dont even like his songs!!! but oh wells, how many girls can say that they've kissed chris brown?"

at that instance, chris brown walks into the kitchen. -_-''

so i ended the call. my brother had been in the kitchen all the while when i was talking to vi and cher.

i said ,"hi!" to chris, then i told my bro in malay, "dont tell chris i said i hate his songs."

yeah. cos i had the feeling my bro was gonna like sabo me in some way.

then i woke up.

HOW WEIRD RIGHT?!?

so yeah that was my dream.

 

today was a real family day again. everyone was home (:

had lunch together on the big table, and we established i'm a daddy lover. but yet i bully dad. and vicente is a mummy's baby.

we did a hell lot of stuff to the house today. cleaned, vacuumed, CHANGED THE CARPETS. we had to lift like TWO FREAKING HEAVY MARBLE TABLES. they're seriously damn heavy. last time we changed carpets we had uncles aunties cousins and if i'm not wrong my bf at that time to help.

thats how heavy it is!

but with a bit of joseph spirit, we did it! (:

and i can rightfully conclude that my mom's deco owns orchard's completely. seriously. and i'm not being biased.

 

xmas in sg.

no snow, but still fabulous.

and that hasnt stopped me from snow boots.

yes mom i'm crazy.

 

after the day's work, vicente and i watched another xmas movie. I LOVE WATCHING XMAS MOVIES IN DECEMBER!!!! it just reinforces the whole xmassy feeling. i watched christmas with the kranks. it was really heartwarming and tingly. i give it 10/10. only thing i didnt like was the HEAVY SNOW they had!!! cos i got really jealous. it was really heavy!!!!

last time i had snow that heavy, was like when i was 14? family and i were in las vegas and it was snowing like FUCK (sorry fuck's the best word to describe the degree of how heavy the snow was)

and we actually walked along the streets like for 30 mins to get to lunch. and snow was getting into our EYES. yeah can u believe that! eyes!!! damn painful. and wet and cold. and cousins and daddy (the most playful of the older generation) were like throwing humongous snowballs at everyone. SUPER IRRITATING! but fun. but painfully fun. like u want to laugh, but u have no breath to. 

and occasionally someone would fall on icy ground.

i miss that.

 

watching tv just now, i saw the MAC advert again. the cute one!! about manliness. *rudy just came into my mind*.

anyway, this advert was like about the gf getting the bf to wear a shirt with the letters LO. and hers had VE. so that together they spelt LOVE. and the guy's friends were making fun of him, while the girl was like so happy.

SUPER CUTE.

 

and today i had that nice phone call again with 80. short, but nice.  take care of yourself kay.

and that's the end of this post.

thanks for reading!!

love, louiza.

Labels: A.T., ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, dreamdiary, God, hogwarts, inspiration

i've been doing a lot of thinking recently regarding the destiny for my hair. and since today i had more free time than usual, i hence thought a lot more about it. but still, i havent come to a decision.

i want to dye my hair pink. not the whole head, but like you know the streak avril has? yeah i want that.

HOWEVER, i went to the saloon today, and the stupid woman wants to charge me 90 dollars for that stupid streak. i told her just that stupid portion of hair. her expression and the way she spoke to me was clear evidence that she was trying to do some daylight robbing. she kept changing price, and eventually told me 80. but does she think i'm dumb enough to pay that price to colour just a few strands pink?

there's another option to the dilemma. blonde. but then i'm thinking, am i too dark?? i've seen too many disasters of dark asians or chinese dying their hair blonde and looking like fake shows. i DONT want to be one of them. but then again, am i that dark? maybe i can pull it off. maybe the most that can happen is that i look like a tanned blonde. and i dont look that asian do i?

and then, a few minutes ago, i realise that there are a lot of people out there who are envious of my naturally brown hair. my hair is a mixture of brown and copper. and some strands are even gold if u look closely. people are always trying to get brown hair. so why should i let go of mine?

ugh!! so u see! the decision is so so hard!!! avril, barbie or all natural?

anyway i dont think i'm gonna stay up today. i feel unusually sleepy. i think the lack of sleep is finally getting to me... plus i had a crazy headache just now that like only just subsided. i dont want to stay up and face the risk of it coming back. 

sleepy.

kay i'm gonna read my book, and use the isqueeze till i "die"

Labels: the aftermath

okay i feel quite accomplished. spent the past hour or so setting up my own customized firefox. with my own chosen add-ons etc. so i feel accomplished. (:

now at balcony with del dad vicente. balcony's flooded. man-made. we're washing the stone floor. haha. so there's like a mini pond there now. haha. delilah's at the side of the living room touching the "pool". my living room's elevated u see. balcony's on lower ground. so there's like this "pool" hahaha.

and i'm here guarding making sure she doesnt go in. hey i should take a pic!

Labels: blood ties

it's like ever since i started school this year, with the determination to study hard and having to juggle kid and As, i've automatically grown to HAVE to make every second fruitful.

now that As are over, i feel really out of place with the lack of urgency.

like i said, i have been doing the things i like to do... watching a lot of soap operas, reading, running, etc. but thats only like at night AFTER i've had a fruitful productive day of taking care of delilah.

now that i'm alone in the mid of the day, i DO wna do all those things, but it feels so so weird.

and i've been spending a lot of daddy's money lately. he gives me whatever i want, but recently i've been asking for more. a bit guilty. sometimes i wonder if i'm too spoilt. maybe i should get a job.

oh and cheryl replied. she wants to go cycling soon. (:

kay u know what. i'm gonna help daddy around the house today.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, cher, Dirty $exy Money, the aftermath

okay relax ... relax.

no harm stoning and wasting time once in a while right? i mean not every second needs to be fruitful.

okok.

i shall message cheryl.

it's like u know day time. i want to do the things i like, like read, watch tv, movie etc. but i feel so awkward like not doing anything productive.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII

don't like doing nothing. i cant just exist doing nothing. hence i cant relax. seems like there's nothing to do, but i dont like my time being unproductive.

i cant relax.

dont expect anyone to understand this post. i'm just trying to get the primary words out of my system.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII

having a terrible headache so i'll sleep soon.

delilah walked on her own for the first time today. 1yr 3 months and 2 days. everyone's really proud of her.

today was yet another family-filled day. i'm enjoying it. church with dad and vicente, then went bugis with vicente. then went to buy food with dad.

decided i'll put off working till jan. i want to really relish the xmas spirit. i want to spend it with the ones i care about.

i want to shop soon.

Labels: chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, Newport, the aftermath

i just watched Love Actually. it's the best movie i've watched in a really long time. i'll rate it 10/10.

i was left with a christmassy feeling so strong, it overwhelms my heart. i love it; yet, its magnitude is so heavy it brings a sizeable degree of nostalgia too. not unlike the kind one often feels after reading a powerful book.

so now i sit here, sporting goosebumps as the cold of the night caress my unshielded skin. night's naturally cold especially up here on the twelfth. especially here where we're near to two beaches. yet this cold is further fed by the fact that it had rained moments ago.

i like where i am now in life.

i have much on my mind actually. much of which i wish to analyze right here. and it starts of with how the year has been for me. this year is different from those i've been having since i was 14. i've never stayed single for so long. for 5 years, i've always been in a relationship. i cant remember ever being really single for more than a month.

and i like this year because i've spent it discovering myself. getting to know me.

louiza. not louiza and him. but just, louiza. and i have learnt a lot.

i must admit though, that the prospect of being single scared me at the beginning. the last time i was single was when i was 13. practically a child. i had grown up with relationships. i didnt know how to be alone. i didnt want to be alone either.

despite not wanting to face the harsh reality of being single, the aversion to be in another relationship was much greater.

my last was severely disappointing, and i was not ready to be disappointed again.

so much effort and hope had been saved in the affair, only for the establishment to crumble and fall.

skeptical was what i became. many would now say, "but you'll never know if you don't give guys a chance"... or "you should". but if these advocates actually knew what i had gone through, i daresay they would understand why i preserve such a stance.

i don't blame them though - they're human. and it has always been human's foolish nature to trust and fall in love, hoping for the best.

as human as i am, i daresay my let down wasn't the typical breakup. i've been let down. and this has brought me to become cynical with what the concept of relationships have to offer.

so don't blame me, i'll get there someday. when a reason presents itself - a reason for me to reconsider the possibilities that a relationship can bloom into.

i love the year i've had. i got to experience much of what i have been missing out on for years too many.

the family i regrettably been neglecting, well this year has been one in which i found myself spending time with them. actually talking, going out, having fun. i actually found myself wanting to be part of what i was greatly absent in. the connection i've had with every single member has multiplied in folds.

in the beginning i thought it would be weird. uncomfortable. how do i connect when i've been gone for so long? but then so warmly, they picked me up where i had left them without any gaps in between.

for that i'm grateful.

and then there's me.

i've had a relationship with myself whole year round, i've learnt things about myself i never clarified before. they way i think, do things, the things i like.

it was always about loving another person. but this year, it was about loving me.

as i said before, i was scared of being alone at the start. but now, i cherish being alone. i realize i do like spending time alone. to take care of myself, my wants. not his wants. and it feels good.

i find myself feeling accomplished as i studied and gained knowledge whilst working towards the A levels. and now when it's over, i enjoy tv marathons, shopping trips, coffee, drawing, and getting comfortable with a nice book. 

for years i was never able to have quality alone time. and now i can. and i like it. i have lots of catching up to do with Louiza. and till i run out of things to do with her, i look forward to alone time. it is necessary.

so yeah, i guess i'll end off now. this is one of those posts where you just get an insight to who i am. i'm still on that journey of self-discovery.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, blood ties, chrismukkah, Dirty $exy Money, grey's anatomy, LA

i just got back, went out with rudy.

orchard. lights suck this year. probably cos of the economic slowdown. reminds me of the 1997 asian financial crisis where the decorations sucked too. or maybe it's cos i'm too used to spending christmas overseas in the west where decorations are so much nicer - especially with the winter, snow, cold. yeah then back in singapore, maybe it's cos of the contrast.

so i'm glad i didnt bother wasting my time bringing my camera.

watched sex drive. i'll rate it 4/5. so you should check it out!

alrighty, gonna bathe now. (:

Labels: LA

Labels: through lens

i hate the veil in the room of death.

i hate it.

needless to say, i hate bellatrix lestrange too.

fucker.

Labels: hogwarts

Q) What is your wallpaper on your computer?

-volcom

Q) How many television do you have in your house?

-3

Q) Are you right-handed or left handed?

-right

Q) Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

-yeah, a baby and the afterbirth. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Q) What is the last item you lifted?

- laptop

Q) Have you ever been knocked down?

- no

BULLSHITOLOGY.

Q) If it were possible, would you want to know the day that you will die??

- yeah.

Q) If you could change your name,what would you change it to?

- louiza starr maria alexandra joseph. so basically i want to add the starr in.

Q) What colour would you think looks best on you?

- white

Q) Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?

- yeah

DAREOLOGY.

Q) Would you kiss a member of a same sex for $100?

- yeah. but depends who

Q) Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?

- eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. no?!

Q) Would you never blog again for $50,000?

- haha okay. i'll publish a newsletter instead

Q) Would you posed naked in a magazine for $250,000?

- my husband's personal magazine. yeah sure. hahaha.

Q) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?

- yeah.

Q) Would you,without fear of punishment,take a human life for $1,000,000?

- no.

DUMBOLOGY.

Q) What is in your left pocket?

- i have no pocket. i'm using boy boxers. etnies. i love em.

Q) Is Napoleon Dymainte actually a good film?

- wth, i dont know that film

Q) Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?

- both

Q) How many pairs of flip-flops did you own?

- 2

Q) Last person who texted you?

- leon

Q) Last person who called you?

- rudy

Q) Person you hugged?

- delilah

FAVOURITOLOGY!

Q) Number?

-26

Q) Season?

-Winter.

Q) Colour?

- brown; pink and black

CURRENTOLOGY.

Q) Missing someone?

-no one in particular

Q) Mood?

-contemplative

Q) Listening to?

- cartoons on playhouse disney

Q) Watching?

- playhouse disney

Q) Worrying about?

-nothing...

Q) Wearing?

- daddy's shirt that's too big for me, and MY boy boxers. (:

RANDOMOLOGY.

Q) First place you went this morning?

-toilet

Q) What can you not wait to do?

-go to london and kiss a brit boy after hearing him speak for eternity.

Q) Do you smile often?

-yeah

Q) Are you a friendly person?

-yes!

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin

Labels: through lens

dear vivian and cheryl,

i have a proposal. i was thinking of regular conference calls. like say once a week? to update each other on our lives, catch up, etc? what do you say?

okay anyway, readers, sorry for not blogging of late. i've been rather busy... taking care of delilah, helping parents put up xmas decorations. (mom's obsession of creating an orchard road... ) and i've spent more time with daddy these days. which is nice.

i've also started taking some serious pictures. like photography kind? haha. i'm noob, but yeah i'm working on it. maybe i'll post some pictures up? but in the mean time, you guys can check my facebook album.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70852&l=e22e0&id=535818199

i really want to know what mr qashrul thinks.... (shout out!)

and i've been reading more... harry potter. (: seriously i wanna marry sirius black and severus snape. either one. i am deeply in love with them.

sad. they BOTH died.

SAD.

sad.

or firstly dont even exist. please give me a guy like that. pretty please.

okay enough of my rants, thank you everyone for still checking out my blog. and i'm referring to both local and foreign readers. stats have not fallen.  muuuuacckshx!

but i notice i have no readers from the UK.

oh did u know, i have this weakness for the male british accent. SERIOUSLY. since dec last year when i encountered HARRY POTTER abroad the cruise i went in the US. (for more info, refer to DEC 07) it was wicked.

and this fetish has erupted of late... especially for the cockney accent.

*louiza dies

i already told daddy i plan on going solo to london next year. hopefully i get to do just that! (:

i've made it a pact to read the newspapers everyday even though As are over. okay random fact.

and when i go to london, i'm gonna grab a brit boy and ask him to speak and speak and speak. and i'll just listen and drool. or maybe i can ask someone over the internet to call me. omg! rad idea!

aston merrygold, the one person i wanna meet, HE'S BRIT. and rowan atkinson, i've been watching him a lot of late. i think he was really hot when he was younger. now he can be hot too, if he isnt on set for his mr.bean character.

okay louiza is RANTING. and louiza hates americans who pretend to have british accents. but louiza's still gonna talk in her american accent when she wants to. (:

but i dont see myself fit to speak brit! hahahaha. its too majestic. hahaha okay sorry for the rant.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, boys, cher, chrismukkah, eyecandy, hogwarts, memory, the aftermath, the boy, the girls, vivian

What did you do last night?

- tv, delilah

Do you have a best friend that you can talk to 24/7?

- yes

Do you have any siblings?

-yes

How many years apart is your mom and dad?

- 3

Do you like someone?

- yes

What does the 7th message in your text inbox say and who is it from?

- a run??? at this hour?! why?! (rudy)

Where is your dad right now?

- in his room

Do you burn incense?

- no but my dad does!

Do you have a problem?

-  YA! WHY?! NOT HAPPY ARH?! NOT HAPPY SETTLE LAH! U WAN SETTLE HOW?
    no i dont have a problem.

Closest red object?

- my pencil

Closest silver object?

- laptop

Do you sing in the shower?

- sometimes

What is bugging you right now?

- sleepy

If you could kill someone, who would it be?

- why would i want to kill someone?

Do you have any fears?

- yup

What do you hear right now?

- the fan

Do you like kangaroos?

- yes

Can you roll your tongue?

- yes

Who was the last person to message you?

- rrudy

Rock or Rap?

- rock

Who last called you?

- rudy

Whose your fave rapper?

- snoop dogg. he's sexay.

Would you die for someone?

- yes

Do long distance relationships work?

- i dont know

What are you doing tomorrow?

- shopping maybe

Do you worry about getting older?

- no

Do you bite your nails?

- no

What makes you mad?

- stubbornness and ignorance

What would you do if you found out that you were adopted?

-laugh haha.

Are you jealous a lot of the time?

- no

Are you OCD?

- with perfectionism. maybe.

Do you have low self esteem?

- no

Who can make you laugh during the hardest time?

- delilah

What was the last thing you watched on TV?

- cashmere mafia

Who do you love?

- family, vivian, cher

What holiday is your birthday closest to?

-my birthday falls on Thanksgiving.

What's your favorite drink?

- rred wine

Where was the last place you went besides your house?

- white sands

What's the first thing you notice about the same sex?

- hair

Is it hard to express your feelings to someone?

- linguistically effortless, emotionally perplex

omg i just came up with that.

EGO.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin, wordsmagicallyspun

Would your parents be mad if you were in a relationship?

* no

Person you last sent a text to?

* rudy

What's irritating you right now?

* nothing really.

What were you up to at 11pm last night?

* making del sleep

Plans for today?

* go to eastview... (maybe).. take care of delilah... go dinner with leon (maybe)

What happened at 10:00 am yesterday?

* i was being awakened.

Did you hug anyone yesterday?

* yes

Would you get married if you could right now?

* no...

Who was the last person you cried in front of?

* parents

What are you listening to?

* the whirling of the fan overhead

Do you love someone right now?

* yes

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

* yes

Do you get along with girls?

* yes

Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday?

* no

Are you a forgiving person?

* yes

Do you believe what goes around comes around?

* no

Who was the last person you ate with?

* personS. joana and vicente

When was the last time you saw your dad?

* 3 hours ago

What is your favorite thing to spend money on?

* presents

Do you miss anyone?

* no one in particular... but a lot of people i'd want to catch up with...

Do you drink more water or juice?

* water

Is there someone you will never forget?

* yes

Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts?

* yes

Are you a morning person or a night person?

* night

Can you keep a secret?

* yes

Where is your best friend?

* best friendS. one at tanah merah. the other at kallang. stalkers, take note. hahaha. 

Look to your right, what is there?

* doorr

Do you fight with your grandparents often?

* no

Have you ever been in a car accident?

* no

How was your weekend?

* nice

What did you do yesterday?

* spent the day with daddy

Where is your phone?

* on my table

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 am, would you go?

* yeah why not.

Were you happy when you woke up today?

* yup

Have you ever woke up next to someone and smiled?

* no. i wake up next to that someone and stretch my arms and legs... pushhing him till he nearly falls off the bed. he groans and goes ergh!!!! i irritate some more. half-awake, he then realizes what's happening. stretches out, grabs me into a very very tight hug, then falls back asleep again. -_-'' i feel a tad irritated, but it is then that i smile.

When is the last time you talked to your grandma?

* many many years ago.

How many months until your birthday?

* 11

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?

* 12.15am

Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere?

* no....

Are you waiting for something?

* no

Missing someone?

* did i like just answer this?

Would you fight over someone you wanted to be with?

* no

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin

is it weird that more often than not, i prefer staying home instead of going out...

Labels: ALEXANDER VII

the dream

vivian, cheryl and i went to kc to visit. more specifically, we went there for lunch. it was a rainy day. after eating, we made to leave. two of them took the main gate. somehow, in my dreams kc had two gates. i made my way alone to the side gate on the other part of school.

before walking out, i decided to go to the toilet before starting the journey back home. as i approach the toilet, i notice from the corner of my eye that at the side gate below, mrs sng is shouting at some girl.

mrs sng was my discipline mistress, who became my math teacher, and finally my form teacher. i've often suspected with good reason that she became my form teacher to keep an eye on me. yes we both have some history.

so seeing her shout, i muttered to myself, "still same..." as i walked into the toilet.

i come out of the cubicle minutes later, and there she was standing at the mirror.

to say hi? or to ignore?

suddenly i realise i was wearing my tpjc uniform. so gingerly i say, "hi mrs sng."

she actually recognises me.

"hi louiza so how was As?", in that subtle yet commanding tone i was only too familiar with.

'um it was okay i guess. i'm just hoping for the best.", i said trying to sound positive.

"well louiza as long as you did not hesitate and just trusted your instincts in math, not stopping whenever u felt your solution was weird, u should be fine..."

"erm... yeah ohkay"

i felt a bit of my heart sink. because inside, i knew that i was my stupid self in the As. i stopped whenever my answer looked weird and i'm definite that lost me some marks...  i was saved from that depressing feeling when a girl comes in the toilet.

"mrs sng can help me do one question?", she shoves a yellow slip of paper into mrs sng's hands.

"louiza take a look at this", she motions to me...

i read the question quickly, "hmm this looks easy". it was a P&C question with interesting clues and conditions.

"okay..." i start.

as i begin to read the question a second time, i hear a woman's scream

LOUIZA WAKE UP I NEED YOUR HELP GO AND BATHE!

i wake with a start. the woman was my mother.

"mummy! do you know what i was doing?!?!", i said positively annoyed.

"what??! sleeping??", she retorted sarcastically.

"no! i dreamt my teacher asked me a math question and i was THINKING!! and u woke me up like that"

 

 

so that's how i woke up.

anyway, remember i didnt want to teach in tpjc cos i'm not confident of my intelligence?

yeah i still feel that way, so i decided on a plan.

i will teach pri/sec relief teaching from jan till my A level results. if my A results are good enough, then i'll teach at tpjc. at least i'll be more confident of my capabilities.

yup sounds like a good plan.

okay gonna relax... oh no wait need to call leon first.

Labels: dreamdiary

got this off the friendster bulletin board.

i think it's mandatory!

especially number 5,9,10,13,15,16,19. according to me that is.

the rest are just nice.

p.s. because of you, you've got me looking for perfection.

 

1. Hugs from behind.

2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each other(don't make her grab yours).

3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.

4. Cuddle with her.

5. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.

6. Write little notes.

7. Compliment her Honestly.

8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

9. Be super sweet to her.

10. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.

11. Comfort her when she cries.

12. Wipe away her tears

13. Love her with all your heart.

14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and say put me down but really she loves it).

15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).

16. Don't let your friends talk trash about her, it'll get back 2 her!

& DONT ever act diff in front of ur friends than u r when its just u and her!!!!

17. Take her for a long walk at night!

18. Always bring a blanket where ever you go outside when its cold to comfort her and hold her close

19. NEVER LIE TO HER!!!!!! because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, even "i love you"

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, boys, fallacy, the boy

think i'll sleep soon.

by the way, i chose the 1st option. and didnt regret it.

p.s. my tagboard is amusing me, none of the louizas there are me. or zas. so yeah, continue entertaining yourselves people. glad to be of amusement. (;

p.p.s. behave yourselves, if it gets too far, i'll take the whole board down. cheers!

Labels: //, hogwarts, Newport

its such a rainy day.

and i dno wad to do. leon, drink, or starbucks.

i like the first option best. 

starbucks 2nd.

i feel cold.

what should i do? watch tv? or read? or sleep?

i feel so random.

anyway, i love love miss choo. my principal.

without her, i wouldnt be where i am right now.

she texted just now, i replied. all's well.

and offered me to teach at tpjc!

thats the 2nd authority there to do that.

mr ali did, then now the principal.

seriously love love her.

but i still doubt my intelligence. but at least its nice to know i'm wanted somewhere...

Labels: muse, Newport

who ever said fairytales had no ups and downs? there just wasn't enough paper to go around to write down every detail.

vivian.

Labels: vivian, wordsmagicallyspun

What are your chances of getting with the person you like?

- 0

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?

- yes

What are you listening to currently?

- coldplay - lost

Are you keeping a big secret right now?

- secret yeah, dno if its big.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?

- night

Do you always answer your phone?

- no

Are you good at math?

- i'm still striving to be half of what u are. but cos of u, i'll say yes. i'm good at math.

How did your day go yesterday?

- apparently boring...

Does the future scare you?

- no.

Was it a boy or a girl to call you last?

- boy

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?

- regular

Do you sleep on your stomach?

- no! unless i'm studying on my bed and happened to fall asleep.

Do you crack your knuckles?

- yes

What are your favorite color(s)?

- brown; pink and black

Ever been on a blind date?

- no

Are you named after anyone?

- yes. my father LOUIs, my mum eliZAbeth. becomes LOUIZA

Where were you doing last night at midnight?

- talking

Anything you're giving up on?

- bothering.

Who was the last person you gave your number to?

- the policewoman.

Who's the last person that made you smile?

- vivian.

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?

- YES.

When was the last time you went to the mall?

- just now.

Are you doing anything good today?

- no plans just yet.

Is there anyone on your mind?

- yes

In the past week have you gotten sick?

- a bit

Honestly, if you could go back 1 month and change something would you?

- i dont think so.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?

- rhetorical

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

- daddy's closet

What was last thing you drank?

- water

How has the week been?

- not too bad

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin

1)Is your friendster profile private?

no

2)What do you carry with you at all times?

nothing in particular..

4)Do you have anything to complain about?

boys. the fact that gentlemen dont exist anymore. and theres the fact that louiza is just too picky. fuck la.

5)Is someone mad at you right now?

i have no idea.

7)Who were your last 6 texts from?

qashrul hidafy my genius.

8)Who has the ability to hurt you most?

my dad

9)What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

talking to vivian

10)Do you like your life as of now?

i do, but now i'm in a confusing phase. so when it all clears, (aka, when i think more thoroughly) i'll go back to liking it without the burden in my head.

11)Last thing you purchased?

viceroy menthol lights

13)Are you a jealous person?

yes.

14)Are you tired right now?

yes.

16)Do you cry a lot?

no

18)What should you be doing right now?

sleeping

19)Are you waiting for something tomorrow?

no

20)What makes you smile on a rainy day?

many things...running in the rain with loved ones, curling up in bed alone or with delilah or with loverboy.

22)Did someone just made you upset? who?

yes. i wont say.

23)How are you feeling?

confused.

25)Do you believe the person who rejected you will love you someday?

i dont even think about love.

26)Do you ever receive a gift from an unknown person who is in love with you?

yeah. and mr-maker-of-this-bulletin, i believe the correct rephrase would be "did you" and not "do you"....

33)Name one song which makes you so touched or cries?

only one. Carrie Underwood - Jesus Take the Wheel. only one.

37)What is something special you want to happen in your life?

find the perfect one.

39)If you were given a love potion, who would be the person to drink?

i don't force love.

Labels: ALEXANDER VII, bulletin

woke up early, with little sleep, so i'll just blog here, then at lj, then i think i'll head to bed. if i cant sleep that fast, maybe i'll read harry potter awhile.

i just wanted to thank vivian. for hearing me out today. i really felt dreadful like it was all something wrong with me.

the great expectations.

alright, bye world.

Labels: vivian

write my name across your hand.

Labels: wordsmagicallyspun

remember i had to go to MOE on friday? well without sleep after clubbing, i went looking like this. i think i look ghastly. like some marilyn manson.
okay Bye!

Labels: blood ties, cher, chrismukkah, Happy Birthday, jammers, through lens, vivian